March THREE {on the fourth}

They like to take all the pillows off the couch and build boats or walls or forts or hideouts. It's a rare occasion that they put them all back. At first I contemplated making a rule about not taking cushions off the couch. But...I'd rather them take the cushions off and use their imaginations than keep the living room pristine with them glued to the tv because there's nothing else to do.

They are growing, growing, growing. Fighting and talking and laughing and eating {a lot!} and wrestling and making messes and learning and it's going all so fast and yet so slowly sometimes.

I seriously don't even know how I managed to capture that picture. Nothing short of a miracle, folks.

I am exhausted and full and happy and sometimes yelling and hugging and kissing and tickling and teaching and correcting and loving. I am filled to the brim and yet often completely drained. Motherhood is a complex thing.
Blaise is finally sleeping better {glory hallelujah!}, Noah is reading like a fiend and it thrills my heart every time he reads a book or a word or a sign and Jude is always full of questions {and stories} about life and God and so soft to the gospel despite his challenging behaviour at times {which one of us doesn't have "challenging behaviour" in our own lives?}.

I am just trying to live each moment to the fullest and soak it all in.

Every month I take pictures of my boys on the third {or fourth}. See past months here. 

January THREE {2014!}

It's a new year and I'm still taking pictures on the third!  Blaise is always, always busy, moving, doing, getting into trouble. He can pull himself up onto the dining room chair and then climb onto the table from there. It's pretty intense. He learned how to say "NO!" this week. Which is awesome. Right? Uh. Yeah.
He's my pickiest eater yet. I never know what he will or won't eat. Except sugar. He will always eat cookies, cake, chocolate or anything else he somehow just knows is full of the good white stuff.
He's my hitter. My scratcher. People, it's not easy having the rough kid. We were at a friends' house on New Years Eve and I had to follow Blaise around to make sure he wasn't hurting the two other babies there. The kid is a bruiser, I tell ya.

Jude. Still marching to the beat of his own drum. Or the toot of the horn. Whichever. He's had a major case of the whines this last week which is driving me bonkers and yet he's still so adorable with his floppy hair and squinchy eyes and belly laugh. I love the kid, but he certainly knows how to push my buttons. He got his beloved "big rocket!" for Christmas which he and Noah have been loving playing with all week. He hates the cold and would rather be playing inside than outside in the cold although he does oblige Noah {who incidentally loves the snow!} and will bundle up and go sledding or shovel the driveway.

My first born, Noah. I love him so but we have been butting heads recently. He's so sweet and tenderhearted, though. He usually helps around the house, willingly {though often needing a reminder} cleans up the toys, even if it wasn't his mess and is slowly learning to read. We have totally slacked in helping him with "homework" this holiday and I need to get on that. It's hard finding time to hunker down and do school work over the holiday with three kids. And it's a holiday so I want to let him watch tv and play with toys and go outside and not have to always do school stuff. I'm so motivated by education, can you tell? Ha.
Anyway, we'll put in a decent effort in the eleventh hour, I'm sure.

So this is the new year and I won't make any resolutions {I've never been the type}, but I will make lists and dream dreams and have hopes and as always, I don't want this year to just breeze by. I'm making it count and living it to the fullest that I can.
Happy New Year!

Every month I take pictures of my boys on the third. You can see past months here. 

learning to lean

I am not the most spirit-filled person at 6am. Especially when it's 6am and I am changing wet sheets on the top bunk. True story.

I was driving home from my parents' house on Saturday night and all three boys were asleep. At a stop light, I turned around and stared in their sweet, sweet faces as they breathed deeply in absolute peace and relaxation and I felt so blessed. I am blessed. And in that moment, thoughts of wet beds and early mornings are about the farthest things from my mind.

But then 11:30pm comes and Jude throws up all over himself. And it's sheet-changing time again. But we get through it. And both boys {Noah had a fever} napped on and off all day on Sunday and today woke up feeling well enough to fight with each other so I sent them both to school. Also a true story. 

Last week while I was sick, Jamie took Blaise and Jude {on his non-school day} to the Y in the mornings and one morning, Jamie came to pick up Blaise and he was on the other side of the play area, away from the other kids. The childcare worker handed Blaise to Jamie and said, 

So Blaise had some difficulties this morning with other children.
He was hitting children.

On the head.

With a book.

Oh my. I laughed out loud when I heard this but not out of pride {of course I'm not proud} but it's just what it is. Poor kid has learned to hit from his older brother and is doing what he knows. So we're continually emphasizing his need to be gentle and not to hit. When we were out for dinner last week, Blaise was getting rough with Noah as he was grabbing Noah's arm and pinching him so I said, 

Blaise, be gentle. Gentle touches.

Blaise looked at me and then looked at Noah and embraced his arm and gently stroked it. Again, I laughed. He's a smart cookie and he knows. So we'll keep working on it, but it's good to know that he's learning to be gentle and understands how to do it.

And today after a wicked spin class at the Y I picked Blaise up and they said that instead of throwing a ball at the baby's head {!}, he waved instead. Progress indeed!

Right now I'm sitting in a very quiet house. Blaise is asleep. The boys are at school. I'm munching on sugar snap peas and hummus {I'm trying to be good although I totally sabotaged myself by buying a bag of peanut butter cups. Sigh.} and it's so quiet that I'm tempted to put some music on. But then I stop and just embrace the quiet. There is so little quiet in my life that I need to soak it up and remember what quiet feels like.
Today the wind is blowing and it's a winter wonderland out there. I am thankful for a home with heat and hot showers. I am thankful for a good school for my kids and a fridge with yummy food in it. I am thankful for parents who come and spend the day with us on Sunday to help keep the crazies at bay. I am thankful for Jude and his sweet heart that I see tuned towards Jesus, especially in prayers like this, "And thank you God for sending Jesus as a baby and that He died on the cross so I didn't have to die." Such a gem. Such sweetness in my heart.
Even though I am missing Jamie, I am learning how to lean even more heavily upon Jesus and His people.

it's 9:15 and this is my life

I stack a few plates to make room on the kitchen table for my computer. Ella Fitzgerald is singing about New Years Eve and Blaise is happily munching away on  banana bread and swaying to the music.
I'm trying out a new class at the Y this morning and looking forward to it. I haven't done an official Pilates class other than the videos I did in Uganda but I'm hoping it's a good, hard class and I'm hurting tomorrow. I like workouts that aren't a waste of my time.
I cut a few more cubes of banana bread for Blaise and we do a bit of a face off as he whines for ALL THE CUBES instead of just the four I've plopped on his tray. I win.
Noah and Jude are already at school and I wonder what they're up to right now.
I've finished my Advent envelopes and I stare at them through the doorway that connects our kitchen to our dining room. I'm thinking about that article that's gone viral -
Blaise is finished his cubes and wants more. I make a stack of four on his tray and watch him knock it over and then try and replicate the tower I made. We both hear the heater come on and he points to the front door.
- so back to that article. It was about celebrating Christmas with "littles" and how we as Mothers shouldn't strive for perfection, but rather to be present. And I think this is true and good. Lately I've tried to only do things that bring joy and refreshment to our family. I don't always succeed, but if something is really stressing me out, I scrap it. This is my approach to advent activities. I love them and I know the boys do as well, but if it's overwhelming me, then I opt for something more low-key like watching a favourite Christmas movie or listening to Christmas music and making popcorn.
I think this will be key for us all as I'll be solo parenting for 10 days this December as Jamie is in Africa encouraging the team that took over for us when we left.
The milk sippy cup gets chucked onto the floor. I had forgotten this "throwing all the things on the ground" stage. It's annoying. But Blaise is now trying to make me smile and laugh by making cute noises and bonking his head. A talent he no-doubt gets from his brothers.
He wants his milk back and adorably signs "please". I praise him and hand him his milk.
He's done eating and it's almost time for us to head to the Y.
I'll go a bit early so I can spend a bit of time reading the Word. I'm longing for my heart to be set right during this Advent season.

And with that, it's time to pack up and go!

settling and preparing

It seems as though we are finally settling into a bit of a routine and it seems to be working. The boys are doing well at school and I'm finally getting in some exercise at the Y {now that Blaise has dropped the morning nap gloryhallelujah}. Jamie and I are getting out every now and then and the Christmas and Advent preparations are in full-swing.

I'll be doing Advent envelopes with the boys again and I'm looking forward to continuing that tradition with them. We'll also be reading the first bit of Luke 2 every day with the boys and you better believe that the Christmas music will be playing non-stop. {Have you heard that Page CXVI is putting out an Advent album? It releases on December 3rd! Get your copy here!}



I have so many hopes and dreams and things I want to do but I'm striving for simplicity. So some things will have to wait. All good things. But sometimes the best things are few. Refined and focused and lovely and soul-refreshing. So we will do a few of the best things and wait and anticipate celebrating Jesus' birth here in Canada. Surrounded by family and friends in the snow and cold with slippers and hot chocolate, winter coats and boots, church and neighbours and candles and sparkly Christmas trees. I am embracing Christmas and winter and choosing to love each and every moment of it {even when it's so cold that tears stream down my face. *sob*}

a 14 month breastfeeding journey

Blaise has been such a ham these days. It's such a fun {but ridiculously busy} age. He's dropped his morning nap and has started to self-wean from the breast. I'm sad, but also happy about how it seems to be going. I've just sorta let it be whatever it is and the other night he rejected his bedtime nursing so I just cuddled him for a minute and then put him in his crib and left.

Even though he's still not sleeping through the night {so far that's only ever happened once} at least he goes to sleep super easy and will go down for others too.

Last week Jamie and I went out with a bunch of friends to a concert in Hamilton. It was the longest I've left Blaise during the evening. If I'm gone in the day, I'm usually back to put him down for the night. But we left at 4pm and my Mom single handedly fed the boys and put them all down for the night. Even Blaise!

So...weaning. We'll see how it all goes. I'm happy it's lasted this long as he's likely my last biological child and so there's that sentimental part of me that is soaking up every last minute nurturing him from my body {I'm still amazed by this} and wondering when it will be my last time to breastfeed him.

It does make sense that he is self-weaning though, because in the last month and a bit his appetite has increased dramatically. It's like he realized how awesome solid food is and he just can't get enough of it. He still is picky {I would say}, and he definitely has his Mama's sweet tooth, but he eats a lot now. I believe this is the part where we enter the whole "three boys are going to eat us out of house and home" part of life.

So that's my journey so far. It's been incredibly liberating and empowering to be able to breastfeed all three of my boys and to get to the point where I don't feel the need to "cover myself" in public while breastfeeding. I'm so thankful for all the bloggers and friends and online resources I had access to that encouraged me. Oh and living in Uganda. Cuz that was awesome.

Happy 14 months to my baby!

November THREE

Nobody sits still in this house any more. Not even me. Only I wish I could.
But I digress. Needless to say, life is BUSY!

Blaise wants whatever we have. Gone are the days of sneaking sweets or other food in front of him {and away from the big boys}. He knows. And he wants it. Whatever "it" happens to be. Today it was Jamie's Pepsi and the old camera the boys were playing with. And he knows when he's touching something he shouldn't. The other day I had a box of tampons sitting at the top of the stairs waiting to be put away. {Just add it to the list, please.} Well I heard him crawling up the stairs and so I went up after him. He heard me, scampered up as fast as he could, headed for the box of tampons, grabbed a fist full and ran down the hallway as fast as he could move those chubby little legs. I laughed so hard. Oh yes. It's on the blog. And you will be so grossed out one day, mister.
Also? I discovered the bottoms of his feet are super ticklish. It's really cute.

I don't know where he's getting it from, but Noah's Mister Pose these days. Seriously! He's got great poses whenever I've held up my camera. {Check out this post from Halloween for another awesome pose he did with Jude in their costumes. I love the hand on the hip and the other arm around Jude!}
He's slowly starting to sound out words and gain the confidence he needs to sound out words he doesn't know or recognize. He's been sounding out words and writing them in school assignments and it's cute to try and read what he's written.

Jude is still the family comedian and a full-time resident of Planet Jude. Today while I was out grocery shopping after church, Jamie sent me a text message with a picture of Jude taking a nap in his closet. Apparently it was his idea and Jamie helped him get set up with his pillow and blanket. Not that I'm surprised.

These boys. I've not been the most patient Mama {or wife} lately. I continue to be aware more than ever of my shortcomings and lackings and am learning to lean heavily upon Jesus to be my all so I can love my family better.

There is so much to be thankful for. The most recent and exciting? I'm going to be an Auntie! My sister is due with her first baby in May and I am so excited!
So there is much. I feel like I should have figured out life here by now. But I haven't. Slowly. And with much grace and humility. I'll get there. I hope.

Every month I {try to} take pictures of my three boys. Check out past months' here.

friends and birthdays and Halloween {o my!}

Last week worlds collided. Our best friends from Uganda came to visit us from New Jersey! The Hallahans {you can read about our times in Uganda here and here or you can check out Kelly's blog here} were doing a road trip across America and stopped in to visit with us for a few days. It was awesome and such a gift. 

Kelly and I. I was super pumped to be able to see her and her baby bump {a girl!}.

Happy {loud} times with these boys reunited. 

It was great to catch up and chat with friends who understand what life is like in North America but also what life is like in Uganda. That is a precious gift to me that I honestly didn't think would happen. So glad they came!

Their visit was perfectly timed with Noah's birthday {and party} so after school on Noah's birthday we had his party which included a couple friends from school, the Hallahan boys, a friend from church and Jude. Of course. 

Noah wanted to have a Star Wars Angry Birds party and I {of course} waited until pretty much the last minute until calling in a {HUGE} favour from my Mom to bust out the cake skills and make one for Noah. 

Right? I mean, mind = blown. 

So that was awesome. And we played Star Wars Angry Birds bingo and one of Noah's friends kept winning but he had THE BEST declaration of bingo I think I've ever heard which made me laugh every time so it was all good.

And then yesterday was Halloween! 

We totally rocked the group theme costume.

These crazy kids. Such troopers and highly motivated by candy. Seriously. They walked around the neighbourhood with no complaints in the wind and rain and cold. For candy. Reminds me of this:

"EVERYONE WE KNOW IS JUST GIVING OUT CANDY!?!?" Love it.

Noah was Clone Commander Rex {from Star Wars The Clone Wars}, Jude was Darth Vader and Blaise was an Ewok. Cute, eh? {I'm biased, I know.}

And then my family came over for dinner to celebrate my sister's graduation ceremony from University. It was such a happy night and I love my house being full of noise and love and laughter. Exactly what I had pictured in our living room {which is coming along! Hardwood laminate floors and white walls. No art or baseboards but it's getting there.}. Good food. Lots of laughter and love. Can't go wrong there.

Happy Weekend to you! I am trying to keep up with my blogging. Eventually I'll figure out a way to stay up to date here while also staying present in the real world. Thanks for hanging in there with me!

a recounting of our weekend seasoned with sarcasm

I am breathing a huge sigh of relief. We made it through the long weekend. It was long. And full. And crazy. And fun. But I'm kinda glad it's done.

It was my sister-in-law's wedding on Saturday {rehearsal on Friday night} and our whole family was in the wedding party and Thanksgiving on Sunday and then we installed new floors on Monday. Ridonc.

I don't have any tips on doing stuff like this.
Jude drew on Blaise's face with blue marker on Friday. It eventually came off, but it wasn't a washable marker so I had a moment of panic. Then he {Jude} got stung by a bee on his pinky finger. Friday was pretty awesome.
We didn't do the rehearsal dinner on Friday night and opted to leave right after to get home and sleep in our own beds before the big wedding day. Jude threw up seconds after arriving home. Yeah, that happened.
Noah fell down the church steps moments before the processional and then refused to walk down the aisle.
I made little fun bags for the boys to open during the ceremony and promptly forgot them in the car. So that was useful.
Jamie and I had many moments where we just looked at each other with wild, harried looks in our eyes wondering what on earth we had gotten ourselves into.
But the wedding was beautiful, the weather was absolutely perfect and we definitely had fun and enjoyed ourselves. It was hilarious and adorable to watch our boys tear up the dance floor. They loved pulling out the dance moves, sneaking candy from the candy table and taking hilarious pictures in the photo booth.

Sunday was fun and family and food. Ain't nothin' wrong with that.

Sunday night my brother Curtis slept over so that on Monday he could help us install our new floors in our living/dining room. He's a freakin' superstar. And our floors look so good. They almost make me giddy.

This morning I realized Noah had no pants to wear that were clean and threw in the jeans I had forgotten to dry into the dryer this morning in hopes that they would dry before school. {They did. Whew.} Jamie walked Noah up to the bus stop and came back and said, "So today was picture day." Hashtag face palm.
I just hope he didn't have yogurt smeared all over his face.

enough

There are moments where I ask myself,
Did the last two years even happen?
Because everything seems the same. I seem the same. They seem the same. This city and all the familiar places seem ... the same.

And then there are moments that are almost like a slap in the face with clarity and realization that scream in my face, YES. The last two years really did happen and I wasn't here. I was in Uganda. I have changed. So has everyone else. In one way or another.

Isn't it funny that what I missed most while I was in Uganda, is the same thing I miss now that I'm back in Canada?
Being known. Belonging. 

It's like re-learning the lesson of where I truly belong and can call home all over again.
This isn't my home. I'm not meant to feel truly settled on this earth.

I'm struggling to find my routine. To figure out where and how I fit. To figure out what I'm supposed to be doing here. In Guelph. In this life.
The simple answer is giving glory to God in all that I am.

But what does that mean for me, a Mother of three boys, two of which have just started school for the first time? What does that mean for me, a wife, married to my best friend, but trying to find time for our marriage in the middle of chaos and a fast-paced life? What does that look like? What does it mean for me?

And the things that Jesus is teaching me are things He's already taught me before. And the way He continues to reveal the ugliness of my soul can sometimes feel devastating and frustrating.

But there is grace. And sweet gentleness. And unconditional love. And mercy.

Last week I read through the book of Ephesians {hands down, my favourite book in the Bible} and once again was just struck with the depth of my need for a Saviour and how despite my rebellious, ugly nature, Christ died for me. He loved me. Before I ever did a thing to love him or move toward him with any good intentions or repentance.
Before I was repentant
He came for me.

So I don't really know a lot these days. But I do know that I am loved. That He chose me. And I think that if I really internalize and ruminate upon that truth, all my actions will flow from His love for me. 

And that will be enough. 

home

Two months to the day that we arrived back in Canada we were sleeping in our very own home. At long last.
We moved in last week and it's been crazy and busy and awesome and tiring.

We are officially home owners! Our house is great. It's dated and there's a lot to do to make this space feel happy but it's ours and we're here. And that is enough to keep me sane. Most days.

We just got internet today, Jamie's back to work and the boys start school next week. So yeah. Crazy times ahead. If I do recall, I did tell myself that once we moved back to Canada it would be go-go-go right into the foreseeable future. I'm so smart.

Oh! And we have a pool! Well, our town house complex has one. All the benefits with none of the work. That's my kind of pool!

If anyone still reads my blog, thanks for sticking it out during the echoing silence here.
More to come. Oh! And I'm on Instagram now so you can follow me there if you want to see the ins and outs of life here at Casa Crazy Strickland.

i'm just here

We've been back in Canada for almost three weeks now. 

It's actually really surreal to be back. In some ways I almost feel like, Did the last two years even happen? because some things are just exactly like how they used to be whether it's relationships or places or people. But in other ways I feel such a disconnect that reminds me {quite loudly} that I've spent the last two years of my life living and loving in Africa. 

It's been busy and full and tiring and fun and lots of time at parks and splash pads and full of trips to the mall and shops that are full of lovely, pretty things that remind me how easy it is for me to fall into

I want, I need, I must have. 

We've been living with friends and it's been good but I am longing for our own home. Somewhere to settle. Somewhere to love and make memories and turn into a building that welcomes others in to join in on our loud, messy, love-filled life. 

And on that note, we did find and buy our very first home! {More to come on our house, what we thought it might be, what we ended up getting and my hopes for the different spaces in it.} We get possession mid-August and I am all over Pinterest and Apartment Therapy and tons of other design blogs getting ideas and plans to turn into a place that encourages creativity and soul-refreshment and joy-filled living.

I haven't journalled and I obviously haven't been blogging so there's a lot inside my head. I just need time and space for it all to come out. There's a lot to process and I'm not going to lie; most evenings I just want to watch a tv show and go to bed. It's exhausting. But we'll figure out how to make the last two years mesh into the life we find ourselves in to make our new normal. Thanks for still following along here despite the quietness.

**all pictures except for the first two were taken by my very talented sister

tomorrow...we fly!

I'm not sure if one is ever truly "ready" for any big life change; getting married, having a baby, moving to another country. You can read all the books and take all the classes and make your "to-do" list and talk all you want about it but I've never met a person who said, "Oh yes. This big life change is going exactly as I planned it. I knew it would exactly this way." Because life just isn't predictable or controllable that way.

We've been counting down the days since May as a way to help us all see how little time we have left here. Literally crossing off the days as we go. And yet here I sit in our living room with our bags almost entirely packed and I still think to myself, "We're leaving Uganda tomorrow! Crazy!"

I've said from the beginning that time was going to fly by and yet I'm still shocked that we're here. It's the day before we leave and close this chapter of our lives together. And I'm ready and excited and yet...it's still surreal. I have no doubt in my mind that that there will be some grieving that won't happen until I'm back in Canada and re-adjusting back to Canadian culture.

We'll board a plane tomorrow morning and leave this place we've called home for almost two years. This house that has been home to Jamie and I longer than any other home we've lived in since being married. {How crazy is that?}

So I've done everything I needed to do. The rest is an adventure and we'll just see what happens as we get there.

one week left ramblings

In exactly one week, I will be checked in at the airport and getting ready to board our flight outta here.

Yeah.

In my mind, it still seems like a lifetime away before we leave. Like it's not really going to happen.

I realized I am a "pre-processor" which to me means that I do a lot of my processing ahead of time. Which would explain why I don't like long, lengthy good-byes. Just say your good-byes, maybe give a good hug and get out of there asap. I've already grieved and accepted that it's a sad thing to leave. And I've probably moved on to being excited about what's to come. So please don't think I'm cold-hearted if I don't shed a tear. It's possible I've shed tears about this exact moment; just a few weeks ago.

Yesterday we sent back two bins {remember these bad boys?} and a bag with the staff team that left to go back to Canada. I am quite proud that I was able to pack up two of those things and it'll be nice not to have to lug them with us {as we'll likely have five others to lug. plus kids. that'd be a lot of luggin'.}.

It's hard to pack with a crawling, mischievous baby. Who doesn't sleep at night. {Still.}

I keep seeing lovely Ugandan things I want to buy and bring back with me. {I love craft markets!}

I can't wait to see and hug all my friends and family.

I am nervous about peoples' expectations of me/our family and the fight against a packed schedule to see and do ALL THE THINGS. {Sometimes I am a "worst-case scenario" kind of person.}

We went swimming yesterday and I need a new bathing suit. So does Blaise. He's not quite as chunky as Noah was at this age as the 12-18 month suit doesn't quite stay up on him. But he definitely loved swimming! So there's that.

Last week I took down all the pictures from the walls. They look so barren now.

Today I will pack some more. And try to remember this:

today we are...

a bit sick and feverish

saying YES to snacking and why do we need three square meals a day anyway?

cuddling and nursing babies back to longer naps

watching movies {Star Wars!} and reading books

doing a bit of packing
cleaning
sorting
purging

solo parenting

looking at houses online

listening to countless facts and stories about Star Wars

hanging laundry

chugging water and occasionally popping Tylenol to combat a nagging headache

today we are taking it easy. because all rules go out the window when some of us are sick and there's only one parent.

today I am leaning into Jesus to be more than what I need.

lately...

In my ears
The Oh Hellos - Through the Deep, Dark Valley

I've been listening to this album on repeat. Over and over and over again and I can't get enough of it. Usually my life and my days are so full of noise that I don't have time right away to listen to lyrics {this isn't ideal, but it's my current state of reality} but I enjoy the musical-ness of it. After listening to this album for probably the seventh time in a row, some of the lyrics stuck out and sunk in and I realized that they are likely Christians. Which is pretty cool. I like it when people who love Jesus make great art/music.

Such great music.

And how amazing is this one:

In my heart & in my house
Pizza night

We'd already done one pizza night and it ended up being on Mother's Day with me working pretty hard to make enough pizza from scratch to feed 14 adults. I had a few helpers, but it was a bit lonely and not very much fun although I do enjoy serving people and loving them by feeding them.
Last night, though, we made pizza night a team event and I had tons of cheese graters, veggie choppers, and pizza dough mixers. The music was playing and I took the opportunity to grill one of our interns on his love life. Because I can. Ha!
I looked around at our team enjoying pizza and as I continued to roll out the dough I smiled deeply and felt incredibly satisfied. This is what I want and this is what I envision when I say I love to host people. I love having people in my home and eating together. This is, I think, the ultimate goal of hospitality. Not rushing around doing it all on my own, but the loving each other, the talking and laughing with each other and the eating and preparing together.

On my Kindle
Bread & Wine by Shauna Niequist {on sale for $3.99 today!}

This book is delicious and inspiring and hopeful and exciting.
I've been reading it and wanting to shout "YES!" at so many moments, but I don't because there's usually a sleeping baby within earshot.
It's a collection of essays about life and faith and celebrating the two with friends around your table with amazing food. And how we all should do it. Here are a few quotes:

"Life at the table is life at its best to me, and the spiritual significance of what and how we eat, and with whom and where, is new and profound to me every day."

"Get comfortable with people in your home, with the mess and the chaos. Focus on making people comfortable, on creating a space protected from the rush and chaos of daily life, a space full of laughter and safety and soul."

"I want my kids to learn firsthand and up close that different isn't bad, but instead that different is exciting and wonderful and worth taking the time to understand. I want them to see themselves as bit players in a huge, sweeping, beautiful play, not as the main characters in the drama of our living room. I want my kids to taste and smell and experience the biggest possible world, because every bite of it, every taste and texture and flavor is delicious."

So good, right? Ugh. So good.

Oh did I tell you I ate grasshoppers? I was influenced by my own child. We had fried grasshoppers one night but I was putting Blaise down for bed. The next afternoon there were some left over and Jude picked one up and said, "Can I eat it?" and I said, "Sure!" and he seemed hesitant so I encouraged him to try one. He said, "Can I stick my tongue on it?" and I told him that he could and when he licked it, his eyes lit up and he said they tasted salty and then promptly stuck the whole thing in his mouth and went back to eat a few more. Then he handed me one and asked if I would eat one.
People. It's a grasshopper. It's gross looking. I could see the eyes! But I couldn't say that I wasn't willing to try something to Jude when he had just shown me that he was willing to try something new. So I popped one in. It wasn't bad. Kinda like popcorn. I was expecting a spurt or something disgusting. But it was fine. Then I even ate one again so Jamie could get it on camera. Because I'm awesome like that.

10 things that living overseas has taught me

Usually I write my best blog posts when I'm lying in bed. In my head. And then I'm too lazy to write them down on paper. And then I forget them. Sigh.
But I've been reflecting a lot on these past two years and a few things have come to mind that I didn't actually realize until recently.
So here's 10 things that living overseas has taught me:

1. I don't use as many paper products as I used to.
Paper towels and napkins are just more expensive here and it's so much easier to use a dish towel or other hand towel to mop up messes and throw it into the wash instead of using up pricier paper towels. I've also ordered about 24 cloth napkins made out of the traditional fabric here, kikoy. So I'm excited to be able to bring those back with us and use them in Canada. {But I still am using disposable diapers. *gasp* I know. I'm killing the environment. Sigh. I'm doing what I can, folks. I'm doing what I can.}

2. The value of living a slower paced life. 
It took me awhile to adjust to how slow life is and how long it takes to get things done. But I really do love it and enjoy it. It's probably not going to be replicated in Canada, but I am definitely taking this idea back to implement in a way that will work for our life in Canada. I am not for cramming schedules and packing in as many activities and extra curriculars into our lives. My kids will be better off for spending more time as a family and less time running around to every extra activity that will supposedly boost their *insert whathaveyou here*. End Rant.

3. How to drive with less road rage.
It's true. Okay so I didn't really have road rage per se, but I used to get so angry at bad drivers. Now I drive with a couple million of them. So I just laugh. Once I was driving along a straight-away and a guy parked on my side of the road but in the opposite direction pulls out right out in front of me and I slam on the breaks. Then he proceeds to shake his hand at me and give me a bad look and all I can do is laugh at him and shake my hand back. Honestly. Bad drivers. I laugh in the face of bad drivers! Ha ha ha ha! {Lion King quote anyone?}

4. How to give thanks for the hard things.
It's easy to give thanks for the beautiful sunshine and the gorgeous view and the sweet times of family cohesion, but what about sickness and power outages and screaming kids and friends and family who are hurting on the other side of the world? I definitely don't have this one down. But I've grown a lot in this area of my life and I find myself giving thanks

5. A closeness with my husband and kids that I likely would not have had otherwise.
Of course I would have been close with my family if we had stayed in Canada. But doing life through birthdays and holidays and the every days with just us has really been such a precious experience. We've been able to form traditions that are uniquely ours. We've been able to leisurely enjoy Christmas and Easter without frantically zipping around from family to family to family to make sure we see everyone and do everything. And I have loved it. I will treasure these past two years in my heart and memories.

6. Taking a Sabbath doesn't mean going to a church building.
It's no secret that we've not been the most faithful church goers during these last 2 years. But somehow we've found a way to connect with other Jesus followers and be fed from the Word whether it's through listening to sermons or reading books or just through our quiet times. I'm not going to lie, I have missed our church family back in Guelph. A lot. And I am really looking forward to getting back into a church when we go back, but I've learned that it's not the building that's important but the attitude of the heart and the gathering of believers.

7. True community and friendship often require work. Especially if you're living overseas.
For our first year here, I drove 30 minutes each way every Thursday to visit Kelly and her boys. And I would do it all over again. It was worth getting pulled over almost every time I drove to her house. {Not because I'm a bad driver. Just because...well, they like to pull people over and get bribes here.} So yeah. It was work, but it was completely worth it.

8. I don't need very much to live and live well.
I brought over 3 pots and a few pans and a couple good knives. I bought a few other things here. My fridge is a glorified bar fridge. My oven is teeny tiny. I don't have half of what I had in my kitchen in Canada. And I'm perfectly content. You better believe I'll be doing a subsequent purge of the {few} things I have stored back in Canada when we get back. It's refreshing for me and my family when we have less things. Good things, but less things. I am also feeling particularly passionate about seriously purging the amount of toys and books the boys have. The more they have, the more bored and overwhelmed they become. When we purge and organize here, they play more happily.

9. Always make more food than you think you'll need. you never know who's going to show up for dinner.
Yup.
I already knew it in my heart/head, but I love hosting and feeding people. I really enjoy having people in our house and we've done a LOT of it these past two years. Whether it's visitors from Canada or Ugandan friends or other expats, we've had some good times in this house with others. It's confirmed for me that this is something that I want to continue upon returning to Canada.

10. To yearn for my heavenly home.
When we live in our home culture, it's easy to be comfortable. But when we live in a culture where we don't look like everyone else and we don't speak the language, when we stand out as foreigners, it's uncomfortable. And sometimes just "going back home" isn't what we truly want either. We discover what we should have been cultivating inside ourselves all along; a yearning for heaven. A yearning to be home and be known fully and loved fully. And ultimately that won't be found in Canada or America or Uganda or anywhere else.
This has been a tough lesson for me, and one that I haven't particularly enjoyed, but it's been the most important of them all. And I'm glad.

ruminations

I've been doing a lot of processing and ruminating lately. 

I've always yearned for authenticity in friendships. This yearning has often lead to me being someone who is guilty of "the overshare". {Here I am. Know me. Looove me.}

These last two years we've lived with a total of 3 people "outside" of our family although they've all become very much a part of ours. It's been good and sometimes tricky to not have our own space. I look forward to walking into our living room in my pajamas in the mornings. Or having a private conversation with Jamie in our living room. But I will miss having others around to interact with and build those connections with as well as see our boys do the same.

I've become close friends with Kelly during our time in Uganda and we've "done life" together - during weekly play dates and sleepovers and the rare {coveted} time we hang out with no kids. I said to Jamie last night that I am so sad this season of our friendship is over. I'm in mourning. 

I've been reading a book where the author talks about the idea of "being brave" with your friends. And I love that. Because sometimes {most times} honesty and authenticity and vulnerability requires courage and bravery. I can think of at least two friends that I can always count on to be brave and honest with me and those that I can be brave and honest with as well, knowing there's a foundation of love and friendship to rest on when the truth can hurt.

I've missed my friends and my community back in Canada/Guelph and I've experienced some sweet fellowship over skype and emails, but it doesn't compare with the face-to-face conversations I've had here and I had before we moved here.

We're not meant to live alone, isolated, without community. We're meant to live in community. Brushing shoulders with one another. Laughing loudly. Crying together. Making and eating food with each other and in each other's homes. Holding each others' kids and celebrating birthdays together. 

I'm not sure I always embraced community during these last two years, but the times I did, I don't regret. 

things I'll miss 3.0

Time is moving at a pace that's far too quick for me. I keep being astonished every time I look at the calendar - seven weeks - no SIX weeks left!

We've got a team from Canada here to do some missions work with until the 11th of June and life is full and busy and tiring. The laundry is running, the floors are sandy, toys are everywhere and the evenings are loud.
But life is good and I feel like I'm trying to stay sane and go to bed early all the while soak in as much as I can before we go.

I'll miss the pineapple. The sweet, drippy, cheap pineapple.

I'll miss driving here in Kampala. I know. It's true I complain about it a lot, but I think it's a love-hate relationship. I love how victorious I feel after I've driven somewhere here. I have driven {and driven well, I might add} in Kampala. I have survived the chaos of this city. I can maneuver potholes like a boss. And I have learned how to laugh at bad drivers and foolish moves instead of going all crazy road-rage on them.

I'll miss the beautiful and cheap flowers. I've never had so many fresh flowers in my home. Ever. I'll definitely miss the flowers.

I'll miss our slow, simple life. This I think most of all. Yes, some days I feel like a hermit and I have few friends here and I rarely get out and sometimes I'm seconds away from pulling my hair out of my head, but I know that moving back to Canada is going to change all that. The rest of this year {probably} we'll be doing life at a somewhat frenzied pace. I am going to try my hardest to keep our lives simple and streamlined and filled with things and people that refresh and renew us, but I'm also keeping my expectations realistic {or at least I'm trying to}.

I'll miss our huge yard. And the freedom I feel in just sending my kids outside to play, knowing they can't actually get outside our gate. Oh I'm sure I'll send my kids outside to play as I'm all for kids getting outside and I don't buy into the myth that North American streets are unsafe, scary, traumatizing places. But really? We'll never have a yard like the one we have here. It's awesome.

We'll miss chapatis {local flatbread, similar to a tortilla}, and samosas and pork from street vendors. We'll miss cold rainy mornings,  hot middays and breezy evenings overlooking the city.

We'll miss knowing the owners at a couple different restaurants here and the perks that come with that.

So many more things we'll miss. The process of leaving is only beginning.

TWO

As of today we have two months left in Uganda.

My thoughts exactly.