enough

There are moments where I ask myself,
Did the last two years even happen?
Because everything seems the same. I seem the same. They seem the same. This city and all the familiar places seem ... the same.

And then there are moments that are almost like a slap in the face with clarity and realization that scream in my face, YES. The last two years really did happen and I wasn't here. I was in Uganda. I have changed. So has everyone else. In one way or another.

Isn't it funny that what I missed most while I was in Uganda, is the same thing I miss now that I'm back in Canada?
Being known. Belonging. 

It's like re-learning the lesson of where I truly belong and can call home all over again.
This isn't my home. I'm not meant to feel truly settled on this earth.

I'm struggling to find my routine. To figure out where and how I fit. To figure out what I'm supposed to be doing here. In Guelph. In this life.
The simple answer is giving glory to God in all that I am.

But what does that mean for me, a Mother of three boys, two of which have just started school for the first time? What does that mean for me, a wife, married to my best friend, but trying to find time for our marriage in the middle of chaos and a fast-paced life? What does that look like? What does it mean for me?

And the things that Jesus is teaching me are things He's already taught me before. And the way He continues to reveal the ugliness of my soul can sometimes feel devastating and frustrating.

But there is grace. And sweet gentleness. And unconditional love. And mercy.

Last week I read through the book of Ephesians {hands down, my favourite book in the Bible} and once again was just struck with the depth of my need for a Saviour and how despite my rebellious, ugly nature, Christ died for me. He loved me. Before I ever did a thing to love him or move toward him with any good intentions or repentance.
Before I was repentant
He came for me.

So I don't really know a lot these days. But I do know that I am loved. That He chose me. And I think that if I really internalize and ruminate upon that truth, all my actions will flow from His love for me. 

And that will be enough. 

home

Two months to the day that we arrived back in Canada we were sleeping in our very own home. At long last.
We moved in last week and it's been crazy and busy and awesome and tiring.

We are officially home owners! Our house is great. It's dated and there's a lot to do to make this space feel happy but it's ours and we're here. And that is enough to keep me sane. Most days.

We just got internet today, Jamie's back to work and the boys start school next week. So yeah. Crazy times ahead. If I do recall, I did tell myself that once we moved back to Canada it would be go-go-go right into the foreseeable future. I'm so smart.

Oh! And we have a pool! Well, our town house complex has one. All the benefits with none of the work. That's my kind of pool!

If anyone still reads my blog, thanks for sticking it out during the echoing silence here.
More to come. Oh! And I'm on Instagram now so you can follow me there if you want to see the ins and outs of life here at Casa Crazy Strickland.

i'm just here

We've been back in Canada for almost three weeks now. 

It's actually really surreal to be back. In some ways I almost feel like, Did the last two years even happen? because some things are just exactly like how they used to be whether it's relationships or places or people. But in other ways I feel such a disconnect that reminds me {quite loudly} that I've spent the last two years of my life living and loving in Africa. 

It's been busy and full and tiring and fun and lots of time at parks and splash pads and full of trips to the mall and shops that are full of lovely, pretty things that remind me how easy it is for me to fall into

I want, I need, I must have. 

We've been living with friends and it's been good but I am longing for our own home. Somewhere to settle. Somewhere to love and make memories and turn into a building that welcomes others in to join in on our loud, messy, love-filled life. 

And on that note, we did find and buy our very first home! {More to come on our house, what we thought it might be, what we ended up getting and my hopes for the different spaces in it.} We get possession mid-August and I am all over Pinterest and Apartment Therapy and tons of other design blogs getting ideas and plans to turn into a place that encourages creativity and soul-refreshment and joy-filled living.

I haven't journalled and I obviously haven't been blogging so there's a lot inside my head. I just need time and space for it all to come out. There's a lot to process and I'm not going to lie; most evenings I just want to watch a tv show and go to bed. It's exhausting. But we'll figure out how to make the last two years mesh into the life we find ourselves in to make our new normal. Thanks for still following along here despite the quietness.

**all pictures except for the first two were taken by my very talented sister

July THREE

We're back! Life is crazy but good.

I took this one of the boys in the grocery store yesterday. A bonus shot with Jamie in it.

And today Erin {my sister-in-law} took this one of the boys in the food court at the mall. Classic.

Sorry it's been so quiet around here. It's good to be back in Canada, but I'm struggling to "keep up" so am just trying to focus on the most important things {which would be people} these days.
I'll find my groove, I promise.

I take pictures of my boys on the third of each month. See past months here.

one week left ramblings

In exactly one week, I will be checked in at the airport and getting ready to board our flight outta here.

Yeah.

In my mind, it still seems like a lifetime away before we leave. Like it's not really going to happen.

I realized I am a "pre-processor" which to me means that I do a lot of my processing ahead of time. Which would explain why I don't like long, lengthy good-byes. Just say your good-byes, maybe give a good hug and get out of there asap. I've already grieved and accepted that it's a sad thing to leave. And I've probably moved on to being excited about what's to come. So please don't think I'm cold-hearted if I don't shed a tear. It's possible I've shed tears about this exact moment; just a few weeks ago.

Yesterday we sent back two bins {remember these bad boys?} and a bag with the staff team that left to go back to Canada. I am quite proud that I was able to pack up two of those things and it'll be nice not to have to lug them with us {as we'll likely have five others to lug. plus kids. that'd be a lot of luggin'.}.

It's hard to pack with a crawling, mischievous baby. Who doesn't sleep at night. {Still.}

I keep seeing lovely Ugandan things I want to buy and bring back with me. {I love craft markets!}

I can't wait to see and hug all my friends and family.

I am nervous about peoples' expectations of me/our family and the fight against a packed schedule to see and do ALL THE THINGS. {Sometimes I am a "worst-case scenario" kind of person.}

We went swimming yesterday and I need a new bathing suit. So does Blaise. He's not quite as chunky as Noah was at this age as the 12-18 month suit doesn't quite stay up on him. But he definitely loved swimming! So there's that.

Last week I took down all the pictures from the walls. They look so barren now.

Today I will pack some more. And try to remember this:

TWO

As of today we have two months left in Uganda.

My thoughts exactly.

home is wherever I'm with you

I remember when I first got married and my parents' house still felt like "home". I had two homes. The apartment I lived in with Jamie in Kitchener and the semi-detached house in Toronto that my parents and brothers still lived in. 

The longer we were married, the more the house that Jamie and I lived in seemed like home.

And then when we started having kids it was solidified. We moved a bunch of times, but home, our home was wherever we all lived together whether it was on Brant Avenue or Gaw Crescent in Guelph or Plot 334 Kampala, Uganda. 

With our move back to Canada closing in on us, I oscillate between calling it "Canada" and "home" when I talk to the boys. I think for Jude, Uganda is home. For Noah, home is in Canada. But for both of them, we will be changing it all up. The house we left is not the house we'll be moving back to.

This house in Kampala has become my home, but growing up in Canada for 29 out of 31 years, for me we are going home.

he may be born in uganda, but he's...

...

how is time flying by so quickly?

3 things about being a canadian in uganda

1. canadians are known for frequently apologizing. living in uganda has doubled {at least} the amount i say "sorry". now all i can think of is george costanza saying, "you can stuff your sorries in a sack, mister!". *

2. i love our four seasons in canada. {or two. if you call them "winter and construction.} seriously! i do! but living in the land of eternal summer has it's perks. like if it's rains on a weekend, it doesn't matter. it's not like it's taking away one precious day of vacation. it's just another day. and chances are, it'll clear up in about 20 minutes and be shining away like the most perfect beach day ever.

3. meeting other great canadians {and americans!} here has been such a blessing to me and my family. when you're living in a foreign country and you meet others who understand what you're coming from and what your current reality is, it's truly a wonderful thing. 

yesterday we celebrated canada day with my lovely friend aletha and her family as well as my amazing friend beth who traveled to uganda simply to hang out with us {!} and a new friend {whom beth met on the plane} from poland, marta. we ate, we laughed, we did sparklers. it was fabulous.

happy canada day to those in canada and around the world who celebrated and an early happy fourth of july to all the amazing americans i know!

linking up with the lovely Elaine for Miss Elaine-ous Mondays!


* the reason that i say sorry more here is that ugandans often say "sorry" to show empathy, not necessarily when they've done something wrong. for instance, if noah bumps his head and comes crying to me i'll almost always say, "sorry." i don't even know how to stop saying it. "sorry rehab", maybe?