Thoughts on the end of summer

I've kinda been avoiding "back to school" stuff. It's sad that summer break is almost over. I have had my days and moments with these three wild things, but this summer has been so good and I really just want it to last forever.

In a sense, it's been (minus the lovely heat) similar to our time in Uganda. Our family. All day, every day together. And I loved that. And this past year with the boys in school has been good, but I've missed that togetherness. So this summer has been lovely. 

And I will miss it. 

enough

There are moments where I ask myself,
Did the last two years even happen?
Because everything seems the same. I seem the same. They seem the same. This city and all the familiar places seem ... the same.

And then there are moments that are almost like a slap in the face with clarity and realization that scream in my face, YES. The last two years really did happen and I wasn't here. I was in Uganda. I have changed. So has everyone else. In one way or another.

Isn't it funny that what I missed most while I was in Uganda, is the same thing I miss now that I'm back in Canada?
Being known. Belonging. 

It's like re-learning the lesson of where I truly belong and can call home all over again.
This isn't my home. I'm not meant to feel truly settled on this earth.

I'm struggling to find my routine. To figure out where and how I fit. To figure out what I'm supposed to be doing here. In Guelph. In this life.
The simple answer is giving glory to God in all that I am.

But what does that mean for me, a Mother of three boys, two of which have just started school for the first time? What does that mean for me, a wife, married to my best friend, but trying to find time for our marriage in the middle of chaos and a fast-paced life? What does that look like? What does it mean for me?

And the things that Jesus is teaching me are things He's already taught me before. And the way He continues to reveal the ugliness of my soul can sometimes feel devastating and frustrating.

But there is grace. And sweet gentleness. And unconditional love. And mercy.

Last week I read through the book of Ephesians {hands down, my favourite book in the Bible} and once again was just struck with the depth of my need for a Saviour and how despite my rebellious, ugly nature, Christ died for me. He loved me. Before I ever did a thing to love him or move toward him with any good intentions or repentance.
Before I was repentant
He came for me.

So I don't really know a lot these days. But I do know that I am loved. That He chose me. And I think that if I really internalize and ruminate upon that truth, all my actions will flow from His love for me. 

And that will be enough. 

i'm just here

We've been back in Canada for almost three weeks now. 

It's actually really surreal to be back. In some ways I almost feel like, Did the last two years even happen? because some things are just exactly like how they used to be whether it's relationships or places or people. But in other ways I feel such a disconnect that reminds me {quite loudly} that I've spent the last two years of my life living and loving in Africa. 

It's been busy and full and tiring and fun and lots of time at parks and splash pads and full of trips to the mall and shops that are full of lovely, pretty things that remind me how easy it is for me to fall into

I want, I need, I must have. 

We've been living with friends and it's been good but I am longing for our own home. Somewhere to settle. Somewhere to love and make memories and turn into a building that welcomes others in to join in on our loud, messy, love-filled life. 

And on that note, we did find and buy our very first home! {More to come on our house, what we thought it might be, what we ended up getting and my hopes for the different spaces in it.} We get possession mid-August and I am all over Pinterest and Apartment Therapy and tons of other design blogs getting ideas and plans to turn into a place that encourages creativity and soul-refreshment and joy-filled living.

I haven't journalled and I obviously haven't been blogging so there's a lot inside my head. I just need time and space for it all to come out. There's a lot to process and I'm not going to lie; most evenings I just want to watch a tv show and go to bed. It's exhausting. But we'll figure out how to make the last two years mesh into the life we find ourselves in to make our new normal. Thanks for still following along here despite the quietness.

**all pictures except for the first two were taken by my very talented sister