Sum it up

2009.

You are almost over.

It really has flown by.

I remarked to my Dad today that when you're older, the years go by so much faster than when you're a child.

I asked him if his memories from when HE was a child are clearer than when WE were kids. He said definitely.

I pondered that perhaps when you're a kid time goes by SO much slower and so memories have more time to sink in. Your brain is still forming and maybe things impress themselves on your memory so much more stronger than they would otherwise.

I don't want for my child-raising days to be a blur. But I've already forgotten so much (thank goodness I blogged so diligently with Noah and am trying to continue for both boys).

Anyway, 2009 has been a hard year.

(Beth, how's the good but hard/challenging but rewarding word coming along?)

But good.

We moved when I was 7 & 8 months pregnant (one move OUT of our apartment and one move INTO our house).

We moved into a house!

We survived multiple flus and colds during May & June.

I had an amazing and relatively pain-free home birth and ended up with my sweet baby Jude.

We've entered the waters of toddlerhood and have tried to figure out how to parent a clingy two-year-old.

I've wrestled (and continue to wrestle) with who I am, how I be a Mom and a Wife as well as the many other "titles" I carry.

I've walked the paths of post partum depression and am walking more and more in the light (though often it feels like 2 steps forward, 1 step back. Moving forward, but often moving a little slower than I'd like to).

I've learned to ask for and accept help.

I've broken down and been built up.

I've discovered 2 beautiful circles of ladies that are becoming more and more dear to me and could not have come into my life at a better time.

There is much light in my life.

And praise be to God that the Light is greater than the darkness.

A very, merry Christmas

...to you!

being PRESENT

This evening after dinner I sat down to quickly check out Facebook and whatnot and Noah comes into the kitchen with two pillows from the couch and says, "I lie down" and proceeds to lie down on the kitchen floor. My heart totally melted. I told him if he wanted me to lie down with him of course I would, but we'd lie down in the living room. So we squished onto his little pull-out Buzz Lightyear bed with the pillows and "Mommy's blankey" and watched a Christmas Veggie Tales episode together. It was so sweet and reminded me of the importance of being PRESENT with my kids. It's all too easy to be in the same space as them and yet not giving them my attention. Because of this, I got to spend a few sweet minutes with Noah cuddling and enjoying each other.

christmas is finally here!

I caught it. Finally.

Today I got excited for Christmas. The joy, the anticipation, the excitement finally overcame me. I stopped thinking about all the work, the travel, the exhaustion and...uh, did I mention the work (?) that comes and will come with Christmas. Now more than ever with 2 little ones.

But for some reason I got into the Christmas spirit today. I read a beautiful poem my sister sent me that you can read here that just made me remember and dwell upon the true meaning of Christmas. Thinking about how Mary must have felt. Thinking about how Joseph must have felt. Wow. What a night. What an adventure. Amazing.

I watched The Polar Express with Noah (he was pretty excited about the "choo choo").

I thought about my family (MY family - Jamie, Noah, Jude). How I love them. How I'm so

thankful for them. How did I get so blessed? Why did God choose to bless ME with two healthy boys? I want to continue to become more like what Paul said he was, "Content in all situations." (my paraphrase).

Jamie asked me today if I think that I "HAVE to watch the boys" or I "GET to watch the boys". I pondered this. And then I said I have thought BOTH things.

I've been thinking about family.

I'm excited to see my family and friends and spend some time with them.

I'm excited to see my boys and watch them interact with our families.

I'm excited to eat good food!

I am excited and thankful and humbled by how much I have in my life. Family. Friends. Support. Love. Grace. Mercy. Understanding. Health.

Wow. I am a woman blessed.

Thanks be to Jesus.

The reason for EVERY season. (cheesy? Probably. but true!)

good and hard

Last week we were up north for some training with work. I debated whether I'd go or not, but not for very long. It was the lesser of the two evils in my mind so I decided we'd go.

It was a good week.
I got to have some really good times of fellowship and chatting with some very dear friends - usually in the evenings once the kids had all gone to sleep.

But it was still hard. Noah would have at least one tantrum per meal. Screaming and throwing himself around. It was hard. And frustrating. It's food for goodness sakes! Delicious food too!

Sigh.

But in general it was a good trip. Noah stopped his screaming at bedtimes and naptimes and slept through the night without waking up at all.

Jude woke up more frequently, but I could deal with that (aka just giving him the boob to make him go back to sleep). (Although now I'm having to help him relearn that he can sleep for longer stretches without getting food!)

Anyway, I'm glad to be back home with a WONDERFUL bed to sleep in (unlike the hard taco Jamie and I called "our bed" for 5 days!) and so far the good sleep has continued (with both boys sleeping in today - Jude 'til 8:15 and Noah 'til 8:50!).

Jason Mraz

Today I heard this on the radio:

Needless to say I was hooked. :)

Ponderings of my heart

I stepped out briefly this afternoon to pick up a few things from the store (ie. cold medicine!) while Jamie stayed back with both boys. I briefly reflected/reminisced about my days before kids. What did I do with all my time? Did I feel such reward and purpose? Did I feel such frustration and anger? Did I see such ugliness in me? Did I experience such personal growth? Did I receive such love and grace? 

 

There is a season for everything. 

 

I still miss those days sometimes. 

Then when I got home Jamie brought it up, "Remember before we had kids?" 

Yeah. I remember. Sorta. But I'd never wish away my boys for what we had then. 

There is a season for everything.

 

Then I thought about Noah. About his days. What he does all day long, what he must think...

The first year of a child's life looks so simple, easy, almost boring...but on the inside their brains are buzzing. They are learning SO MUCH. Even on the outside, when one stops to think about all the changes they go through, everything they need to and do learn...it's amazing! 

 

There is a season for everything.

 

I was sitting in the doctor's office waiting room last week with Jude and two little chatty girls (they were 6 and 7 years old - they told me) were talking a mile a minute. It was fun. I mostly just smiled and asked questions - they did a LOT of talking. One of them asked me if Jude could talk. Then she asked me if he could walk. I thought this was funny. Mainly because she had a 15 month old brother sitting in her Mom's lap. To kids...things happen at such a different rate in their heads than in ours. They measure things by sleeps, or the length of a Sponge Bob show (or whatever kids that age watch). We measure things by years. By semesters. By seasons. 

 

I guess I've just been pondering a lot these days. I think it's the Christmas season. 

 

There is a season for everything.

 

Noah already seems to be growing up into a little boy and yet he's still so young. The extremes he falls into - one second a little boy, putting on his socks by himself and saying, "I deed eet!" and the next second throwing a screaming fit on the floor like a baby unable to communicate with words. Sometimes I wish I could throw myself on the floor and scream.

 

There is a season for everything.

 

Uh, except for maybe throwing yourself on the floor and screaming. 

 

I told Jamie the other day, "I've never been a Mom to two little boys before.". It's hard. I'm not going to lie. But it's good. It's really good. And it's stretching me. I always knew I was somewhat lazy, but becoming a Mom has shown me how lazy and selfish I really am. I still fall back into my lazy, selfish tendencies (uh, all the time...) but becoming a Mom was the best thing that happened to me. It's made me - or at least it's MAKING me - into a better person. 
The thing is, I just don't want to become a DIFFERENT person completely. Just a better one. A person who is so much closer to becoming who Christ had in mind when he thought of me before the foundations of the earth were created. 

 

There is a season for everything.

 

door

It's going to be an interesting Thursday...

Today I had a glorious sleep-in 'til about 8:45. Jamie got up with Noah and since I fed Jude at around 6 he is actually still sleeping (it's 9:20). So I got dressed and came down and started making Noah some toast. As I did so, Noah was babbling away and "spelling" words on our fridge with his alphabet magnets. Then I did a double take and realized that ONLY the letter magnets were on the fridge. If you've seen our fridge you will KNOW that there is an overabundance of magnets on the bottom half of our fridge for Noah to play with. So I took a look quickly into the living room and then I asked Noah, "Where are all the magnets?" He turns immediately and points me to the garbage under the sink. It's open. And there are over 20 magnets and toys (and a book) in the garbage! I'm almost already laughing about it as I type this, but at the time I was stunned.

I just asked him why he threw all his magnets in the garbage and he said "DOOR." I guess because there was a door and it was fun to open and shut.
I had actually noticed him throwing garbage away and being "my little helper" recently. It was cute and helpful and he would often throw garbage away without being told. However I didn't think through the possible ramifications of throwing ANYTHING away without being told.

Altogether there was a megablock, about 15 magnets, his fridge car wash toy, and a book (The Master Plan of Evangelism).

He watched me wipe down each item and we had a talk about not opening the garbage anymore without asking Mama.

Oh good times being a parent.

tweet!

I think the world just shrunk exponentially.

Here I sit in my house in 'lil old Guelph with my two boys and husband and I actually got "spoken" to by someone famous. Someone as famous as Ben Stiller. Actually, Ben Stiller himself.

The wonder of Twitter!
And at first I didn't even care, I was doing it for my friend Timmy who was inviting Ben to see Bob Newhart with him in December. But then when I actually got a reply back from Ben...I was overcome with girlish "awe-of-celebrity"ness. I'm lame, I know. But it was kinda cool!

Here it is in all its famousness: http://twitter.com/RedHourBen/status/6059547375

You can also read Timmy's letter to Ben Stiller here: http://timmyboyle.blogspot.com/2009/11/open-letter-to-ben-stiller.html

in love...

In other news...today I saw a UPS truck idling outside our house and I couldn't see anyone in the driver's seat. And then someone got in and the truck drove away. I didn't hear any knock or the door bell. I had just been upstairs getting Jude who was hollering away, but I would have heard the doorbell. Anyway, so I peeked outside and there was a box sitting there with a sticker on top that said the most exciting words: Tiny Prints.

MY CHRISTMAS CARDS ARE HERE!!!

I cannot tell you how excited I was to see that box. I hummed and hawed for weeks about whether I'd go with Tiny Prints again for my Christmas card this year. We did last year and it was gorgeous and I loved it. This year money is a bit tighter and Tiny Prints aren't exactly CHEAP. But one day I opened my email to find a really good discount code that I could use for Tiny Prints that would save me over $30!

That settled it. I would go with Tiny Prints!

I salivated and ogled all the different designs I could go with and tried to figure out which picture(s) I'd use. (Oh pictures. That is another topic for another post on another day.) I finally decided on one and when it came today and I took it out of its wrapping - it was even more beautiful than I thought it would be. I love my Christmas cards.

I absolutely ADORE Tiny Prints - they are fast, their paper quality is AMAZING, their designs are gorgeous, the colours are vibrant and beautiful and they have great customer service. If you like REALLY NICE STATIONARY (and don't mind paying a wee bit more for it) I would definitely recommend Tiny Prints.

And unfortunately for YOU I'm not posting a sneak preview of my Christmas cards. You'll have to wait until the week before Christmas for that little bit of goodness.

***(Unfortunately) I did not receive anything from Tiny Prints for this RAVE review. Maybe next year? ***

those boys...

Does it count if your baby sleeps through the night but your toddler wakes up and screams for an hour?
I don't think it does.

They like to tag team me.
*pouts*
It's not fair.

Oh well.

Jude was actually asleep by 7:20ish(?) and surprisingly hasn't woken up. Often he'll wake up about an hour after going to sleep (settling into longer sleeping patterns?) but tonight he didn't. Not sure what that means other than he was REALLY tired - (no kidding. The kid was CA-RAAAANKY!) I guess we'll see how tonight goes.

My prediction:
Noah will sleep all the way through the night but Jude will wake up once to feed and then be up around 7.

Those boys...

yummers

This weekend myself and the rest of the bridal party threw a bridal shower for my sister. It was a huge success and the reward was in how amazed and thankful and overwhelmed (in a good way) my sister was during and after the shower. Here is just a "taste" of what we all enjoyed!

consider your options

I'm still processing all of this, but I wanted to share a few thoughts on childbirth.

Today I was chatting with a few ladies about labour and birth. Some have children and some don't. I think what I came away with was that I feel frustrated by how many women feel that they just "can't" do natural childbirth. That they just aren't capable of it. Which is such crap. (In my opinion).

Now I don't by any means believe that I am superior or better than any of those women because I chose to have natural childbirths, but I think it's the mindset from the very start that is predominant and says that "You can't do it on your own, you definitely need drugs but it's likely that you'll need a C-section."

Now that's not to say that some women definitely need to be in the hospital and having a C-section because of some condition or situation that they or their baby is currently in. But to be low-risk and to choose to load up on the drugs because you think you won't be strong enough is like saying that you shouldn't try and do a marathon because it'll hurt and you might not make it. Why not just try? I suppose if you're really concerned you could have a golf cart follow behind you in case you collapse and can't make it a single step more...

I just feel like women need to feel empowered by the childbirth experience instead of shying away from it - it's natural! It's normal! It's a part of who we are as women! We help the human race to continue existing!!! That is AMAZING. That is HUGE. Bringing a child into this world is painful, yes, but it's also so incredible. It's a reflection of what RAISING a child is like. It's painful at times, but it's also incredible. Incredibly rewarding! Incredibly painful!
Childbirth is just the start of that process and to skip over that is robbing yourself in a sense.

Now I know that I've been blessed to have relatively easy births. Okay...easy births. BUT, I wouldn't do it any other way. Other women I know who have experienced both a birth with drugs/C-section and natural childbirth say that there is NOTHING like natural childbirth. The absolute HIGH you are on afterward is unlike anything else. To be able to say, "I DID IT. I brought a human life into this world!" now THAT is an amazing thing to say.

These are my thoughts, and I harbour no judgment toward women who CHOOSE to do something else, but I guess my main point is...if you are pregnant and thinking about your labour and birth plan (which I'm thinking you will at some point!) PLEASE consider ALL your options. Think through what's best for you and for your baby (DO YOUR RESEARCH!) and then find a healthcare provider who can support you and your birth plan.

Because of my amazing midwives I was able to have my second home birth. They fought for me to get my antibiotics administered at home. They got me a second opinion from a doctor who gave me a prescription for the antibiotics I needed. If it had been up to my doctor I would have had a hospital birth which would have been a complete waste of my time and tax payers money since everything went so smoothly. I am so thankful to have had my two home birth experiences and I am so thankful for my midwives.

running

Lately when I've seen Noah run, it makes me think of this:



It's true!

a plethora of things...

Wow. I've got a lot of thoughts swirling around in my head to blog about. I think I'll just make one gigantically long entry and let you sort your way through it.

1. Naps.

My boys are both refusing to nap right now but I'm refusing to get them up. They BOTH need a nap so...here I sit. It was quiet for a bit, but now Noah is talking to himself and Jude is crying. We shall see where this leads.

2. Flip.

I'm SO EXCITED about my new Flip Video Camera. My parents got me a gift card to a mall for my birthday but I didn't know what I wanted. I want clothes, but not for this body. Maybe my body about 1 or 2 sizes smaller. But not this one. So...what was it to be? A whack load of little things? Sometimes it's nice to get a whole bunch of little things, but I think it's also nice to have one big thing to look at think - oh yeah, my parents got me this! So I went to the mall with the boys this morning and picked it up from the store that I had called last night to put one on hold for me. I absolutely LOVE it! Thanks to my friend Mel for giving me her thoughts on it and recommendation! It's small, easy to use and makes uploading and sharing videos SUPER easy. It's perfect and I'm excited to use it!

3. This blog.

I've often thought about the hodge-podge that is this blog. A lot of people are really creative and specific when writing their blog entries. They are well crafted works of art. Each entry has a specific topic and is captivating (usually). I am not so sure my blog has ever been like that. But for some reason people keep reading it (mind you, not a LOT of people I don't think *hi Mom!*) but the one thing that's often repeated is, "I'm glad I can stay up to date with what's going on in your life through your blog". And that makes me happy. Because I have a lot of friends that I love dearly but am not able to stay in touch with regularly. But through my blog I'm able to share my life with them. The every day. The mundane. The joys and the pain that happen in my life.

The only thing is I don't get to hear what's going on in THEIR (read: YOUR) life. So maybe you should start a blog too. :D

4. Cleaning & Cooking

Recently I've become determined and found a desire to really be a good Keeper of the Home. I want to serve my family by taking care of my family and our home. The ways this works out is through cleaning and cooking (mainly). So I've given myself one (sometimes two) tasks per day to accomplish. This way I keep myself busy without (hopefully) getting overwhelmed at all there is to do. There are also so many other pros to doing this but I don't think I need to list the obvious ones.

I also want to get into good habits. Like clearing the table, doing the dishes and putting everything away each night. From the very start in my marriage, I've never been good at doing this, but when I DO, the reward of a clean kitchen makes my soul happy.

As for cooking, I'm really striving to continue to make up a meal plan every Sunday afternoon or evening. I've also found this amazing resource which I plan to make use of: http://www.soscuisine.com which is Canadian and has different plans you can subscribe to (like cooking for kids, cooking for one, cooking on a budget, etc.).

So for those who are interested, here are my tasks and the days I've allotted:

Monday: floors & front door

- vacuum, sweep, swiffer all the floors in the house

- straighten up and tidy the front door area - putting shoes, coats and other items away

Tuesday: bathrooms

- clean both upstairs and downstairs bathrooms

Wednesday: kitchen

- continue to keep up the kitchen, maybe another sweep or mop of the floor

- also can be a catch-up day if I fall behind

Thursday & Friday: laundry

I'd also like to do certain things biweekly or monthly - like changing sheets and towels, cleaning toys, and maybe doing a double or triple batch of food to put in the deep freezer. But we'll get to that after these weekly things start to become a habit and more consistent in my life.

Whew. Long post. Hope you enjoyed catching up with me!