home

Two months to the day that we arrived back in Canada we were sleeping in our very own home. At long last.
We moved in last week and it's been crazy and busy and awesome and tiring.

We are officially home owners! Our house is great. It's dated and there's a lot to do to make this space feel happy but it's ours and we're here. And that is enough to keep me sane. Most days.

We just got internet today, Jamie's back to work and the boys start school next week. So yeah. Crazy times ahead. If I do recall, I did tell myself that once we moved back to Canada it would be go-go-go right into the foreseeable future. I'm so smart.

Oh! And we have a pool! Well, our town house complex has one. All the benefits with none of the work. That's my kind of pool!

If anyone still reads my blog, thanks for sticking it out during the echoing silence here.
More to come. Oh! And I'm on Instagram now so you can follow me there if you want to see the ins and outs of life here at Casa Crazy Strickland.

tomorrow...we fly!

I'm not sure if one is ever truly "ready" for any big life change; getting married, having a baby, moving to another country. You can read all the books and take all the classes and make your "to-do" list and talk all you want about it but I've never met a person who said, "Oh yes. This big life change is going exactly as I planned it. I knew it would exactly this way." Because life just isn't predictable or controllable that way.

We've been counting down the days since May as a way to help us all see how little time we have left here. Literally crossing off the days as we go. And yet here I sit in our living room with our bags almost entirely packed and I still think to myself, "We're leaving Uganda tomorrow! Crazy!"

I've said from the beginning that time was going to fly by and yet I'm still shocked that we're here. It's the day before we leave and close this chapter of our lives together. And I'm ready and excited and yet...it's still surreal. I have no doubt in my mind that that there will be some grieving that won't happen until I'm back in Canada and re-adjusting back to Canadian culture.

We'll board a plane tomorrow morning and leave this place we've called home for almost two years. This house that has been home to Jamie and I longer than any other home we've lived in since being married. {How crazy is that?}

So I've done everything I needed to do. The rest is an adventure and we'll just see what happens as we get there.

one week left ramblings

In exactly one week, I will be checked in at the airport and getting ready to board our flight outta here.

Yeah.

In my mind, it still seems like a lifetime away before we leave. Like it's not really going to happen.

I realized I am a "pre-processor" which to me means that I do a lot of my processing ahead of time. Which would explain why I don't like long, lengthy good-byes. Just say your good-byes, maybe give a good hug and get out of there asap. I've already grieved and accepted that it's a sad thing to leave. And I've probably moved on to being excited about what's to come. So please don't think I'm cold-hearted if I don't shed a tear. It's possible I've shed tears about this exact moment; just a few weeks ago.

Yesterday we sent back two bins {remember these bad boys?} and a bag with the staff team that left to go back to Canada. I am quite proud that I was able to pack up two of those things and it'll be nice not to have to lug them with us {as we'll likely have five others to lug. plus kids. that'd be a lot of luggin'.}.

It's hard to pack with a crawling, mischievous baby. Who doesn't sleep at night. {Still.}

I keep seeing lovely Ugandan things I want to buy and bring back with me. {I love craft markets!}

I can't wait to see and hug all my friends and family.

I am nervous about peoples' expectations of me/our family and the fight against a packed schedule to see and do ALL THE THINGS. {Sometimes I am a "worst-case scenario" kind of person.}

We went swimming yesterday and I need a new bathing suit. So does Blaise. He's not quite as chunky as Noah was at this age as the 12-18 month suit doesn't quite stay up on him. But he definitely loved swimming! So there's that.

Last week I took down all the pictures from the walls. They look so barren now.

Today I will pack some more. And try to remember this:

home is wherever I'm with you

I remember when I first got married and my parents' house still felt like "home". I had two homes. The apartment I lived in with Jamie in Kitchener and the semi-detached house in Toronto that my parents and brothers still lived in. 

The longer we were married, the more the house that Jamie and I lived in seemed like home.

And then when we started having kids it was solidified. We moved a bunch of times, but home, our home was wherever we all lived together whether it was on Brant Avenue or Gaw Crescent in Guelph or Plot 334 Kampala, Uganda. 

With our move back to Canada closing in on us, I oscillate between calling it "Canada" and "home" when I talk to the boys. I think for Jude, Uganda is home. For Noah, home is in Canada. But for both of them, we will be changing it all up. The house we left is not the house we'll be moving back to.

This house in Kampala has become my home, but growing up in Canada for 29 out of 31 years, for me we are going home.

when there's silence

When it's quiet on a blog {at least when it's quiet on my blog} there are usually two main reasons;

1. There isn't a whole lot going on in my life to blog about.

2. There's too much going on in my life to blog.

I've found this to be true with a few other blogs I've been reading lately and with pregnancy announcements and some other pretty big life changes the silence on those blogs has been explained. {No, I'm not pregnant.}

Our time here is winding down. With less than three months left here in Uganda, I'm having trouble shutting off my brain. It's always, always going. Usually at hyper speed. I'm making lists in my head, on my computer, and on paper. I'm googling and researching and emailing and crossing things off said lists. {Which feels amazing, by the way.}

We've been house hunting online and our agent and a good friend of mine have been going to view a few houses for us. It's been a bit frustrating to not be physically present in these houses but also really amazing that they would take time from their lives to take pictures, videos and seriously consider the best options for us. But we've also been a bit disheartened with how expensive everything is. So we've started to rethink a bunch of things and now we're just not sure where we'll end up exactly. We're putting all the viewings on hold for now as we just can't fathom buying a house without first stepping inside of it.
But I'm still looking at houses online and favouriting all the ones I like. Even though they probably won't be around by the time we get back to Canada.

Trust. It always comes down to trusting Him. He's got a plan. He's got a house, our home. 

So if I'm not blogging as much as usual, you'll know the reason why.

my provider

The days are going by and my mind is nonstop thinking, thinking, thinking.

Two nights ago I lay in bed designing cupcakes, thinking up flavour combinations and dreaming of opening up my own bakery.

Today I emailed the school board we'll be putting our boys in, our old doctor's office, a real estate agent and a financial adviser in Canada.

I've been frequenting sites such as Kijiji {like Craigslist for my American friends} and mls.ca looking at furniture and houses.

I make lists in my head of things to do here, people to contact, information to acquire. {I really need to write these down. My brain is useless for actually holding onto information.}

I am googling resources on transition. I am looking up flights and packing restrictions.

I am pinning places to go, things to do, tips and tricks and recipes and DIYs that I want to do in Canada.

I think and I dream and I plan and I pray.
I'm here, but my mind is all-too-quickly going there. And I don't think it's a bad thing. Because all-too-quickly it will be my body going there too.
It's not that I'm unhappy here or anxiously counting down the days until we can leave this place. Because I'm not. I have loved these past two {just under by the time we leave} years here. I will miss this house, this city, this country. There are things that I look forward to in Canada, but there are things I know will drive me crazy, too.

But the transition from and preparation to leave Kampala has begun.

If there's one thing I have {re}learned while living here, it's that God knows. He is in control. So while I think and plan and research, I have not worried. In fact, I am excited to find out what He's got for us in Canada. What house we'll live in, where the boys will go to school, who we'll live "close" to. All these things and more, He already knows and they are good. He will meet our needs. He will take care of us and comfort us and be our Rock and lead us into adventures with Him as we learn {again} how to live like Canadians in Canada.

It's a daily reminder to my heart. God knows. He sees. He loves. He IS Love. He will provide.
Jehovah Jireh.

going, going, gone - sorta

so this morning we left our families in toronto and boarded a plane for a week of training in chicago.

with all our shtuff for the next 2 years in uganda.

oh yes. we increased our bags from 8 to 9. 

{i just couldn't make it fit.}

sucked it up and paid the luggage fees.

said our teary goodbyes {it was harder for me to watch our parents saying goodbye to our kids} and made our way through customs and to our gate {i 100% recommend sucking it up and paying a porter. especially if you've got kids and you have 9 pieces of luggage. plus carry on luggage. boy did we milk the carry on luggage.}

the boys did great on the plane. 

okay well noah did great. 

jude did not like the whole "sit in your seat with this seatbelt on which will restrict all moving around-type activities.

but whatevs.

all our bags arrived {quickly!} at o'hare and with the help of some friendly US staff people we shuffled all our bins over to the bus and made our way to the hotel.

leg one: completed.

relax

because everyone ought to sit on a front porch in pajamas with an umbrella as the sun sets.

excuse me while i go drown in packing.

why?

why are you moving to africa?

why are you packing up your lives {into 8 rubbermaid containers} and flying halfway around the world?

why are you going, especially when you have two young kids?

and then...

why are you taking your kids away from comfort? safety? opportunities? wealth? friends? family?

even if you don't say it, i know you think it sometimes.

because of Jesus.

because He loves us and it's his love that compels us to leave what we know for the unknown.

because our love for Him causes us {causes me} to actually desire to give up everything for the sake of bringing Him praise.

it's because of our kids that we are going.

not despite. or even though we have kids.

our call is their call. 

as a family we are called to africa.

the opportunities they will have are like none i could ever offer them living the life we live in canada.

their eyes will see things they would never see.

they will experience life as most of the world knows it.

 they will learn to live with little. 

and i know they will love it. 

{it's their parents that will probably have a harder time.}

they will see their parents striving to obey God and listening to His voice to go.

they will likely see us making mistakes and learning to lean on Him more and more. 

we will bond together in a way all families should, but the western world and all her distractions make so difficult.

us & Jesus. 

David Livingstone {missionary to africa} said this about leaving the "benefits" of england:

"Anxiety, sickness, suffering, or danger, now and then, with a foregoing of the common conveniences and charities of this life, may make us pause, and cause the spirit to waver, and the soul to sink; but let this only be for a moment. All these are nothing when compared with the glory which shall be revealed in and for us. I never made a sacrifice."

this is what i want for me. for us.

we leave in one week today.

there have been crazy setbacks due to my procrastination and lack of planning;

but we go....

(in 7 days and counting)

like, not just love

i took off my engagement ring the other day.
women in uganda don't wear engagement rings and quite a few don't wear wedding bands.
i'm already getting used to how it feels.

today we went down to the beach and oh.my.heart.
it does me good to be there.
jude fell asleep a few minutes before we got there so jamie and noah went for a walk along the boardwalk while i sat in the car and read my bible and listened to mumford & sons and watched two different cars parallel park with perfect execution.
the breeze was a little bit of heaven blowing in through our open car windows.

once jude was awake we had a picnic lunch consisting of boardwalk hotdogs and some of the best fries i've had in awhile.

it
was
perfect.

it was nice to just be our family. and i like our family. not just love them. but i like them too. i enjoy being together.
just us.

later on we spent some time with family friends that we've gotten together {multiple times a year} with since jamie and i were dating {and they were getting together long before that without me!} and made some more fun memories and said our good-byes and were incredibly blessed by their generosity and thoughtfulness.

we are so blessed.

summer

if this doesn't say summer to you, i'm not sure what will.

we've been having so much fun spending time with friends and family that i've barely picked up my camera and i've talked so much that i feel as though i have nothing to blog about!

{which is totally not true, but ... i'm processing verbally which is so much faster and satisfying.}

we got some bins that we're going to use in lieu of suitcases.

i bought a bunch of stuff from ikea today.

i'm making lists like a crazy woman {i actually enjoy making lists. besides, it helps me feel sane.}

the packing is beginning.

this is good.

and

i finally completed my "family yearbook" for 2010 and ordered it today {from blurb in case you were wondering. they are amazing. i've purchased at least 5 books from them and have NO regrets as well as being completely impressed at the quality and speed of delivery. true story.} and i'm really excited to get it. i think it will be really fun to have and look at while in uganda.

heartbeats

Every now and then it washes over me.

I am going to back to Africa. To live. With my husband and children.

My heart begins to pound with a teeny bit of insistence.

Looking at a friend's pictures {on facebook} of the city of Kampala and surrounding areas, the people, the streets, the lush green trees and grass it hit me all over again.

I am moving to Uganda.

Now I'm a fairly adventurous girl by nature. I am mostly laid-back. Low key is the name of my game. In a way, I'm sorta made to live in Africa.

And yet...panic. {Irrational} fear.

but for a moment...


The whole "be still and know that I am God" thing is the alternate beat of my heart.
I want to be still.
I want to let go of my {irrational} fears.
I want to release all of my hopes and plans for the next two years and surrender to His plans for me. For us.

I am not sure I can recall ever having such certainty about a calling on my life as I am about this move to Uganda for our family. At this time.

He wants us there. We want to be there.

His will be done.

In one week I will flying out of Paris with Jamie {2 days in Paris!} and into Uganda to find our home for the next two years and set up some other details before we fly back home several days later.
Would you pray we find the right home?
Thanks.

reflections

sigh.

i haven't picked up my camera in days.

i always find it difficult to blog or know what to blog when there's so much going on.
that's me right now.

living with my parents. in a new {old} city. seeing friends. missing friends. settling in. preparing to move across the world.
you know, normal stuff.

i'm running again.
with moving and settling in and vacationing i kinda fell off the bandwagon and my clothes are telling me that running again - it's a good idea.
i still have a sweet tooth that has a life of its own.

also, jamie just showed me this website and i really, really want to do it. with him. {how psycho cool are we?}

on sunday our pastor talked about the value in reflecting on your life experience and how it's the reflection that causes growth, not necessarily the experience.
i am striving to reflect more.
if only life would slow down enough for me to do that.

friend

my heart is full.
full of hellos and goodbyes and catching ups and excitement and nerves and plans and passions and frustrations and wrestling with thoughts of all sorts of wonderful, scary, challenging things.

life seems really busy/crazy these days.

i remarked to a sweet friend today that it seems that in the last year or less i've stumbled into these deep, real, raw, honest friendships and i ask God
why now?

and almost as quickly the answer comes back. so still. so perfect.

to sustain you while you're gone.


it seems like the timing is off, that just as these amazing friendships are developing i'm galavanting off to the other side of the world.
i don't know how many of these friendships will last, but i do know that all of them will change to some extent.
i also know that i am incredibly blessed to have so many amazing women in my life to call friend, regardless of the season of life or the distance that separates us.

moving day {or the one where i vow never to rent a truck from Uhaul again!}

first, i'm glad my moving day didn't look like this:



and it definitely could have been worse {it could have rained or been super cold} but it wasn't. in fact it was the perfect day. sunny but not too hot with a cool breeze every now and then.

moving day breakfast and Noah looking as unimpressed as i felt with Uhaul

but when we still hadn't heard from Uhaul {um, how are they still operating?} and it was 8am on the day OF THE MOVE {after numerous phone calls the night before and the morning of and jamie getting disconnected once after a 20 minute hold time on the phone} i was kinda pissed annoyed.
but we made the most of it and people came over when they could and we moved everything out to the garage and drive way and then this happened:

pick up soccer

and this:

watching movies on Daddy's computer {Noah is holding an unopened roll of wrapping paper, in case you were wondering}

and some of this:

naps out in the sun

and then finally! around 4pm {FOUR PEE EM!} we got the truck and started loading it up. jude was a little freaked out about all the moving and boxes {today was we moved some boxes into my parents' attic he was totally freaking out again. poor fella. he hates boxes now.} and was quite clingy and wanting to be with jamie. this time though, i was prepared for it. noah was almost this age when we moved out of our apartment {when i was 7 months pregnant with jude!} and it was quite a traumatic experience for him so i was prepared for this kind of behaviour with jude.

the truck was bigger than we originally booked, but God is sovereign because He knew we'd need the space {sigh. we have so much more stuff than i originally thought. kinda depressing.}. and of course the kids got a huge kick out of going inside the cab and truck. 

when all was said and done, we were out and unpacked in Toronto {our temporary home until we leave for Uganda at the end of August} by around 8:30pm. 

what a day!

not how i anticipated our move to go, but thank God it's over! 

a HUGE thank you to all our family and friends who came to help pack, move, clean and support us through this move! 

{and now i'm off to read articles on the riots in Kampala and Osama Bin Laden's death - my life is good. i have much to be thankful for.}

be back soon

don't mind the chaos.
{also in somewhat related news, i hate packing.}

we move {to Toronto} on saturday. 

see ya sometime after that!

success!

i haven't posted in a couple days.

i've been working hard.

today was our garage sale.

it was a smashing success and now...

i am beyond tired.

more to come on the epic garage sale.

but here's a picture my sister snapped

on being productive

We've been all about packing, sorting, organizing and preparing for our BIG garage sale happening this Saturday.
As I was going through the office closet I found 8 pillows. EIGHT!
I tossed them downstairs and made a "bed" in the middle of the living room for the boys (Jude is sick and Noah's always happy to have a "movie day") and we chilled at home today.
I got some pricing done and some sorting but the way I work (is this the way it works for everyone?) is that it almost always gets messier before it gets cleaner.
So we're kinda living in chaos and disorder.
I realized something about myself recently - or perhaps I put into words and a distinct thought what I had always felt before - I can handle the mess and disorder but the outcome is that I am prone to feeling overwhelmed and I usually end up doing nothing.
An organized, clean house leads to a productive Vanessa.
And that is a good thing.
Now, to get busy "organizing".

on finding my groove

today was weird.

i couldn't find my groove until about 4pm when i finally had a shower.

i started sorting and pricing for our garage sale this weekend. (insert anxious emoticon here)

so that was something.

and then we bought noah this sesame street numbers/letters/shapes computer game and i fear i have opened pandora's box (it's his first computer game).

but it's cute.

(and portable so we'll be bringing it with us when we move.)

i hope for more productivity tomorrow.

(and warmer weather for the rest of the week. and especially saturday.)

stuff

we have too much of it.

and i am one happy purger.

except it takes a lot of work.

and i hit a wall (figuratively speaking, that is) today and ended up taking a glorious 30 minute nap.

but i got some sorting done. and some clearing done.

this might not look like much to you, but i guarantee that it's so much better for our downstairs tenant to walk through the garage now (that's his only entrance). 

look!

you can see the floor!

(ps that's his stuff at the front left.)