Wednesday, May 30, 2012


why is gratitude so hard to do in the not-so-great times? why does my heart fall back upon grumbling and complaining and having a bad attitude?

on our drive home from jinja today i commented to jamie that sometimes {lots of times} pride is all over me. i pat myself on the back for being a mom in africa and how i must be so awesome-special to be doing what i'm doing and then i stop and think {or something happens to make me stop and think}, really, vanessa? really? because it seems like just yesterday {and a few days ago and pretty much all of last week, 2 months ago, etc.} you were barely hanging on.

there is nothing awesome-special about me. because it's nothing in me that enables me to be here. the real me is grumbling about late-night karaoke and hotel rooms right beside the bar and {my} out of control children and the lack of mosquito nets in our hotel room and lake flies in the bathroom and no power in our house in kampala and a fridge that got turned off for 3 days and wasted food and on and on it goes. that's the real me. or at least the me without Jesus.

i need Him far more desperately than i'm often willing to acknowledge. 

it's sad, really.
but i'm learning to abide in Him.
because He doesn't need strong, healthy, holy people coming to Him to abide. He calls the weak and desperate to come. abide. He calls me. and then once i come, He helps me to abide. it's amazing really. you might say that it's awesome-special. 


  1. Great post Vaness. Great reminder to us all (cause God knows I've got pride all over me too). But what an awesome-special family photo :)

  2. Thanks Vanessa! There is a lot of me in that post. Great reminder.

  3. A) Hug
    B) your thoughts echo mine...your need for Jesus? Samesies
    C) last week I was a wretched child, my mom ( seriously) threatened to ship me off to Africa so "Vanessa can take care of you, and your whiny attitude"
    D) I replied w "dare you!"

  4. I think we all need Him far more than we are willing to realize. Thanks for this reminder, truly.


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