wednesday morning prayers

I hear foot steps and my door open ever so slightly.
"Mom?"
It's Jude. It's also 6:30am.
"Yes, Jude?"
"Where's Daddy?"
"He's in Halifax."
"Oh. Right."
"Go back to sleep. It's too early."
"But I see a bit of light. It doesn't seem too early to me..."
He wanders back into his room and shortly I after I hear quiet voices and their door shutting. I guess he woke up Noah. They play quietly for a bit.
The play gets louder and wakes up Blaise in the next room. He quiets for a bit and I lay in bed for just a few more minutes.
I check the weather {I have to get back into that habit.} and roll out of bed to go nurse Blaise. {He only woke up ONCE last night!} He's a happy guy and my alarm goes off in my room while I'm in the room with Blaise.
The boys come out of their room and I encourage them to get dressed before going downstairs.
They do.

It's smoothies and toast {and yogurt and cereal for Noah as well} and then the boys brush their teeth.
Jude is bugging to go to school {right.now.} and so I put their lunches in their bags, pack in a rain poncho for this afternoon's forecasted showers and after a bit of playing, they pose on the front steps for a picture for Jude's first day.

How handsome are they?!

We're leaving with plenty of time so I don't feel rushed. Which is nice.
At the school we walk around to Noah's side. We stand there for a minute or two and then give hugs and kisses goodbye so I can drop off Jude at his entrance.
I look back and see Noah standing by himself and it makes my heart hurt a little. I tell myself, he'll be fine.
I'm getting a bit emotional about sending Jude to school today for some reason. He's so little. It's such a long day. How will he do? Will he listen to the teacher and make friends? Will he be able to finish his lunch? {Probably not.}
We walk into the enclosed area and he looks at me with a smile and says, "PLAY?!?" so I nod and he takes off to the slides and climbers and then the bell goes and he comes right over and hops into a line. A helper asks him his name and then directs him to the other line for the other kindergarten teacher. I get a big hug from him and he hugs and kisses Blaise and then chats away to his teacher telling her about his backpack and his Star Wars shirt. Then I look to my side and see Noah standing there with teary eyes.
My heart sinks.

The teacher starts walking in with Jude's class and he happily trots in line behind the other kids. What a trooper.

I turn to walk away with Noah and begin what I've been dreading this entire time leading up to school's start.
We walk into the school all the while with Noah very tearfully and stubbornly telling me he's not going to school and not going to his class and he's staying with me the whole day.
I tell him he is going to school and that he's strong and amazing and he's going to have so much fun and learn new things today. I tell him that Jesus is with him and Noah tearfully says that he can't see Jesus. He can see me and so he wants to be with me. {sob} I try to get to the bottom of why he doesn't want to go but I think it's because I wasn't there to see him into school like I have been since the beginning since I was with Jude. It's also a long day. Every day. And the transition is finally catching up to him.

My heart hurts as I leave him screaming and crying for me with the teacher.
I walk quickly with tears streaming and head back to the car with Blaise {thankful that I chose to put him in the stroller this morning and not carry him like I usually do}.

So it's not even noon and I'm not sure how he's doing. I hope he's doing well. I hope the teacher was able to get a handle on things. I felt bad for her. The little boy in Noah's class who has special needs was also having a rough morning and I didn't see any EA to help her so she was trying to deal with Noah and the other boy.

Jesus please be with Noah and Jude this morning. Send people to love them and protect them. Give them courage and strength and joy today. Remind them of your goodness. Remind me of your goodness. 

**it's 10:57am and I just got a call from his teacher. He settled down within a couple minutes of me leaving. She was so understanding and supportive and I am doing a little happy cry and fist pumping for such an awesome teacher.
Also found out that there is an EA that will be able to help her so that is great for her, for the kids in the class and for that little boy who I hope and pray Noah will get to know and love this year.
Thanks you Jesus!