i must be dreaming

the other night i dreamed it was winter and i was in canada. i was with 3 other coworkers {all females and all friends of mine}. we found our way into some sort of department store that was decorated all christmasey and happened to have a starbucks attached to it.
we found a group of 4 seats and sat down and started chatting. mainly i was chatting with one of them, but we were all having a lovely, relaxing time. the guy near us was on his cell phone and was ending his call when he said,
"i have to go, but what can i pray for you for?"
and the friend i was talking to said,
"prayer requests...NICE." pretty loudly with a very affirming voice {as opposed to sarcastic which you could totally read it as. it was not. she was impressed. or something.}
turns out he was a starbucks employee on break and when he came back on shift, he served us all $8 muffins {on the house} which were gigantic and delicious and we were happy for the freebie.
i woke up from the dream and it was the middle of the night. i was smiling. i honestly felt so refreshed by that dream girl time that i could have started my day. except it wasn't day. it was night.
my thoughts: i need more girl time. and starbucks.
also? hilarious but not far from the truth with the $8 muffins.
my subconscious must be dreading the sticker shock when i return to canada.

i dream

i dream of:

romance

adventure

sitting at a bay window, cozied up with a good book and a wool blanket

opening up my own bakery

- in Europe somewhere (or the beaches)

singing in front of small but crowded venues

being skinnier

being healthier

being closer to Jesus

adopting 5 (or so) kids

giving birth to a few more, too

living downtown Toronto

travelling across Canada (in one of these) and then down the west coast of North America

running a marathon

peonies, lots of peonies

acting again

summer

owning a piano

the tattoo i never got

reaching out to my neighbours

making friends in uganda

doing something BIG

living on the east coast

living on the west coast

living in new zealand

sailing around the world

having a closet full of beautiful summer dresses

never having to shave my legs again

throwing caution to the wind

i dream.

what do you dream of?

*found this video (03.25.2011) and it fits so perfectly. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MKfDwChOoHI

Noah's dream

Tuesday night I told myself I would get to bed right after I fed Jude at 10:30pm. (That's early for me.)
At 10:20 I hear Noah start to cry softly. It gets louder so I go in to see what's up with the wee fellow.
He's calling "Daddy, Daddy" and then "Mama! Mama!" and when I go in he doesn't stop crying (unusual for him) and he still doesn't stop crying when I pick him up (even more unusual). He continues to cry and is getting quite worked up even as I hold him and rock him and sit with him in the rocking chair and pat his back. When I start singing his favourite songs he gets more worked up and continues to call for Mama.
I tell him that Mama is here and it's okay but this does nothing to console him. I'm starting to get a bit upset myself.
After about 10 minutes of this I'm realizing that he doesn't know who I am. He doesn't know that I am his Mama. By this time I'm in tears as I tell him it's okay, Mama's here. But telling him "Mama is here" and yet in his little mind, Mama is not holding him, only serves to agitate him further.
I take him into our bedroom (Jamie is out at this point in the evening) and he's looking around for "Mama". I look with him into the full length mirror we have on the wall and for a second I think he realizes, but then he looks around the room and starts saying, "Where Mama go? Where Mama go?" and is getting really upset.
It's so hard for me to see him like this!
Finally I get a brainwave and say, "What's my name?" (when he is calm but still looking for "Mama") and he says, "Emmy".
That is Emily. The girl who lives downstairs who he likes very much and she has watched him from time to time.
I can only guess that he was dreaming that Emily was watching him and when I came in to him, he may have been in some sort of lucid dream state (as he could actually SEE and identify things in his environment - for instance, a Buzz Lightyear toy he looked at and said, "oh! buzz!") and was convinced that I was Emily.
So I decide to tell him that "Mama is coming" and that calms him right down.
It was still really bizarre as he kept saying, "Mama! Open door! I hear Mama!"
Then I knew I needed to feed Jude and so I asked Noah if he wanted to lie in my bed or in his crib and of course he picked my bed. So I put him there and said that Mama needed to feed Jude and I would be right back.
Totally freaked out that he would fall down the stairs or do something "weird".
Well as soon as I had finished feeding Jude and walked out the door Noah was coming out of my bedroom with a ball in his hand. I think at this point he had "woken up" and we lay in bed and I prayed for him. Then I said, "Where's Mama?" and he looked up at me. And then I asked, "Where's Emily?" and he said, "Jude's room."
So weird. So Emily went INTO Jude's room and Mama came OUT. (in his mind maybe?)
It was pretty traumatic in general for me as I couldn't help him see that it was ME! That I was there, holding him, and trying to comfort him.

I wonder how often we ask God in the hard times, "God? Where are you? I need you NOW! You said you would always be there for me. Comforting me and supporting me. But where are you?" When all along He embraces us, lifts us up from out of the mire we're in and places our feet on solid ground.
And blindly we stumble until we "wake up" and realize God is the one holding us and comforting us and He's been there all along.

Anyway, so he calmed down and eventually fell asleep. It hasn't happened again for the past two nights and I pray it never does. That was rough.

a week and a half to go!!!

Well, it was a busy but really good weekend. Shereen and I got some baking/cooking/cleaning done and my deep freeze is nice and full of delicious foods for after the baby comes. :)
I did think to myself last night "Please don't come tonight, baby. I'm too tired!" and then I dreamt that I had the baby overnight (didn't dream about labour/birth) and we (even Noah!) were holding the baby in the morning and resting and then people were going to come over and visit but we were worried that people would come too soon and we wouldn't be ready (ie. things cleaned up from the birth, etc.).
Then I woke up and breathed a sigh of relief that I made it through the night without going into labour. :)
Oh and then I realized that my throat was sore and then I got mad that I caught the cold that Noah and Jamie have had. Oh well...I guess it was only a matter of time.
A week and a half to go until my due date! So hard to believe, but at one point I didn't think I'd make it this long - I totally thought baby was going to come early. I'm definitely glad he still stuck it out inside me for this long...for sure!
I also got some handmedowns this morning from my friend Jen and have plenty of onesies and sleepers now for the first few months. Phew!
I'm sad, though, because I've definitely misplaced two of my favourite onesies: the one that Erin gave to us for Noah and it was teeny tiny and blue and had a Toronto Maple Leaf on the front and another one that Shereen gave us for Noah that was camo patterened and says: You Can't See Me on it. :( I liked both of those.
I did find my "Got Milk?" onesies, though!
Okay, time to lay down for the last part of Noah's nap!

strange dream

WHOA...I just had a nap this afternoon and had the strangest dream.
I dreamed I was at home and ran into the next room to show Jamie the baby's movements in my belly. I realized when I pressed on a part of my stomach I could feel something REALLY hard and then I saw a hand pressed against my belly. And then a foot. And then the hand started to grab and I thought it was going to come through my stomach. And then it looked like the hand DID come through my belly. But then I blinked and thought, I must be imagining things.
It was sooo strange.
Oh and the baby's foot was HUGE! Like the size of Noah's foot (toddler size 6.5!) and I thought, Oh no...this baby really IS going to be HUGE!!!
I woke up a bit groggy and thought, why do I feel strange? Did I have a weird dream? And it took about 10 minutes and then all of a sudden my dream just came flooding back to me!
Crazy weird!

mmmm....donuts

The other morning I woke up from a dream about Sour Cream Glazed donuts. I'm craving sweets in my dreams!?!?!
It's pretty insane as far as I'm concerned.

the weirdness continues

I could probably have a dream blog for all the craziness of my dreams lately.
I won't go into details but my latest weird dream includes me talking to a hollow chocolate man who looked like Mario or Luigi, being compassionate towards a guy with leprosy but then being afraid it could hurt the baby and playing weird survivor games on competing islands.
It can only get weirder.

weird dreams!

And so the crazy dreams continue....
Yesterday after napping I remembered a weird dream I had - oddly enough I can't remember it anymore.
And this morning my alarm woke me up in the middle of a bizarre dream.
I wasn't myself at all. I'm fairly certain I dropped several f-bombs in my dream and I was hanging out with a co-worker, Jamie and my co-worker's 3 gay guy friends. So weird!
The gay guys were making fun of my extremely hairy legs.
So I left (we were at church) to go to the washroom to shave my legs in my very expensive Manolo Blahnik stilettos.
I think they were red.
Anyway (I don't have Manolo Blahniks, just by the way) on my way to the washroom I encountered a "hold up" situation and so then I got stuck being held up but then started chatting with the woman who was "holding up" the other person with a gun.
It was weird.
There was more but it just is too weird and pointless to write it all down here.
Man...if I keep having these weird dreams, pregnancy could be exhausting. Ok, so I think it'll be exhausting, but hopefully not from weird dreams.
I had lots of crampy feelings yesterday but I'm fairly certain they were ligament stretching pains and also due to the fact that I was on my feet the entire day.
So...I'm planning on taking it easy for the next day and a half.

multiples

Last night I dreamed I was pregnant with triplets.
It was scary. My first thought was "Oh no, I am going to be HUGE!" and then even though I wasn't at full term I went in for a c-section. Then I realized as I was getting prepped that I didn't want a c-section, I wanted a natural birth. Luckily I was able to get out of it.
I did, however, wake up in a terrible fright that I was pregnant with triplets.
Then I remembered...so far, there's only one.

On another note, there is a couple on staff who just found out they are pregnant with twins.
Yikes!