Sunday, September 2, 2012

threats and "the game"

threats. they seem to be quite popular in our family these days. and i'm not just talking about coming from the parental units. noah tends to threaten us to "get his way" {which he definitely doesn't when he uses threats, letmetellYOU!}.

if you don't let me have the iPad, i'm going to be really angry and throw this chair.

now we've started cutting him off if he even begins a sentence with a scowl and the words, "if you don't..." by saying, "i'm sorry, noah, but that's not how we talk to each other in this family."
he doesn't like it, and it often makes him angrier {usually}, but it's completely unacceptable to us. so no. we don't threaten.
jude has picked up on the "threat language" and uses it from time to time but our reaction is the same as well.

but jude's game with us is the yes/no game. it often happens around bedtime.
it usually goes a little something like this;

good night, jude. *lean in for a goodnight kiss*


okay, that's fine.  and we walk away.

seconds later,


so we lean in to give him a kiss and get,


so we walk away. and he demands a kiss and and hug again.

once we realized what he was doing, we decided to take him at his first word. i walk away and say good night the first time he rejects it, despite the fact that he wails and screams. and the first few times he obviously lasted longer although he does less so now. oftentimes i'll just move in for a kiss and give him lots of kisses all over his squirmy self as he giggles, but it doesn't mean that he is satisfied. he'll often still demand that he gets to give me a kiss but then falls back into "the game". at least when i walk away, i've still given him kisses. he'll just have to learn to mean what he says. he'll get it. eventually.

the same thing goes for mealtimes. he'll say he's done and get down from the table so i take away his plate and he freaks out at me saying that he wasn't done and he still wants to eat.
he knows now that if he gets down from the table, he's done. plate goes away. that's it.
he still freaks out, but at least we all know where we stand on these issues.

it's still incredibly frustrating and i despise the tantrums that follow, but after reading through this blog, i remembered that we had a rough time with noah when he turned three as well. the three's are rough around here. we just have to suck it up, stick to our word and move forward.

we have our daily {hourly} struggles around here. parenting is by no means easy with these two fantastically smart and spunky boys. just the other day i {temporarily} took away their screen time tickets for the rest of the day due to poor attitudes and meltdowns right after each of them using a ticket. i find i am far more grace-filled but i also find i am praying a lot more for patience and lowered blood pressure because these boys certainly know how to make my blood boil!


  1. This is a weird memory, but I totally used to tell people I didn't believe in terrible twos, it should be the terrible threes. I remember when my bro's hit the 3 mark and I felt like they hit a whole new level of devious. It also didn't help that they were able to work together better against their big sis with just 13 months in between them ;)

    1. Haha, I bet Jenn!
      Parenting is definitely a different kind of "hard" as they get older. But it's good that there's new challenges. It reminds me to be thankful for the new blessings at every age, too. :)

  2. thanks for posting this! so helpful and encouraging to see another family dealing with similar things as we are with Lily, and to see how you are handling it. We are doing the same with meals (we don't have the problem at bed, yet) and I often feel so guilty... I know she isn't *done* but she says it so I "take her at her word". When she asks me for food after, it's hard to say no, Lily, you already had dinner and you said you were done", but that's our game plan for now.

    1. Is there any family that can escape the dreaded mealtime battles? I mean, it makes sense. It's one of the few things they feel they can control. But still...gone are the days of quiet dinners.
      Good for you guys for sticking with it!

  3. For us it's the fours! Seth is something else since June! Tonight he threatened to cut me with scissors to death. Yeah, unacceptable. He won't threaten to kill anytime soon. Ok, he probably will :) love you. glad we're in the heat of battle together. sorry we couldn't come over today :( but glad we didn't bring our germs to you!

    1. So funny. I love that Sethman.
      Boys can be so violent in their language and I think the challenge is to help them work through their emotions and give them a proper outlet for their testosterone without so much violence directed at others.
      When I figure that one out, I'll let ya know. Haha.

  4. I'm not a mom but I sure am glad for all you mom's who share the real life struggles and your strategies for dealing with the day in and day out battles. So here's a thank you to all the mom's from all the "some day" moms :)

  5. woah. super eye opening. i'll have to remember these blogs for reference in a couple of years time. thanks to everyone for being so authentic and willing to be vulnerable! poor noah and jude. growing up is tough.

  6. This is exactly my house right now too, with Brayden. Gotta be the challenging three's! We too are doing the -take-your-first-word-for-it approach and deal with a lot of screaming tantrums following. But I am hoping in time he will be able to anticipated the "consequence" prior to speaking. I know it may be a long haul, but seeing my 5 year old now (who went through this exact thing), I know it'll happen. You're doing a great job. :D


I love hearing from you!
If you're commenting as "Anonymous" please make sure to sign your name under your comment so I know who you are!
Happy day to you!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...