Blaise's Birth Story {part two}

do you know the meaning of the phrase "gong show"? when it seems like everything is going wrong and it really shouldn't - it's a bit of a ridiculous situation. i use that phrase all the time. especially here. any time you want to get something done here that involves other people here in uganda, it often ends up as a bit of a gong show. at least, that's what i call it.

so we were on our way to the hospital. the contractions were now picking up in intensity and frequency. not so much that i needed to cry out or moan or do anything of the sort {that sounded quite british of me} but i was now certain that i was going to meet my little man very shortly. and that was very exciting.
we stopped at the main intersection closest to the hospital at the red light. {of course there would be a red light.} a little girl in rags came by and started wiping our windshield and bonnet {hood of our car}.
where are your parents little girl? why aren't you in bed? sigh. 
jamie scrambles in his wallet for some change but for some reason the girl is gone on to the next car. green light. we advance through the intersection and turn right. up the steep hills and around pot holes and we pull up to the hospital at last.

enter the gong show.

the parking lot is full for some reason {it's not a very big parking lot} and the guard wants us to sign in. jamie says to just let us in so he can drop me off - i'm about to give birth, by the way. so up we go to the emergency triage door and i get out telling jamie i'm okay to walk in and he'll just meet me in there.
i walk into emerge and there is no one in emergency. no one. no receptionist. no patients. no one. the floors are flooded with soapy water and i look around and see a guy washing the floors with some sort of floor washing machine. he looks at me in my obvious discomfort and tells me to go around to the other entrance {where i usually enter for my doctor's appointments.} so i start walking there {it's just around the corner}. there is only a woman sitting at the information desk.
she looks at me holding my belly and i tell her that there was no one in the emergency room. she says, "you're not well..." and i look at her in disbelief and say, "well, i'm having a baby. i need to be admitted." she tells me to sit down and she'll call someone in emergency. i walk out and meet jamie and tell him what just happened and he reminds me that our midwife said she'll often skip triage and go straight up to labour and delivery on the 1st floor. so i said, "let's do that." and we walked up the ramp to the first floor.

the contractions were extremely intense and i told jamie, "i think i'm going to have to start pushing really soon." he sped up and as we approached the labour ward he grabbed a nurse/midwife coming out and said, "she's going to have the baby." the midwife {called martha as we soon found out} was extremely kind and led me by the arm to a room where she immediately got me a gown to change into. i quickly changed into the gown and started swaying while holding onto the side of the bed.

in between contractions i attempt a smile for jamie. minutes later {14 to be exact} i would be holding blaise in my arms.

the midwife wanted to check the baby's heart beat but in order to do that, i would have to sit on the bed. in between contractions i got up on the bed, but it wasn't long before another contraction slammed me and it was so uncomfortable for me that i could stay on my back and instead flipped over onto my hands and knees and now i started to have to moan a little bit.
what was incredible for me was that i recognized the stages as i was in them. i said to jamie, "i'm in transition." and was so incredibly thankful - in fact, i think i whispered "thank you, jesus." it was so empowering for me to know that this baby was coming and be confident in my body's ability to deliver this baby unlike my first where i was in complete disbelief as i went through each stage {mostly because of how fast it was all going when everyone always said first time births usually took around 12 hours}. i was still a bit surprised that my water hadn't broken yet, though.

a few more contractions hit me full force when i felt the urge to push. i let out a bit of a moan/bellow and started to bear down {still on the bed. still on my hands and knees.}. the nurses started calling out for me to flip over but i didn't respond {obviously} but i did hear jamie say, "no. she's more comfortable like this." and that seemed to quiet them. another contraction and urge to push and i felt my body pushing - almost on its own - and then my water broke. everywhere. i remembered my midwives in canada telling me to breathe through the crowning of the baby's head when i was pushing with jude and i did the same and then his head was out.
amazing. sweet relief. and then i heard the midwife and nurse saying "the cord. the cord." and i knew the cord was around his neck. and then a few seconds {which seemed like forever} and i heard them say, "it's loose." in my head i was telling myself that i needed to get this baby out in the next couple pushes. and then another push and more water exploded {this was by far my messiest birth so perhaps it's a good thing it happened in the hospital} and he was out in one big gloppy, slippery push. i turned my head to look at him and was shocked at how bluish-white he appeared to be. the midwife told me to turn over {this time i complied} and took my gorgeous {albeit blue} baby and all i could think was, "i just want to hear you cry, kiddo. please cry for mama." and then martha put him on my chest and he let out a huge wail.
again. sweet relief.

i was instantly and completely in love. i have never had this with my other babies. with noah, i was in complete shock and awe that this baby was inside me and now i was holding him. with jude, i smiled because i thought he looked like a little sumo wrestler but i never had the instant swooning that a lot of woman talk about - love at first sight. but with blaise? he had me from the very first second i held him in my arms. i breathed to jamie, "he is so beautiful." and then "look at the full head of hair!" {i always wanted a baby with a full head of hair!}
i think a lot of it was just from being so empowered by the birth - no one needed to tell me i was in transition or when to push, i was in control {or as much as one can be} and fully aware of what my body needed and was doing. it was absolutely exhilarating. i definitely experienced that post-birth high {which resulted in very little sleep for me - if any - that night}.

now because of the speed at which blaise arrived, we beat our doctor to the hospital and the on-call doctor attended the birth. of the entire experience, this was probably the "low" of the whole thing. due to us being in the labour ward only 20 minutes prior to blaise being born, our birth plan/preferences weren't able to be read by the nurse/doctor on call. so i had to tell them not to cut the cord until it had stopped pulsing {which the doctor complied easily with. also if you're curious why, there are many articles and benefits to letting the baby have this very oxygen-rich blood continue to flow. you can check out more here or here or here}. but then once it had, the doctor cut it and then started pulling on the cord to which i said, "no! please wait a bit longer, please." i was shocked that doctors still do that! then he started mashing on my belly {again i had requested this NOT to happen} and it was a bit painful {this coming from the woman who just birthed a 9lb4oz baby}. eventually the placenta was birthed.
then he insisted on cleaning me off. at one point i asked, "isn't there a shower in our room that i can do this in?" and the nurse said that yes, there was. but the doctor continued to wipe down my legs. it wasn't creepy, but i didn't find it necessary - yes, i was a mess, but if there was a shower in our room {not the labour room, but the room we'd be moving to} why couldn't i do all this myself? and then when checking if i needed stitches he was rough with cleaning {they weren't. hooray!}. but i definitely winced several times and was annoyed at how rough and gruff he seemed.

aside from that, it was an amazing experience and i'm so thankful for how everything turned out. i still didn't like staying in the hospital overnight and we were made to wait over 2 hours to finally get our bill and leave {jamie eventually "threatened" to go home and we'd come back and pay the next day - the nurse did not like that but luckily our bill was quickly brought up and we were able to leave shortly thereafter.} but what a blessing for me and blaise to have come through labour and birth and both of us healthy and doing well.

so that's the story. i am so amazed at the perfection of God's perfect timing for us. it hit me that if i had been in canada, i would have been induced before blaise had had a chance to come on his own. it would be very rare for a midwife or a doctor to let me stay pregnant for 16 days and so i am thankful that me giving birth in a hospital in uganda was all part of his plan for me to still be able to give birth naturally and without being induced.

thankful. and blessed. and oh-so-in-love.

Blaise's birth story {part one}

16 days. 16 days had come and gone since my due date of september 1st.
i wasn't naive enough to hope think {as i had when i was pregnant with jude} that this baby would be coming  before my due date. i knew i would go overdue again.

i had a few days of achy, sore joints but for the most part i felt fine.
i went through a whole bunch of emotions {as you would know if you follow this blog} ranging from anger, to frustration to desperation to finally...acceptance. eventually this baby would come out of me, but i had no idea when and it didn't seem like it would happen any time soon.

at 41 weeks i went to the hospital with jamie to get a 41 week biophysical scan {ultrasound} to make sure everything was okay with the baby.
it turned out everything was fine. the baby was still moving quite a bit and the fluid levels were perfectly normal.

that night i started experiencing some regular contractions. so i timed them.
they were lasting a minute and coming every 5 minutes. exactly when they {you know, the medical professionals} tell you to head to the hospital. but they weren't increasing in intensity or frequency. this went on for over 4 hours. eventually i decided to go to bed and see what happened.

i woke up in the morning. no baby. no more contractions. so thankful i didn't head to the hospital.
we went back into the hospital that morning for my doctor's appointment and talked with the doctor about our next steps. he declined to give me a stretch and sweep {still!} but we went up to labour and delivery as he had detected that the ectopic heart beat was back and wanted to monitor the baby for a longer period of time. while i was there he checked me and found i was 5cm dilated. i was happy that there was some progression but not surprised. i was about 4-5 cm for weeks with jude before he came so i knew that this didn't mean that the birth was imminent.
they monitored the baby's heartbeat and found that while it was on the low side of "normal" {in the 120's}, there was nothing to be concerned about regarding the ectopic heartbeat.
we spoke about induction but didn't schedule anything.
then we went home with the plan to meet with the doctor on friday {this was on tuesday} if i hadn't already gone into labour.

friday arrived. no baby. i texted our doctor and he said to come in in the afternoon to assess.
we spoke and decided on tuesday as the induction date as my brother and his girlfriend would be spending the day with us on monday before they headed off on the rest of their whirlwind tour of uganda and tanzania.
i had random contractions off and on throughout the rest of the week.

sunday came and my brother and his girlfriend were arriving at 10:15pm that night. the airport is about an hour away from us. he would have to leave our house around 9:30pm and probably wouldn't be back until 11:30 or 12pm. it was decision making time. to send jamie or not to send jamie...
would i go into labour?

i decided to send jamie to pick them up. i was having no contractions and no signs labour was coming. so i told him to go.
another uneventful evening. {but i did get lots of crocheting done!}
and no baby.
they arrived shortly before midnight and i got up, said hello and then went back to bed.

the next day i woke up feeling achy but otherwise normal.
we spent the morning opening a few gifts that keven brought from home like legos! and cars! {and more bath and body works hand soap for me...yay!}.

my brother's girlfriend laura with noah & keven playing with legos.

then we all went out for lunch and did a bit of grocery shopping with them before heading back home for a relaxing afternoon together. i tried so hard not to waddle but my joints were feeling especially loose and it was a losing battle. 

that evening i made chili for dinner with a pineapple crumble for dessert. it was all so delicious {and both are apparently labour-inducing so that always helps} but i was now feeling achier than ever.

i was aware that i was experiencing some mild contractions but concentrated on dinner and getting the kids in bed. we reminded the boys {again} of what would happen if mommy & daddy had to go to the hospital in the middle of the night and what they should do if they woke up and we weren't at home {lisa, our other team member who lives in our house, would be sleeping in our room and taking care of them}. 

then the adults hung out in the living room and chatted and laughed together by candle light as power went out around 8pm. i started timing my contractions {just to see} on jamie's iPad and no one really was aware of what i was doing until they saw the timer. they were lasting about the same as last time; 45 seconds - 1 minute long and about 5 minutes apart. except they started getting closer together. and a bit stronger. 4 minutes apart. then 3 minutes apart. 

jamie started asking me to call the doctor. i resisted. i just didn't want to be labouring for hours in a hospital when i could be in the comfort of my own home. but then i agreed to call him when the contractions started coming about 2-3 minutes apart. 

i went to the bathroom and gathered my belongings. then i came out and called the doctor and told him we'd be on our way to the hospital in a few minutes and that my contractions had been regularly coming for {at that point} 2 hours now and were now 2 minutes apart. 

he said he was headed in the opposite way from the hospital but that he'd turn around and meet me there.

we said our goodbyes to keven and laura and wished them well on their gorilla trekking and that we'd see them on thursday with the baby {as either way, i'd be induced the next day if blaise hadn't arrived by then}. we gave our last minute instructions to lisa and nick for watching the boys and then we got in the car and started driving to the hospital.

stay tuned for part two...

research

my personality, in general, is one of a researcher. when i'm insterested in something or passionate about something i research. i read, read, read - books, magazines, articles, blogs, anything i can find on that particular subject/thing/issue.
when i was pregnant with noah i read a lot. i read books on pregnancy, birth, and labour. i asked people for their birth stories and found some online too*.
i read books on parenting philosophies including everything from babywise to attatchment parenting.
jamie's nana even wrote out her birth stories for me which i absolutely and completely loved!
i loved hearing the horrible worst-case-scenarios and the oh-my-gosh-it-was-perfect stories. i wanted to know everything.
but at some point all the research combined with some PPD made for one overwhelmed, anxious and paranoid mama who didn't have any confidence in her own maternal instinct.
research is so great and valuable, but at some point you need to take what you've read, glean the principles and mold them to your situation. because your situation is completely unique in at least some way and it's going to look different for everyone.
it took me going across the globe to africa, away from all my precious books and dependable internet for me to learn how to trust my instinct and my God-given ability and privilege to be noah's mama. picked out specifically for noah and he for me. noah was 6 months old at the time and it was the best thing for all of us.
since then i've occasionally referred to books or online resources for different questions i've had but nothing like my initial frenzy of reading.
but now i find myself compeltely depleted of wisdom and knowledge of how to navigate these murky waters of preschoolerhood that i find myself in. so it's back to the books.
this time, however, i'll be able to take it all in with a grain of salt and figure out how to balance what i know of my child with the principles and ideas presented.

also, funny story: on my way out of the library as i'm wrestling to keep two very rambunctious, hungry and somewhat cranky boys under control i am sure the librarian was totally chuckling to herself as she scanned these books out for me. it also might explains why she was so helpful by putting my many books into my bag for me (never once has a librarian done that for me). regardless, i was thankful.

thanks to those so far who have recommended ideas and books to me. i'm likely going to at least skim everything i can get my hands on and then delve deeper into the ones that seem to hit it home with me. keep 'em coming!


*the blogs i've linked to are all ones i found around the birth of jude, not noah. but they're good ones. if you like birth stories, read 'em! the first link is hilarious (caution, much swear-age occurs), the second one is amazing and terrifying, the third one i love how she writes and um, also, the last one (nella's birth story) is absolutely heart-breaking. read with caution. i bawled. (i actually just re-read it and bawled again. so that's that.)

three years later - the birth story

Three years ago my sweet first born, Noah, was born.

I realized after scouring his old blog that I never blogged about his birth story.

So three years later, here it is:

Noah was originally due on my birthday. Actually, originally he was due on my Dad's birthday {4 days after mine}. But the midwives moved up the date to my birthday. I secretly {or not so secretly} did not want to share my birthday. I knew having kids was going to rock my world and I would learn a whole new meaning of self-sacrifice {and how to love it, too} and I wanted just a little piece of me to be all mine.

Well, my birthday came and went and other than losing my mucous plug that day, life went on.

4 days later...

I woke up at 5:45am feeling restless and so I sat up to go to the bathroom and thought I heard a small *pop* inside me and immediately felt a small gush. I rushed {as fast as I could at 40 weeks + 4 days} to the bathroom and sat on the toilet for a few minutes.

It was then that I started to feel menstrual-type cramping. In fact, it was exactly like menstrual cramps so much so that I thought,

"Oh yeah. I forgot about these bad boys."

I cleaned up and went back into our room and told Jamie,

"Um, I think my water just broke and I think I'm having contractions. But they're so mild, I don't really know." {You never really do for your first.}

We both knew that everyone tells you just to go back to sleep and so I tried, but I couldn't so we timed the contractions {or at least tried to} but they were coming so close together that it was hard to tell when one ended and the next began. They weren't too bad at this point and I could walk around and do things.

To be honest, I have no idea what I did for the next couple hours. It's like my memory of those hours is gone. It's bizarre, really. But I do know that the contractions picked up in intensity and so around 7:45am we called the midwives. They showed up sometime after 8am and by that time I was moaning a little bit and breathing deeply with each contraction.

They attempted to check to see how far I was dilated and when the midwife apprentice said,

"Conservatively I'm going to guess 5-6cm."

I almost yelled,
WHAT?!?!

Because everyone tells you how long your first is going to take. How you'll have so much time to wander the house, watch movies, eat, bake, go for walks around the block, etc.

The next little bit was pretty intense. We hadn't set up our room or bed for the birth {oh yeah, we were planning a home birth - I didn't mention that} so the midwives and Jamie were rushing around trying to find everything that I had bought, but hadn't put out in a clearly marked basket. Poor Jamie had to keep coming and asking me where stuff was. I don't actually remember being annoyed with him, but I do remember that shortly after I started going through transition except I had no idea that this is what was happening.

It wasn't until my midwife came over and laid her hand on my shoulder and said,

"It's okay, you're going through contractions. You are doing amazing." {Again, I wanted to shout, WHAT?!? Because I did not believe I was progressing so quickly and almost at the end/beginning.}
Clearly my panicky moans/wails/moos were cluing her into how far along I was and next she said,

"We're going to try and walk down the hall to your room during your next break."

Again, no recollection of walking down that hall, all I know is I got there and crawled up onto the bed on my hands and knees.

After checking to see how far dilated I was again, I was told I could start pushing whenever I felt the urge. Within seconds of hearing that, I felt this body-controlling, amazing urge to push and so I pushed.

I pushed and I pushed and I pushed and they {there were 2 midwives and an apprentice there - I absolutely adored them all} were so encouraging and supportive of me. I was told to stop grunting/screaming the way I was because I was going to hurt my vocal chords {which I totally did. The next day my throat was raspy!} and then asked if I wanted to switch positions.

I didn't care either way, so I slipped down onto the ground onto the birthing stool with Jamie sitting on the bed right behind me and pushed again.

Apparently I was pushing for about 45 minutes, but it felt like no time at all. I really had no concept of how long it had been or what time it was.

Soon I felt his head crowning. When they asked if I wanted to touch it I definitely said {shouted?} no. {To be honest, that totally freaked me out.}

Then slowly the head came out.

All I can remember is total and complete relief.

And then the shoulders and within seconds I had my baby up on my chest.

Both times I've given birth those first few seconds where you hold your baby immediately after being born is completely surreal.

"You just came out of me? You were living in there all this time?"

Amazing.

It was such an amazing, positive experience.

From start to finish it was about 4. 5 hours. He was born at 10:19am, October 25th, 2007. {His original due date. His Grandpa's birthday. Happy Birthday, Dad!}

Noah - days old.

Noah - 3 years old.

I love you, Noah. And in the words of Mariah Carey, you'll always be my baby.