missionaries aren't perfect

Most days it's weird to think of myself as a missionary.

You see, I grew up in a church that had many missionaries coming and going. My piano teacher ended up moving with her family {4 little kids at the time!} to Malawi. But for some reason I had this idea that missionaries are...better than the rest of us. Somehow different than "normal" people. Here's the deal, though. They aren't. I mean, we aren't. We're normal. We mess up. We swear {well, some of us do.}. We lose our cool and skip quiet times and have days {months?} when we don't feel close to Jesus.

Today I was having one of those days.

We're going to Spain {for the same conference as we went to last year} on Friday morning {like 3am. Yikes.}. Well, technically we have plane tickets to Spain. Whether we're going or not is still not certain. You see, we don't actually have our passports. They're currently at the immigration offices here in Kampala. Where they've been since August. I kid you not.
And after paying over $500 in "fees" {due to their inefficiency in processing Jamie's work permit} I expected to have our passports like 4 months ago and the only worry in my mind would be whether I had packed enough diapers. A bit of a fool's hope.
We were told we'd have our passports by today. Jamie went to the immigration offices today and after talking to multiple people was told to come back tomorrow. Oh and apparently our lawyer was "surprised" to find out that we are leaving on Friday. Even though Jamie told him several times.
When Jamie came back without our passports I had very unsavory thoughts go through my mind toward Uganda and the system and the people.
Sigh.

What am I even doing here?

Anyway, it's frustrating. But it is what it is. And the thing is, Jesus is not surprised by any of this. So we continue to trust in His goodness. Regardless of whether we miss our flight or not.
But I really, really, really want to go to Spain. So that's what I'm praying for. Because with the ants and cockroaches and rats and mice and the heat and the inefficiency of things here {oh and possible bed bugs}...I need a break. Because I'm normal too. I'm nothing special. But He is.

power's out friday links

so here we are. tomorrow i'm 41 weeks. pregnant. still.

the days go by and there are no new signs that i am any closer to having this baby. my belly gets bigger. my stretch marks get more noticeable. my sleep deteriorates. i walked up and down our ginormous hill in our compound 10 times this morning in some sort of ridiculous effort to both get out of the house and do a bit of walking which everyone here asks if i am doing.
we get at least one phone call every day asking if i've had the baby from local staff here. apparently they are all getting anxious. sigh. i'm not sure if women here have "due dates" or what, but perhaps they shouldn't have been told mine. i wouldn't doubt now if this baby comes later than jude did {41 weeks exactly}. apparently my body likes to hold onto babies longer each time. what's up with that?
i'm ranting.
i don't care.

the boys are happily playing with jude's duplo set that i just gave back to them. {i had taken it away after jude refused to clean it up the last time. this happens somewhat frequently around here. especially with lego/duplo.}
i feel a bit queasy after polishing off the last bit of eggless cookie dough i made earlier this week. stinkin' pregnancy cravings.

my budding photographer, noah took this the other day. i was impressed.

alright already. friday links! here they are!

i thought this was a cool link. make your food taste awesome. go ahead, do it!

if you like languages, you might find this interesting. just a list that shows how the english language falls short - specifically in communicating emotions.

straight up - this is for parents or anyone who interacts with kids on a regular basis. good tools to have when talking to and with children and expecting them to listen to you!

such a cute DIY and i think one that would be especially delightful in these coming cool, fall evenings {for everyone in my home and native land - and those that neighbour it. :)}

ever feel like listening to every song u2 has ever sung? or maybe jay-z is more your style. no? well, anyway whatever your preference is, you should check this site out.

i need to re-read this. on keeping your soul refreshed as a mother.

and so, it's now friday evening. the kids are ambushing nick, we've just finished a delicious pepperoni pizza and i had a delightful half glass of chardonnay {shhhh!}.
enjoy your weekend!

yes. this.

tonight on twitter someone posted a link to a blog and i decided to check it out.

i am so glad i did.

i read it and at the end of it, i was all - YES.THIS.

it's something that's been on my heart and mind for quite some time now.
and i've blogged about it before. but it's fresh again in my mind.

i'm not sure if it's just that when i first became a mom my life was somehow consumed with all things related to motherhood and if anyone was doing it differently than me that they must be somehow mistaken or that somehow my experiences held the answer to everyone else's sleep/eating/breastfeeding/birthing dilemmas.

and then i'm not sure when it happened, but i stopped caring about everyone else. not in the bad sense that i have no concern or compassion for others, but more along the lines of i stopped caring what people thought of my parenting and i stopped judging others in their parenting styles.

we do what we do because it's best for us and also because it works for us.
i no longer draw the lines so firmly and darkly in how we "parent". i'm not a strict "babywise" or "baby whisperer" or "attachment" mom.  i do this and that and i don't beat myself up for what i do or how i do it. but make no mistake, i am a mom.

and for goodness sakes, i'm a good mom!

so you may cloth diaper or co-sleep or supplement with formula or do extended breast feeding or make your own baby food or do baby-led weaning or do CIO or wear your babies but honestly...
if your child is fed, nurtured, and loved then what business is it of yours (or mine?) to judge anyone for doing it a little differently than you do?

we need support. and we need advice and we need encouragement and we need someone to tell us to "hang in there, because it'll get better" and so we need other women in our lives who can come alongside and help us as we journey on this crazy road called "motherhood".

i love hearing about the differences. and i love sharing my experiences so far. but i'm going to let go of the guilt and judgement and just be.

Priorities

Lately my mind and my hands have been busy.

I've been trying to get reorganized {okay, to just GET organized at all!} and for some reason I have a desire to make this house our home {just in time to leave in a year!}.

So I've been looking into a few fun DIY projects and I've been on top of things like laundry and meal plans {okay for like...the past few days...but it's a start!} and I'm only opening my laptop when the boys are napping/sleeping/in "room time", ie. when they aren't around.

I'm focusing on the important things.

And right now cloth diapering is NOT one of those things for me/us.

Despite what all the cloth diapering junkies say, it DOES take more time. Time that I'd rather spend washing the sheets and towels {which I don't wash NEARLY enough as it is!} or cleaning our floors {same deal here, too! In fact, just insert "cleaning the house" and you've got an accurate picture.} or reading my Bible or looking up new recipes of healthy food that my family will like or playing outside or reading books with my sweet ones.

With both boys still in diapers, it's just too much for me right now.

So yes. I'm an environment killer {if you want to get all extreme on me}, but I'm a family lover. And right now the two ARE mutually exclusive.

Props to all the Mommies who can do it all, but right now...it's just not in the cards for me.

I'm not selling them {yet} as I can see myself picking it up again down the road, but right now, they are nicely boxed up and put away in the boys' closet.

In the meantime, we'll love on the environment in other ways. And focus on each other.

some food for thought...

We're going to do it.

The big move.

The major transition.

Alright, so we're just moving Noah from a crib to a bed, but it kinda, sorta feels as though it's a really big deal. And it probably will be. To him. (And me...)

So I started thinking through the transition like I do all things - I googled it.

Specifically "transitioning from a crib to a bed". Every single site I clicked on and article I read cited one of the signs your child is ready is that they are climbing out of the crib.

*small rant coming. You are warned.

Why is this a sign of being ready for a bed? For MORE freedom? So basically we reward the inability to respect boundaries with MORE freedom? Perhaps at first glance this seems like the perfect sign that your child is ready for a bed. He/she is getting older, more co-ordinated, able to climb and get out and about. But upon closer inspection, perhaps it's not the wisest thing to do.

It wasn't until I was talking with my friend who is a few years ahead of me in the child-rearing business (which by the way, every Mom should have a friend who is a couple years ahead of them to give them tips, warnings, and just to see what's coming up!) and this subject came up that I started thinking this whole thing through. It struck me after our conversation that if it's the fear of your child getting hurt by falling out of the crib that is motivating you, why aren't we treating it like a hot stove or a busy street?
This is something that is dangerous and you need to obey me when I say STAY.

And then either discipline or natural consequences occur when the parent is NOT obeyed.

On the other hand, I think it's a sure thing that children (all children) get to an age (some earlier, some later....some MUCH later) where they test. They test boundaries. They test rules. They test EVERYTHING. It's how they learn. And our job as parents is to be consistent and to show them and tell them where the boundaries are. What the rules are.

Of course it's not our only job (we need to laugh and smile and love and create and enjoy and give and plant gardens and explore nature and run and make up games and talk in silly voices, too) but it IS a part of what it means to be a parent.

So my main beef is that just because your child can climb out of a crib does NOT mean they are ready for a bed. They definitely could be ready, but perhaps if they learned to stay in the crib, they might just stay in their bed at 3am when they just feel like getting up and coming to see you. I don't know. I'm not there yet. Maybe I've got it all wrong and this transition to a bed is going to go horribly wrong.

And I also don't mean to come off as this strict "YOU WILL NEVER GET OUT OF YOUR BED BY YOURSELF EVER. UNTIL YOU ARE 16 YEARS OLD." kind of parent. I've learned to "never say never" as a parent. I've learned that there are always exceptions to the rule. And not to worry if you have to bend or change a rule on occasion.
But ground rules are good. And important.

So if you moved your kid from a crib to a bed because they were climbing out, well, I hope it worked out! I'm sure it did. I mean, you don't see 16 year olds bugging their Mom at 2am because they want to play with their Legos or at 5:30am because they're ready to eat Lucky Charms (in fact, you'd be hard pressed to find ANY 16 year old who wants to get up and start their day at 5:30am!).

I guess I'm just stirring the pot a bit, questioning why every single website says the same thing when it just strikes me as not quite the best reasoning and generally wondering aloud in this big 'ole blogosphere. No judgement...merely bringing something to light and hopefully someone else will "get me".

Wish us luck! We're going to build the bed tomorrow and maybe a nap will happen - I don't really have a game plan, I'm just going to play it by ear and see how it goes. Pictures will be taken, perhaps some video and an update will most definitely be in the works.

You know me...I always need a challenge.

Helicopter Parenting

Wow. I just watched a documentary on CBC.ca talking about Hyper Parents - or the infamous "Helicopter Parents".

One quote (among many) struck me as so harsh, but so true!

"Children have become almost like projects. Parenting has become a cross between a competitive sport and product development."

I can see how hyper parenting is born of the natural instinct to protect and provide for your kids - but this is just NUTS. I'm more of the mind to let kids be kids. Education can't make you happy. Being "gifted" doesn't mean you are a kind and compassionate person. Looking out for others and giving to those in need does not come from taking a bazillion extracurricular activities. Some things are not bought and can't be found in a private school.

Now I'm definitely not bashing private school educations or giving your kids opportunities to excel, but there's a point at which you start heaping up expectations for success UPON your child, rather than holding out opportunities for your kids to grab hold of and own for themselves.

I was starting to doubt myself for letting Noah play in our backyard by himself. It's fully fenced and he can't reach the lock on the gate. Yet I was letting myself feel like a neglectful parent after talking to several other parents and feeling their surprise when I told them what I did.

He's 2.5 years old. Is that really too young to play by yourself outside? It's not like I'm letting him run up and down our street unattended. And I am always keeping an ear out for him and looking outside every now and then. It's not like I'm taking a nap inside or anything. It's also not usually longer than 30 minutes or so.

I'm not sure.

This has also caused me to start thinking about my choices in schools for Noah (I know. He's ONLY 2.5 years!). If he goes to J/K (which he likely will) in September 2011 Jamie and I were trying to decide if he'd go to the school in our area which we can walk to in about 15ish minutes or whether I'd drive him about 10-15 minutes to the French Immersion school.

I really liked the idea of going to the school that's within walking distance. I think it's a really good thing to walk to school. I grew up within walking distance of my school and I think it would foster good community for Noah as his friends would live close by as well as for me and the other mothers (plus I just heard from a Mom who sends her kids there that it's a fantastic school although with another school being built it will likely go through some staffing changes).
As for French Immersion, well there's no doubt that learning another language is a good thing and I have heard nothing but rave reviews for this school, the teachers as well as knowing that parents who enroll their kids in French immersion are likely to proactively be concerned about their kids' education.

Am I crazy?

I feel like after that last paragraph I'm bordering on crazy.

Sigh.

Anyway, all that to say is that after watching that documentary I'm leaning considerably to putting my kids in the local school within walking distance.

It definitely requires prayer but also a confidence that whichever school I put Noah and Jude in is the not the be-all end-all to their future happiness and quality of life.

What about you? Are you a hyper parent? PLEASE watch this documentary and seriously think about how you are teaching your child to be an independent, contributing person of society.

The Switch

I've made the switch to Mozilla Firefox.
I put it off for so long because I didn't want to have to manually switch all my precious bookmarks. But I did it. It was tedious and long, but I think in the end it will be worth it. I'm already noticing my pages loading faster and there seems to be some cool perks and features so I think I'm glad I did.
By the way, I switched from Rogers Yahoo browser. While I liked it since my email is with rogers, it was time to put that dog down.
Yay for organizing my bookmarks, though.
That's all.

the "re-confront"

What do you do when you are angry with someone and then someone else confronts them but doesn't address that what they did was wrong?
Do you re-confront them? Do you just (try to) let it go since the person who confronted DID bring it up, even though they didn't really address it the way you would have wanted?
To re-confront or not to re-confront? That is the question.
BAH.

Mobile!

I am mobile again!
My cell phone went on the fritz just before Christmas.
It started by erasing my entire phone book.
Then all my pictures, videos and paid for, downloaded ring tunes were erased.
Then came the forboding flashing white screen.
Then nothing.
After repeated battery and SIM card removal I gave up and decided I would attempt to get my phone replaced.
But after a few phone calls and one visit to Rogers and being offered diddly squat (why I oughta...) I am borrowing an old cell phone of Shelly's (thanks Shells!) and I'm going to send this good-for-nothing cell phone back to Samsung and hopefully get it back in working condition.
Bitter much?