a recounting of our weekend seasoned with sarcasm

I am breathing a huge sigh of relief. We made it through the long weekend. It was long. And full. And crazy. And fun. But I'm kinda glad it's done.

It was my sister-in-law's wedding on Saturday {rehearsal on Friday night} and our whole family was in the wedding party and Thanksgiving on Sunday and then we installed new floors on Monday. Ridonc.

I don't have any tips on doing stuff like this.
Jude drew on Blaise's face with blue marker on Friday. It eventually came off, but it wasn't a washable marker so I had a moment of panic. Then he {Jude} got stung by a bee on his pinky finger. Friday was pretty awesome.
We didn't do the rehearsal dinner on Friday night and opted to leave right after to get home and sleep in our own beds before the big wedding day. Jude threw up seconds after arriving home. Yeah, that happened.
Noah fell down the church steps moments before the processional and then refused to walk down the aisle.
I made little fun bags for the boys to open during the ceremony and promptly forgot them in the car. So that was useful.
Jamie and I had many moments where we just looked at each other with wild, harried looks in our eyes wondering what on earth we had gotten ourselves into.
But the wedding was beautiful, the weather was absolutely perfect and we definitely had fun and enjoyed ourselves. It was hilarious and adorable to watch our boys tear up the dance floor. They loved pulling out the dance moves, sneaking candy from the candy table and taking hilarious pictures in the photo booth.

Sunday was fun and family and food. Ain't nothin' wrong with that.

Sunday night my brother Curtis slept over so that on Monday he could help us install our new floors in our living/dining room. He's a freakin' superstar. And our floors look so good. They almost make me giddy.

This morning I realized Noah had no pants to wear that were clean and threw in the jeans I had forgotten to dry into the dryer this morning in hopes that they would dry before school. {They did. Whew.} Jamie walked Noah up to the bus stop and came back and said, "So today was picture day." Hashtag face palm.
I just hope he didn't have yogurt smeared all over his face.

school-aged

How cute is he?

So. After my emotionally thick post on the first day of school, I thought I'd follow it up with how our first week went.

So I picked Noah up from school the first day. No tears (from him - I did get a bit misty, though) and got a big smile. He did declare, though, that he wouldn't be going back to school the next day. Not emotionally. Just calmly and matter of factly. We talked about his day and I would bring up highlights as he mentioned them.

Oh! You got to finger paint? That's so fun!

Wow! You got Goldfish crackers from your teacher? Did they taste the same or different from the ones Mommy gave you?

A nature hunt? That must have been a lot of fun! What kinds of things did you find?

And each day since, he's calmly declared that he will definitely not be going to school tomorrow. And each day we talk about what he's done during the day. The fun parts and the hard parts.
I think he's doing well, though. He says he's made some friends but doesn't remember any of their names. Classic.
He's got to play with his friend from our town house complex twice who is in grade two so that seems to be a highlight for him.

It still makes my heart ache a bit when I drop him off and watch him trying to politely get through the door with the swarming mass of kids around him. It's a lot all at once. And he's doing really well.

Funny exerpts from him:

Mom, every morning in the hallway I hear a kid crying.

I looked for my hat but I couldn't find it.  (It was exactly where he had left it with me. On the shelf above his backpack.)

We have to sit "criss-cross applesauce". 

Mom? Why can't we have gum at school?

We went to the library, but not really in it. The lady who stays in there said it would be a long time for us to take books out.

I like recess. Wait, no. I don't like it. Well, yes and no. I like the long recess, but not the short recess.

And in other news, he's been holding the door for me all the time. I think his school is big on instilling respect and consideration of others. I love it! (And Jude and him even fought to hold the door open for each other. "No after you!" "No after YOU!" Hilarious.)

those words

Three kids is totally pwning {I'm stuck in 2010 apparently} Jamie and I. Seriously. I don't feel depressed or unhappy, but I am tired. Kinda like I'm treading water. Trying to keep my head above water. The difference is, I'm treading water with my best friend.
I don't think I can say/type it enough; I am beyond thankful to have had Jamie on parental leave for December and January. BEYOND thankful.

Now I'm not much of a swearer. I've never really been one to use a curse word - except for that rebellious phase I went through in grade 3 when I felt the need to use every swear word I knew at recesses. But I digress...
Since Blaise has been born, a dark side of me has been revealed. I swear. I'm like Joe Pesci's character from Home Alone when he's muttering "frickin' frackin'" after getting knocked upside the head. Except I'm not saying "frickin' frackin'". I'm saying the real thing. Usually at night. Usually when Blaise won't sleep. Liiiiiike last night. Froooooooom 12:30-4:30am. Awesome, right? WRONG. It was not awesome. It sucked.
But I held my proverbial shit together and actually managed to lightly doze amid the fussing/complaining/crying/hollering done by my youngest instead of getting angry or frustrated. Jamie got up and surfed the internet for a bit. Eventually I fed him {again - do not be fooled. The child was not hungry. Just...anti-sleep.} and he finally settled.
I don't swear around my kids {not the ones who understand, that is. *cough*} and sometimes...it just adequately communicates how I'm feeling. And then I'm over it. And sometimes I laugh at myself. It relieves a bit of tension.
I have a bunch of friends who swear. And ones I know would never swear {and might be aghast to hear that I do...?}
I've been thinking about words and swear words and what will happen when our kids go to school next year in Canada and how they'll be exposed to many ideas and thoughts and ... words. And I remembered reading a blog post about how these parents sat down with their school-aged child and wrote out every swear word they could think of and then explained {generally} them to their child. So that they could hear it from their parents. So that the whole stigma of those words would be lessened. Perhaps so that their child could see that there's nothing magical about them, but that we have a responsibility with the words that come out of our mouths. I've thought about what we'll do when the time comes for Noah and Jude to go to school. Right now we have rules like "We don't say stupid or shut up in our family." And I've explained to them that not every family has those rules, so some kids might say them because they don't have that rule in their family. But that if they are being said in a hurtful way, they can tell that person that those words aren't nice and they shouldn't use them that way {instead of saying, "We don't say stupid in our family." since that child isn't in our family.} And we've talked about how we have the power to use our words to be kind and loving or to hurt people and make them feel bad and that once our words come out of our mouths, we can't take them back.

But I'm not perfect. And I mess up. And I've learned/learning to apologize quickly to my kids. It's been hard, though because that wasn't ever really modeled to me as a child. But I want to model humility to my kids. That if I can and need to ask for forgiveness, then maybe they can and need to as well.

So. Swearing. I don't want it to creep into my every day vernacular. But I do swear. Sometimes. And not in front of my kids {that they can hear}.

So I have to ask, do you swear? Does your family have rules about which words you can and can't use? What are those rules based on? Are you offended that I confessed my recent development in swearing? Do you make up alternate swear words? {If so, read this. HILARIOUS.}

things i'm loving lately

we're slowly getting into some semblance of a routine. blaise only woke up once last night to eat at 3:45am and then slept 'til 7:30am. glorious. absolutely glorious. he's getting better at going down for his naps, but we're still working on it.
i've been baking lots more and crocheting and am currently on the hunt {which likely means i'll just ask my mom to send me some} yarn that's in the colours of angry birds which i can hopefully crochet for christmas for the boys.
we've sorta scrapped the "screen time tickets" for now, but we do only let the boys have 30 minutes on the iPad at a time. {noah would literally play all.day.long.}

anyway, i thought i'd share with you a few lovely things that i'm loving these days.

chocolate. all things chocolate. i hit this phase every time i have kids. i mean, i love chocolate in general, but this is intense. it comes on strong at the 2 month mark post-partum. i could just eat bar after bar after bar of chocolate {and i have. but not every day.}. it's ridiculous and i'm trying to curb it. but right now i'm currently loving snickers and twix. chocolate and caramel-y goodness. *drool*

lullabies. even if you don't have babies or young kids {or kids at all} get this album. re-done hymns speaking God's truth and peace to your heart. so lovely. {i absolutely love Page CXVI and would recommend all of their albums for anyone who loves hymns.}

i finally got into angry birds. it took angry birds star wars to do it for me. i think it's cute. and i secretly try and beat all of noah's high scores when i play but man! the kid is shockingly good! an addicting game made even better by using one of the best movie series of all time.

i downloaded this book to my kindle a couple weeks ago when someone posted on facebook that it was free. i thought, why not? a free book on parenting couldn't hurt and if i don't like it, i'll just delete it.
i have thoroughly enjoyed this book so far {not quite finished}. as i've entered this new phase of parenting three little boys, jamie and i have been reflecting on parenting and what life was like before kids and how things have changed since. benjamin kearns is funny and speaks frankly while also communicating some powerful truths about parenting and God's desire to refine and shape us as parents. it's not free anymore, but it is only $2.99. well worth it, i'd say.

i'm still loving the homemade graham crackers i posted about last week {just took a batch out of the oven minutes ago. the house smells lovely!}. i'm itching to pull out our christmas decorations out and get started, but that will have to wait until this weekend.
and speaking of christmas, i'm hoping to post a few entries on some of our favourite christmas things. stay tuned for more!

happy wednesday!

5 things i've learned since becoming a mom: let go

part two in a five part series of things i've learned since becoming a mom 5 years ago.
you can read part one here.


parenting is a funny thing. often it's a balancing act between two things that seem to be at odds with one another.
hold on.

let go.

the boys select rocks to throw into the Mediterranean off the coast of Spain

we were sitting in the bus that was taking us back to our hotel in jinja after spending 2 hours cruising the nile. i watched noah as he sat across from me in his own seat. bumping and jostling about with no seat belt down the red dirt roads here in uganda. i never knew what it was to really worry until i had kids. in my head i pictured so many different scenarios in which he could get hurt. i had to bite my tongue so i wouldn't be a broken record,

hold on, buddy. 
please make sure you're being careful. 
sit properly in your seat so you don't get hurt, noah.

i didn't tell him to hold on. or be careful. i just watched him as he looked out the window and pointed out all the things he was seeing. i watched him as he eventually turned around in his seat and his head started to droop. i watched him as he fell asleep about 5 minutes from our hotel. so big. yet so little.

jude wanders off by himself on safari - classic jude

i'm learning to let go. i'm learning not to hold onto my children in fear, but to let go of them and help them develop at every stage they hit. to help them become independent young men who will one day make their own way in the world. i'm learning to teach as i live and let go of the need for perfection in day-to-day activities. to explain to noah what i'm doing as i mix the pancake batter. to let him dump in just a bit too much flour and struggle to stir the thick cookie dough together.

letting go of any hope of a well-cleaned car...

when we decided to come to uganda i had to let go of fears i didn't know i had. i had to let go of fears i was well aware that i had. i can't hold onto my children forever for fear that they will get hurt or experience pain or disappointment. it is in those trials that they develop strong character and become people who will go on to do great things. we are all shaped through pain and trials. if we try to protect our children from all pain and adversity we will end up shriveled and anxious from worry and our children will be coddled and unable to function in the world without us. and having {grown} children who are dependent of us is not the end goal of parenting.

so i let go and in turn help my children to work it out by themselves. not always jumping in to take over. not always nagging and reminding them to "be safe", "be careful", or "watch out". i help my boys to one day become men. i hold onto them, but not in fear. i let go of them in confidence and with encouragement that they can do it and if they fail, that's okay too. because you don't go far in life if you only stick to "safe".
it's not always easy for me to bite my tongue {and often times i don't} and i sometimes get caught up in my "worst case scenarios" in my head, but once again i am given this opportunity to trust God to help me to let go and trust Him with my littles, just as He has entrusted them to me.

5 things i've learned since becoming a mom: hold on

in honour of my oldest "baby" turning 5 next week {what?! how did that even happen?}, i was inspired to write about 5 things i've learned since becoming a mom.

hold on

i don't mean that we as parents should hold on in an unhealthy way. i mean hold onto those moments. those fleeting moments that may be your last with them because they've moved on to the next development. breathe in that newborn smell and close your eyes. soak it up. feel the softness of their skin, the pinkness of their feet. cherish the way your toddler wants you and only you for comfort. listen to the stories your 4 year old tells you with such imagination and attention to detail. one day they might not be as forthcoming with their thoughts and stories. hold onto those moments. hold their hands. they might not {and probably won't} want you to hold their hands forever.

blaise gets some "daddy time".

as a first time mom i was really just focusing on surviving those first few months. i had a mild case of post-partum depression and i was in a dark place. i was anxious and paranoid. it was difficult for me to hold onto those moments and yet somehow my memory of noah as a baby is far more vivid than of jude as a baby and probably than my memories of blaise as a baby will be. i'm not sure why that is {although it probably has something to do with not having two older boys to keep busy and take care of}, but i do know that i spent lots of time holding him, rocking him, crying while nursing in the middle of the night {again} and stressing over every little thing. he was my world and i focused nearly all my energies on "keeping him alive" and relishing in his every new development. this is why i smile when i see first time mom's post tons of pictures of their baby's first *insert any "first" that a baby can have* or a 10 minute video waiting for their baby to roll over. they are "holding on" to those moments and they want the world to know about this marvelous new development with "the cutest baby in the world". {because every parent thinks their child is the cutest.}

cuddles with a sick noah

as a third-time mom i am well aware of the fact that this time is precious and will fly by far more quickly than i am prepared for - and not just with blaise, but with my older two boys as well. i will not always have a three and {almost} five year old. jude will not always say "yup" in that quiet, cute way. noah will not always want or need me to read him stories. blaise is growing faster than i thought was possible.

more cuddles with a sick jude

yes, it's hard. yes, it sometimes sucks. yes, it's incredibly sanctifying to be a mother and a parent. there's nothing like a little mirror to show you all the ugliness you never knew you had in you.
God knows that i fail at this every.single.day. but regardless, it's something i've learned and continue to learn.
so hold onto your babies while they are still young. they will never want or need you like they have you now so hold onto it and remind yourself of this every.single.day. on the days when i don't remember what's really important at this stage, it's all-too-easy to get resentful for my lack of "me" time, or the way they always need me or want to tell me something or show me something and want me to play with them or read them a book. it's crazy how quickly i become self-centered when this time is so limited and my children are so precious. what is honestly more important that pouring into my children, spending time with them and teaching them? i can't think of a single thing.

and so in five years as a mama, i've learned the importance of holding on.

threats and "the game"

threats. they seem to be quite popular in our family these days. and i'm not just talking about coming from the parental units. noah tends to threaten us to "get his way" {which he definitely doesn't when he uses threats, letmetellYOU!}.

if you don't let me have the iPad, i'm going to be really angry and throw this chair.

now we've started cutting him off if he even begins a sentence with a scowl and the words, "if you don't..." by saying, "i'm sorry, noah, but that's not how we talk to each other in this family."
he doesn't like it, and it often makes him angrier {usually}, but it's completely unacceptable to us. so no. we don't threaten.
jude has picked up on the "threat language" and uses it from time to time but our reaction is the same as well.

but jude's game with us is the yes/no game. it often happens around bedtime.
it usually goes a little something like this;

good night, jude. *lean in for a goodnight kiss*

NO KISS! NO HUG! NO!

okay, that's fine.  and we walk away.

seconds later,

I WANT A KISS! I WANT A HUG!

so we lean in to give him a kiss and get,

NO KISS! NO HUG!

so we walk away. and he demands a kiss and and hug again.

once we realized what he was doing, we decided to take him at his first word. i walk away and say good night the first time he rejects it, despite the fact that he wails and screams. and the first few times he obviously lasted longer although he does less so now. oftentimes i'll just move in for a kiss and give him lots of kisses all over his squirmy self as he giggles, but it doesn't mean that he is satisfied. he'll often still demand that he gets to give me a kiss but then falls back into "the game". at least when i walk away, i've still given him kisses. he'll just have to learn to mean what he says. he'll get it. eventually.

the same thing goes for mealtimes. he'll say he's done and get down from the table so i take away his plate and he freaks out at me saying that he wasn't done and he still wants to eat.
he knows now that if he gets down from the table, he's done. plate goes away. that's it.
he still freaks out, but at least we all know where we stand on these issues.

it's still incredibly frustrating and i despise the tantrums that follow, but after reading through this blog, i remembered that we had a rough time with noah when he turned three as well. the three's are rough around here. we just have to suck it up, stick to our word and move forward.

we have our daily {hourly} struggles around here. parenting is by no means easy with these two fantastically smart and spunky boys. just the other day i {temporarily} took away their screen time tickets for the rest of the day due to poor attitudes and meltdowns right after each of them using a ticket. i find i am far more grace-filled but i also find i am praying a lot more for patience and lowered blood pressure because these boys certainly know how to make my blood boil!

the sweetest thing

jude is only wearing a diaper and is covered in blue {washable} marker.

noah is wearing his red cape.

there are 2 cardboard houses in my living room {decorated in blue washable marker}. one belongs to a washing machine. the other to a dryer. we have power. both are running right now. so incredibly thankful.

putamayo kids folk playground music is playing right now.

i did a 30 minute pilates video workout this morning and dripped sweat.

i made our favourite banana muffins this morning.

my hair feels unbelievably healthy and wonderful after getting a haircut last week.

tonight we're having tuna casserole for dinner. i'll probably get started on that soon.

i banned all kids toys in the living room this morning after the boys painstakingly and with much complaining grudgingly cleaned up the mess that had somehow taken over our entire living room. we'll see how long it lasts. jude needs constant reminders of this new rule. i've lost it a few times with them today. i hate raising my voice. i feel like bill cosby sometimes,
come here. come HERE. COME HERE. COMEHERECOMEHERECOMEHERE. 
i know this is a reflection upon my poor parenting skills and lack of consistency as of late.

regardless, there are many things {so many things} that we have to be thankful. i am counting my blessings. one by one, big and small.

- that jude's cold has passed. we didn't have to take him to the clinic.
- a washer!
- a dryer!
- my very own Mr. Darcy who would say that i have bewitched him body and soul.
- power!
- friends here in Kampala
- sweet friends and family in Canada
- skype
- sour gummy worms
- sharing a giddy laugh with jamie in the pantry
- friends here who know how to fix stuff
- the smell of freshly cleaned and dried laundry
- money to buy food
- noah's imagination and love of reading
- a Kindle from my in-laws {the gift of unlimited reading here!}

thank you, Jesus.

God with us.

I went outside just now to check on the boys.
as I called down to them {they were on the second level of our yard} to be careful, Noah asked if I would be staying out with them. I told him no, that I was going back into the meeting in our living room and I said that they would be fine because they're in our own yard.
and then Noah said,
oh yeah! and God is with us! *then he turned to Jude* don't worry, Jude! because God is with us!

moments like these make all the hard times parenting worth it. completely.

two weeks

i saved the m&ms my mom sent me from canada especially for this.

not gonna lie, it was total sugar overload. but so much fun!
both the boys decided to "save the rest of theirs for tomorrow" after picking off 90% of the candies after dinner tonight.

we don't have snow to go sledding on. {or shovel.}
we don't need down-filled winter coats or cozy ugg-boots.
in fact, it would seem that practically over night we've entered the dry/hot season.
i didn't expect it to happen so quickly!

we've stayed faithful to doing our weekly family advent devotional, but most weeks {every week} it looks like {from all outward appearances} a bust. this morning when we did this week's devotional, noah ended up in a timeout for sassing and being rude. there were tears. and screaming. and anger.
we are not a perfect family.
we never will be.
but our job as parents is to teach and instruct our children and tell them of God's love for them. for us.
so we keep on keepin' on.
and we trust in His word.

he swims!

once he figured out the water wings and realized he had independence...

pure joy.

and for me to watch my child learn a new skill, become confident and excited about his new ability...

also pure joy.

like nothing I have ever experienced until I had kids. 

being a parent is really, really cool. 

big challenges.

massive blessings.

linking up with Sweet Shot Tuesdays

breakable

kids are pretty resilient.
but they need some sort of stability in their lives.


it was a long, drawn out, somewhat difficult bedtime tonight but God gave me grace and patience for my sweet boys.
noah looked at some books while i rocked jude to sleep and then i lay down with noah until he fell asleep so he wouldn't be scared on his own.
they are both quiet and sleeping now. i pray they sleep through the night okay.

while i lay there with noah, he and i had another conversation about africa.

n: do aunt heidi and uncle jordi (whose place we are house sitting for now) work at daddy's work in guelph? (the university)
me: yes.
n: but daddy doesn't work there anymore.
me: you're right.
n: why?
me: because we're going to move to uganda and he'll be working there.
pause
n: but why do we have to move to uganda?

oh how my heart squeezes with a little grief as i try to explain to you, sweet boy, why we feel God has called our family to move to uganda. away from what we know. to something different.

oh how my heart is excited for all that you (we) will experience and how it is going to be so worth everything we are "giving up".

He is worth it. all of it.

i pray that you will know this and experience this. with all my heart this is what i pray for you and your brother.

photo credit

submission and toddler hitting

I have one of those children.
The child who hits your child.
It is hard to be that parent. I definitely judged those parents before I became one of them.
But this isn't about me.
It's about Jude.
He hits.
Frequently.
He hits Noah.
He hits other children - children we know, children we don't know.
He throws toys in frustration.
At people's heads.
He hits the tv screen, the computer, the table.
He hits Jamie - but it often becomes a game and so I'm not sure what to do about that.

Now don't get me wrong, he's not some terror-child on the rampage to destroy and hurt others.
But when he's frustrated, look out.

I feel exhausted and weary from this battle.
I feel like this has been going on for a really long time (although it can't be more than a month or two...more maybe?).

So I decided to do what any Mom with internet would do,
Google it.
And I came across a few helpful articles, and a few unhelpful articles and one very anger-inducing article.

I think I need to keep doing what I'm doing (grabbing his hand away from whoever/whatever he is hitting or about to hit and say, "We don't hit, Jude."), increase my consistency (that is, really hone in on this one area of disobedience with Jude) and be more diligent to remove him from the situation in which he is hitting.

One distinct thing I've noticed is that he really does not want to look in my eyes when I'm telling him not to hit. He'll look away, whine, cry, wriggle and scream but he does not want to look in my eyes which really tells me that he's going to continue to challenge me in the area of submission and obedience.
For a child to take the step to look into their parents eyes requires a certain amount of submission.
And Jude does not even seem willing to give me that.
So we'll see where this goes.
In the meantime, I have clarity in how I need to pray for Jude.

I want time to slow down....sorta

Noah's pants are too short. Most of them, anyway.
They're at that awkward stage where if I saw another kid with the same length pants on, I'd probably cringe and think, "Oh how geeky. Get some new pants for the kid, already!"
He's too big for size 3's (mostly) and too small for size 4's.

How'd he get so big, anyway?

He's got an appetite these days that could break the bank and endless questions and comments about everything and anything.

Yesterday as he was finishing his lunch and trying to get the last bit of food stuck to the side of his bowl he said,

Oh. It's on the wall. The bowl wall.

God, I love this kid.

And he still needs an afternoon nap.
Oh he can get through the whole day without one but come 4pm and he can snap and melt into a teary mess if he's angry enough or doesn't get his way.
Tonight as Jamie left at 6pm to get onto campus for dinner and the weekly meeting Noah wailed and cried for a good 20-30 minutes saying,

I need Daddy! I need Daddy!


over and over again.
Jude and I cleaned up their room and then Jude had a bath. By the time Jude was done his bath (and ready to wear his dragon house "coke" (coat)) Noah had calmed down and was ready for his bath but got all riled up again when I told him I had to wash his hair.

Oh my boy. I love you so much.
You are worth every single second of the hard times.

daddy love

lately noah has had an increased desire to be with daddy. it's a joy for me to see this as previously jamie has been the recipient of some disrespectful behaviour from noah which has been hard for me to see and hard on jamie as well (who is an amazing daddy and shows unconditional love and grace to his little boys). 

tonight jamie had a later day on campus and came home about 20 minutes before noah's bedtime and when we heard the garage door open noah raced down the stairs to see him.

much fun ensued.

ps this is noah being thrown up into the air, not jumping off the balcony.

research

my personality, in general, is one of a researcher. when i'm insterested in something or passionate about something i research. i read, read, read - books, magazines, articles, blogs, anything i can find on that particular subject/thing/issue.
when i was pregnant with noah i read a lot. i read books on pregnancy, birth, and labour. i asked people for their birth stories and found some online too*.
i read books on parenting philosophies including everything from babywise to attatchment parenting.
jamie's nana even wrote out her birth stories for me which i absolutely and completely loved!
i loved hearing the horrible worst-case-scenarios and the oh-my-gosh-it-was-perfect stories. i wanted to know everything.
but at some point all the research combined with some PPD made for one overwhelmed, anxious and paranoid mama who didn't have any confidence in her own maternal instinct.
research is so great and valuable, but at some point you need to take what you've read, glean the principles and mold them to your situation. because your situation is completely unique in at least some way and it's going to look different for everyone.
it took me going across the globe to africa, away from all my precious books and dependable internet for me to learn how to trust my instinct and my God-given ability and privilege to be noah's mama. picked out specifically for noah and he for me. noah was 6 months old at the time and it was the best thing for all of us.
since then i've occasionally referred to books or online resources for different questions i've had but nothing like my initial frenzy of reading.
but now i find myself compeltely depleted of wisdom and knowledge of how to navigate these murky waters of preschoolerhood that i find myself in. so it's back to the books.
this time, however, i'll be able to take it all in with a grain of salt and figure out how to balance what i know of my child with the principles and ideas presented.

also, funny story: on my way out of the library as i'm wrestling to keep two very rambunctious, hungry and somewhat cranky boys under control i am sure the librarian was totally chuckling to herself as she scanned these books out for me. it also might explains why she was so helpful by putting my many books into my bag for me (never once has a librarian done that for me). regardless, i was thankful.

thanks to those so far who have recommended ideas and books to me. i'm likely going to at least skim everything i can get my hands on and then delve deeper into the ones that seem to hit it home with me. keep 'em coming!


*the blogs i've linked to are all ones i found around the birth of jude, not noah. but they're good ones. if you like birth stories, read 'em! the first link is hilarious (caution, much swear-age occurs), the second one is amazing and terrifying, the third one i love how she writes and um, also, the last one (nella's birth story) is absolutely heart-breaking. read with caution. i bawled. (i actually just re-read it and bawled again. so that's that.)

confessions

i know there are others out there.
other moms out there.
other moms who have strong-willed children.
i'm not just talking about having a tantrum on the occasion or exerting their independence every now and then.
i'm talking about children who are characterized by people who barely know them as well as those who know them well as strong-willed (is that just the nice phrase we use for stubborn? defiant? i don't even know anymore).

i'm talking about my noah.

and part of me knows that it's a lot about the age he's at. the phase he's in. the developmental stage he's going through.
he's three. three is rough letmetellYOU. and it's such a ridiculous pendulum swing - for everyone because we just have no idea when the switch is going to flick and he's going to be sweet, adorable, agreeable noah instead of defiant, insolent, disobedient, out of control raging noah.
i mean, three is
"i wanna cuddle with you, mama", punching and kicking me, "i love you so much, mama", screaming and melting down anytime, anywhere he feels like it (today it was church and not wanting to go into his classroom that he's been going to for at least 6 months now and having a 10 minute tantrum that was not limited to pounding his 3 year old fists on the door), saying NO to me about something so simple it should not even be an issue, exasperating his brother, inciting his brother, being excited about reading Bible stories, making up hilarious songs, spitting at everyone, holding up his fists to people and giving them a grinchy face, putting away his toys, NOT putting away his toys, refusing to put on his own boots, INSISTING on putting on his own boots.

three is confusing. and if it's confusing for me, it's gotta be confusing for noah.
so there's grace.
but there's also a need for teaching and correction and it's my job to both teach and correct him. because if i don't, who is supposed to? is it not unrealistic for me to just expect him to learn it on his own?

someone once told me about the idea of a family's "rallying cry" which is something or someone the entire family (or at the very least the husband/wife team) can rally around and focus on for a determined amount of time or until a specific goal is met.
i think jamie and i need to rally around and behind noah. to focus in on teaching him and correcting him as he navigates the waters of being three years old. to pray for him. and pray for wisdom for us to know how to teach and correct this precious gem and blessing we've been given.

in part i've been meeting him head-on like two battling rams. i know exactly where noah gets his strong will and i can match him every step of the way. and in some situations i know and thank god that he's given me this iron will to be consistent and teach my child that i mean what i say. but i know that this isn't always the best way to address every situation. and to be honest, it's tiring. and children can sense weakness like bees can sense fear. it's wicked crazy and it is not to be messed with. for reals.

one specific step i will be taking (and blogging more about in the coming weeks) is that i've made a list of things i want to pray about/towards as part of my lent experience this year. one of these is noah. 40 days of specific, concerted prayer for my first born and how i am supposed to parent him through this season of all our lives.

so to all you mom's of strong-willed children, i know your child is different from mine and i am different from you, but have you any encouragement? advice? suggestions? anecdotes?

*you may now go back to watching the Oscars (we have no cable and streaming was so chopping it really wasn't worth it).

passive aggressive

I'm not sure where he got it from, but lately this is how Noah's been talking:

Mom...? I want to w-w-w-w-w-w-w-wa-wa-wa-wa-...


You want to wa-? (full well knowing what he's trying to say)

I want to w-w-w-wa-wa-wa-watch - tee-tee-tee-teevee!


Right.

Often I'll just get frustrated and say something like,

Noah, speak to me normally. Just tell me what you'd like.

And usually it has to do with watching tv. Because he loves watching tv. He pretty much always has. So I really work on not letting him watch too much tv simply because he is so inclined toward sitting and watching all.day.long (if he had his way).
But anyway, I have no idea where he got this passive aggressive form of asking for things from, but for some reason it seems familiar to me. I seem to recall my friend talking about teaching her daughter to ask directly for what she wanted instead of saying,
"I'm hungry" or "I'm soooo thirsty." or just plain hovering around waiting for someone to ask her what she wanted.

So we're working on it. That and so many other things right now.

Three is tough.

tantrums and my own issues

Lately I've been struggling with my responses to Noah's meltdowns. Like screaming-in-my-face-in-the-middle-of-Chapters meltdowns. Like throwing-metal-cars-across-the-room meltdowns.
Everything in me just melts down into one emotion: pure rage. And then embarrassment if we're somewhere public. And then frustration because I don't know how to make.it.stop.
I read somewhere {Raising Boys, maybe?} about testosterone surges in boys at ages 3 and 7 and then of course during puberty I think. This would explain the pure rage and anger Noah exhibits, but how to explain mine?
I've mostly been able to keep it under check but it's definitely a wake up call that I need to work through my issues of control and pride {because that's what causes my embarrassment in a public situation}.
But it's frustrating to feel like I'm back here again. Working through these issues all over again.

Today I decided to play out a future situation with Noah.

Me: Noah, we're going to Hannah's house after lunch. And we're going to stay and play there for awhile. But after awhile we're going to have to leave and come back home. So when I say "Noah. It's time to go." You need to say, "Okay Mom." and then we'll get our coats and boots on. Okay?

Noah: Okay.

Me: So let's practice. Noah. We're having a fun time at Hannah's house but it's time to go.

pause


Me again: So what do you need to say?

Noah: Um...okay Mom. Boots and coats, now?

We rehearsed this a few more times and I also reminded him of this in the car on the way there.
While we were there we had a minor struggle for a diaper change {more on our goal of The Great Potty Training of 2011 later} and I reminded him of his response when I would soon tell him that it was time to go.

And then when it was time...it worked! He said, Okay! {and then quickly asked if he could watch something on tv while I prepared dinner when we got home.}
So all the rehearsing worked. I wasn't a believer of the practicing and preparing beforehand in the past, but I guess I needed to actually get him to say the words and pretend. I think it helped a lot.

I hope this will help the rage in our household. Because Jude watches and is The Ultimate CopyCat in his spitting and hitting and saying "NO!". It's shocking because he's so young, and kinda scary at how much he picks up from watching Noah so I'm really trying hard to set firm ground rules of expected behaviour because I do NOT want my children screaming in my face, much less anyone else's!

It's truly a good thing they are so cute because all I have to do is look at pictures like these {no matter how my day has been} and my heart goes to mush.

Relapse

I totally blogged too soon.

No joke, that night Noah called out for me a 1/2 hour after I put him down saying he was "scared" but then didn't know what he was scared of. So I sat in the room with him until he fell asleep (about 35 minutes - or at least he was quiet when I left the room).

The next night he screamed. And screamed. And screamed some more so I had to take Jude out of the room (as he was now awake and crying) and put him in the office in the pack 'n play.

Noah proceeded to scream and cry and call out for just over 2 hours when he finally fell asleep.

Naps have also been accompanied with screaming and crying and calling out.

Tonight Jamie is putting him to bed and he is now testing Jamie's endurance by actually getting OUT of bed and screaming. (Stay with it, Jame! You can do it!) So Jamie is not talking to or looking at Noah as he continues to put him back in his bed.

It's a FULL ON RELAPSE.

Interesting because a friend of mine also started "the sleep rules" with her daughter around the same time we did with Noah and she totally went through the relapse a couple days ago. So we are pushing through this and hopefully we will come out on the other side with some firmly established, healthy sleep habits.

If there's one thing I've learned with kids...they like to change it up and keep things real.

(And also, we are more persistent than they are.)