confessions of a young mom on sunday

today i went to church {as in, i entered a church building} for the first time in at least 2 months.
i know.
but church is hard. at least, i find it really hard here.
in canada, we entered our church to familiar, smiling faces. we didn't stick out like sore thumbs. we promptly dropped off our boys in their safe, incredibly creative and age-appropriate children's church classes.
then we would often happily chat with a friend or two in the lobby and walk in to find a seat to familiar songs to worship to. the sermon would usually be thought-provoking and Bible-based. then we would pick up our boys afterward, chat with friends until the lobby cleared and we would drive home or to a friend's house for lunch.

in uganda, we drive to church and immediately heads turn when we pull up. we are muzungus. white people. the boys are often happily greeted by ugandans with good intentions, but it's often too much - especially for noah - and i have to keep reminding them to say hello and be polite and not be rude or grumpy.
we somehow corral the boys into a pew and try to keep them from crawling all over the ground that's covered in a fine, red dust. they are up and down and fighting with each other and i can barely pay attention to the song that's being sung. then children are dismissed to their classes and i walk with the boys to theirs. they are expected to sit for the remainder of the time listening to a lesson or colouring. maybe they sing a song or two. the doors are left open to the courtyard, which leads to the parking lot. i stay with them because they'd run out in a heartbeat if i left them.

today we went to a different church that we could walk to. at our other church we were one of a few young, white families. at this church? out of at least 200 kids in their children's church, they were the only white kids. we were stared at. pointed at. giggled at. but the lesson was told much more engagingly for the boys' age despite being expected to sit for the entire time.

today was better. and i'm betting it's not necessarily because of the lesson {although it was so much better by leaps and bounds than any other lesson i've heard for kids since being here}. it was because my reason for going was different. today i went for my kids.

we are not in canada. we are in uganda. it is good to go through hard things. it is good for the boys to learn to deal with stares or "standing out". it is good for us to show our boys that church is an important part of our week. it is good for me to go. if only for the sake of my children.