Tuesday, March 6, 2012


life is not easy. no matter where you live.
lately i've been battling lies.
lately i haven't spent enough time with Jesus.
i've felt the lyrics of brooke fraser's song shadowfeet so deeply in my spirit these past few days.

walking, stumbling on these shadowfeet
towards home; a land that i've never seen
i am changing; less and less asleep
made of different stuff than when i began

and i have sensed it all along
fast approaching is the day

when the world has fallen out from under me
i'll be found in You, still standing
when the sky rolls up and mountains fall on their knees
when time and space are through, i'll be found in You

there's distraction buzzing in my head
saying in the shadows it's easier to stay
but i've heard rumors of true reality
whispers of a well-lit way

you make all things new

i've been grasping and trying to really see Him every day. but i fail. every day i fail in some way. i am so incredibly needy and weak that i'm not really sure what i'm doing here. in uganda. in this marriage. as a mother. {those lies can be so loud sometimes} and then i throw myself before Him and beg for more of Him. and He is so faithful.

i started reading Seeing and Savoring Jesus Christ by John Piper for Lent. i've read this book a couple other times and every time i am so incredibly moved as i get to know my Jesus more and fall deeper in love with Him.
at the end of each chapter there is a prayer and i'd like to share these prayers with you - probably on a weekly basis.

O Father of glory, this is the cry of our hearts - to be changed from one degree of glory to another, until, in the resurrection, at the last trumpet, we are completely conformed to the image of your Son, Jesus Christ, our Lord. Until then, we long to grow in grace and in the knowledge of our Lord, especially the knowledge of his glory. We want to see it as clearly as we see the sun, and to savor it as deeply as our most desired pleasure. O merciful God, incline our hearts to your Word {please, God} and the wonders of your glory. Wean us from our obsession with trivial things. Open the eyes of our hearts to see each day what the created universe is telling about your glory. Enlighten our minds to see the glory of your Son in the Gospel. We believe that you are the All-glorious One, and that there is none like you. Help our unbelief. Forgive the wandering of our affections and the undue attention we give to lesser things. Have mercy on us for Christ's sake, and fulfill in us your great design to display the glory of your grace. In Jesus' name we pray, amen.

i came across this blog yesterday and resonated with so many of her entries, but specifically one that focused on how it can be frustrating to take steps of faith and obedience and find yourself a "worser" person than before you made that step. i was encouraged as i've been feeling ugly and awful and forced to confront some pretty nasty things i see in myself {as this post shows}. when you become an awful person


  1. thanks for the link. and the glimpse into your heart. we need to do coffee soon- and maybe without kids (mine are sick). love you much and love what He is doing in you!

  2. Hey sis thanks for sharing. I love your honesty as a woman, not a perfect Christian lady :P It seems lent is a time for God to show us just how much we need him.

  3. Thanks Vanessa, as always, for being real and open about what's going on with you. It's encouraging that you are running to Him, and devoting yourself to Him through your self reflection. I can't imagine what it must feel like to be so far from everything you know, and it seems like with out our comforts you are forced to face things that we don't normally have to face in familiar places.

    It helps me to reflect on my own brokenness and where my priorities are.

    Love and prayers.

  4. Thank you for being real with us, our prayers will much more real as well.
    I love that John Piper book, as good as each chapter is, I found the prayers to be even that much more powerful. It is time to read it again.
    Much love,

    Mom S.

  5. Me too, and as Paul said "that which I would not, that do I do". I am looking forward to our next bible study from Beth Moore on When godly people do ungodly things. I think that must encompass all of our ugliness, and God knows, He is not finished with me yet... praise the Lord! xo


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