Tuesday, April 5, 2011

submission and toddler hitting

I have one of those children.
The child who hits your child.
It is hard to be that parent. I definitely judged those parents before I became one of them.
But this isn't about me.
It's about Jude.
He hits.
He hits Noah.
He hits other children - children we know, children we don't know.
He throws toys in frustration.
At people's heads.
He hits the tv screen, the computer, the table.
He hits Jamie - but it often becomes a game and so I'm not sure what to do about that.

Now don't get me wrong, he's not some terror-child on the rampage to destroy and hurt others.
But when he's frustrated, look out.

I feel exhausted and weary from this battle.
I feel like this has been going on for a really long time (although it can't be more than a month or two...more maybe?).

So I decided to do what any Mom with internet would do,
Google it.
And I came across a few helpful articles, and a few unhelpful articles and one very anger-inducing article.

I think I need to keep doing what I'm doing (grabbing his hand away from whoever/whatever he is hitting or about to hit and say, "We don't hit, Jude."), increase my consistency (that is, really hone in on this one area of disobedience with Jude) and be more diligent to remove him from the situation in which he is hitting.

One distinct thing I've noticed is that he really does not want to look in my eyes when I'm telling him not to hit. He'll look away, whine, cry, wriggle and scream but he does not want to look in my eyes which really tells me that he's going to continue to challenge me in the area of submission and obedience.
For a child to take the step to look into their parents eyes requires a certain amount of submission.
And Jude does not even seem willing to give me that.
So we'll see where this goes.
In the meantime, I have clarity in how I need to pray for Jude.


  1. when i first introduced eye contact to C, it worked WONDERS. now it has become a secondary battle to whatever primary battle i was trying to work through/avoid.

    but i don't want to give up, because when i DO get his eyes on mine, the whole interaction shifts.


  2. ugh. i hear you! you are describing my Eli when he gets frustrated - it's the EXACT same behavior! i also have noticed the same lack of willingness to look in my eyes. he also has added a manipulative element to his anger/defiance/disobedience - upon me telling him not to do something/touch something/hit someone, etc, he'll immediately say, "hold you?" or "hug?" and reach out to grab me for comfort. it is VERY frustrating!!! we are not giving in to that, but at the same time, i have no idea how to express the seriousness of the situation - i suppose he will just get it as he grows, but man, i hear you on this post!

  3. Vanessa, you are not alone! Henrik is a hitter. We too are struggling how to deal with this. If you have success in curbing this behaviour, please send your wisdom our way! So far time outs, ignoring the behaviour, persistently saying "we don't hit", and crying to elicit a "sorry" and a forgiving hug have not led to less hitting. It's definitely a frustration thing for Henrik as well, and just like Jude, he has trouble looking me in the eye when I speak to him about it. Ahhh.. the joys of toddlerhood! :)

  4. Thanks, friends. It's good to know I'm not alone and I don't have the only "hitting" child. I know I don't, but...it's good to hear others say it too. :)
    Mel...you're making it VERY difficult to not hop on a plane RIGHT now and hang out with you guys!!!

  5. darling vanesster, (don't ask),
    a) you're the BOMB mama. i don't say that flippantly.
    b) you are a FAITHFUL mama. i am proud of you.
    c) i'm ROOTING for you (:

  6. I'm sorry. I'm having some struggles with G not looking at me when I try to discipline him lately too. And our problem right now is that he just does NOT listen and/or does the complete OPPOSITE of what I tell him to do.

    I'll pray too. It's hard Momma. I hope the phase passes SOON!

  7. wow! if all it takes it telling you all about my disobedient child, I will be sure to do more of that! :)


I love hearing from you!
If you're commenting as "Anonymous" please make sure to sign your name under your comment so I know who you are!
Happy day to you!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...