a 14 month breastfeeding journey

Blaise has been such a ham these days. It's such a fun {but ridiculously busy} age. He's dropped his morning nap and has started to self-wean from the breast. I'm sad, but also happy about how it seems to be going. I've just sorta let it be whatever it is and the other night he rejected his bedtime nursing so I just cuddled him for a minute and then put him in his crib and left.

Even though he's still not sleeping through the night {so far that's only ever happened once} at least he goes to sleep super easy and will go down for others too.

Last week Jamie and I went out with a bunch of friends to a concert in Hamilton. It was the longest I've left Blaise during the evening. If I'm gone in the day, I'm usually back to put him down for the night. But we left at 4pm and my Mom single handedly fed the boys and put them all down for the night. Even Blaise!

So...weaning. We'll see how it all goes. I'm happy it's lasted this long as he's likely my last biological child and so there's that sentimental part of me that is soaking up every last minute nurturing him from my body {I'm still amazed by this} and wondering when it will be my last time to breastfeed him.

It does make sense that he is self-weaning though, because in the last month and a bit his appetite has increased dramatically. It's like he realized how awesome solid food is and he just can't get enough of it. He still is picky {I would say}, and he definitely has his Mama's sweet tooth, but he eats a lot now. I believe this is the part where we enter the whole "three boys are going to eat us out of house and home" part of life.

So that's my journey so far. It's been incredibly liberating and empowering to be able to breastfeed all three of my boys and to get to the point where I don't feel the need to "cover myself" in public while breastfeeding. I'm so thankful for all the bloggers and friends and online resources I had access to that encouraged me. Oh and living in Uganda. Cuz that was awesome.

Happy 14 months to my baby!

on public breastfeeding :: an update

I've been meaning to write an update on how the breastfeeding is going with Blaise and how my feelings have or haven't changed regarding public breastfeeding since having my third.

My main feelings can be summed up like so:

I love it.

Breastfeeding in Africa {specifically Uganda} has been incredibly liberating. I don't even think about it. If Blaise is fussy, I feed him. I think I may have used my breastfeeding cover 4 times since his birth? It's just been a complete non-issue. After having 3 kids it would seem I've mostly mastered {depending on the shirt I'm wearing} the art of modestly and comfortably breastfeeding in public. 
Now that Blaise is getting a bit older and more aware of his surroundings, sometimes I choose to breastfeed in my room or somewhere quieter if he's getting distracted and pulling off frequently. But he's such a fast and efficient eater that he's usually done in about 5 minutes anyway.
With our recent travels I breastfed on planes, on buses and even at the Barcelona Science Center.

I was breastfeeding Blaise in the childcare room during our conference before dropping him off {such a blessing to be kid-free for at least a couple hours!} and one of the childcare workers asked if he was sleeping. Which is generally my goal while breastfeeding publicly {to do it in a way that isn't so obvious}. Well, that and actually feeding my child of course.

So while breastfeeding has it's challenges {like not being able to hand off a nighttime feeding to Jamie or anyone else}, it's been easy for me and no-fuss {not to mention free!}. Which for a pretty busy Mama of three little dudes makes it completely ideal.

the breastfeeding in public non-issue

so breastfeeding in public.
goodness gracious what a stir it's causing over the pond there in the US and Canada.
i mean, how long has this been going on for? every couple years something comes up and everyone is all up in arms about it. those on the "pro" side are venting and defending and those on the "con" side are bashing it and whatnot.
and then it dies down.
and then something else happens and woopdeedoo we're all crazy again!

anyway.
so i'm somewhat removed from it all. somewhat because geographically i'm removed. but i have internet. so ... ya know. i read stuff.
but i just want to say that i love how much of a non-issue it is here. culturally it's not unusual to see a woman breastfeeding her child. fully exposed. one day i saw a woman at a little pedicure shack/store getting her toes done and breastfeeding her baby. love.
then another day i was at the craft market and saw a vendor breastfeeding her baby while sitting outside her shop. no "udder cover". no shawl. no receiving blanket. just a baby receiving his nourishment from a boob. that's right. a boob. {look at me being all controversial.}

and a part of me instinctively wanted to walk up to her and say, "good for you, mama!". but then my brain kicked in and i realized where i was and almost laughed at myself. if i did that, this mother would have zero clue what i was referring to. zero. because breastfeeding in public and showing your breast {gasp! no modesty!} is completely fine in most african cultures. so of course she'd feed her child where she was. she has a store to run to make money so she can put a roof over her child's head. closing up shop for 10-40 minutes so she could feed her child somewhere privately could mean the loss of several customers.

it's been interesting here knowing a few missionary mamas who are breastfeeding their kids and with both of them, they've checked with me to make sure i was okay with them nursing their babies around me and my boys. i've never asked them, but i'm almost 100% sure that they don't ask the ugandan's they are around if they are okay with them nursing. it's just so interesting. {oh and of course i said i was okay as long as they were fine with jude being a bit more curious about it all. and i got to see twins tandem nursing. ah.maze.ing. mamas of twins who breastfed them...you are absolute super stars!}

i personally don't feel the need to cover up when i breastfeed {although this was a long road for me, personally to become comfortable with it and eventually did it successfully with jude in public places and never had a single person stare at me or give me negative feedback. in fact, more people noticed when i breastfed with a cover as it drew more attention to the fact that i was breastfeeding.} and we'll see how it goes here. does it matter that i am white {and therefore so are my breasts} and breastfeeding? will that be an issue? i have no idea. but i'm guessing less of an issue here than in Canada or the US.

it will also be different as we will be sharing our living space with the other Canadian guy on our STINT team here and so that will bring another dynamic into the mix as well.

and so like most things, i am weighing in after all the hype has died down.

breasts are for feeding babies. but they are not just for feeding babies. which makes this {non}issue just a bit more complicated.
i want to be sensitive {and will strive to be when this baby is born}, but i also completely and fully endorse a woman's right to feed her child using her breasts wherever and whenever she deems necessary.

so that's where this Canadian-born, Ugandan-living mama stands on the whole breastfeeding in public non-issue.

thoughts? agree? disagree? does it make you uncomfortable to see a woman breastfeeding in public? why or why not? do you think it's okay as long as a woman "covers up"? what does that mean? is it okay if part of her back/stomach is showing as long as her breasts aren't? give it to me straight.


**edited to add** while i fully believe that as a woman and one who will be {hopefully} nursing a third baby soon it's within my rights to feed my baby wherever and whenever i deem necessary, if i'm around a man who feels uncomfortable or that it's something that could cause them to stumble, i would gladly forfeit this right and cover up {not that i would ever intentionally whip out my breast and fully expose myself}. my intention is not to purposely expose myself or cause someone to stumble, but to feed my baby and my intention in writing this is perhaps to cause people to re-think what they've been conditioned to think about breasts. 

on weaning.

I am done breastfeeding Jude.

Remember the time when I wrote about Jude refusing me and then me just not offering the boob the next night? Well...it happened. Or didn't. (?) Either way, the night before he refused was his last time breastfeeding.

And I'm sad. I don't remember feeling this way after weaning Noah.

When Jude is crying or upset, I have this urge to whip out the boob and comfort him. But I don't even know if I'm all dried up yet or if there's something left. And he doesn't ask for it.
All I know is that urge makes me sad. Sad that I have no physical "somethingness" to give to him from my own body.

But he was done. And ... I'm going away in a week anyway. So we're done.

But I'm still kinda sad.

the process

The weaning process has begun.

In earnest. (I just wanted to write "in earnest".)

Today I decided to give Jude formula this afternoon instead of the boob.

I had to go and buy formula first. And a sippy cup (the one that worked well with Noah was this one. We have another one that is good as well, but I find at this point the liquid just comes out too fast for Jude. We'll keep it around and use it in a couple weeks when he's got the hang of things.)

I wasn't too sure if he'd take it or not. He refused a couple times with a snarly look on his face and then

he took it!

And he gulped

and gulped

and gulped some more. And then he let out a huge belch. He didn't quite finish the entire thing (about 120 mls) but he drank most of it I'd say. I am pleased.

This picture just makes me laugh because of Jude's legs.

So I am feeling quite free with my afternoons now that I don't have to get back anywhere to nurse my baby. (And this means I'll probably be welcoming my least favourite relative - Aunt Flo - back into my life sometime soonish. Sigh. Oh well. Did I just write about Aunt Flo on my blog? Honestly. I need to stop blogging after 10pm.)

And that's that.

hey sleep...where'd ya go?

I'm finally doing it. I am done nursing in the night. Done.

2 nights ago it was 1am, 3:30am and 5:45am - and then 8am. Do I have a newborn or a 9 month old?
Honestly.

Last night there was a wake up at 1:30, but it was short-lived and he fell back to sleep. Then a feeding at around 3am and then I can't even remember if there was a 5 or 6am one but then he was up around 7:45 for the day.
Ugh.

So yesterday I took Jude for his 9 month check up with the doctor and he is 21lbs! She said he doesn't need to be fed in the middle of the night which I agreed with and already knew. We talked about how with the second or subsequent child we do whatever it takes to either a) get back to sleep as fast as possible or b) not wake up the other child(ren). Hence the subsequent child(ren) don't usually sleep "through the night" as early as the first child with which we were single-minded in our quest to make sure we are teaching our child good sleep habits and sleeping through the night is the ultimate goal (as opposed to maintaining the peace at all costs).

So she said I can either just keep doing what I'm doing until I'm ready to let him cry a little.

And I'm ready.

I actually had a bit of an epiphany, though. I don't have to FULLY let him cry it out. What if I just go in and hold him for a couple minutes and then put him back down? What if?

So this was tested already (yeah, it's midnight and I'm still up. What's it to ya? I blog best late at night!) as Jude woke around ... 11 (?) tonight and so I let him cry. He stopped after a few minutes on and off (his typical style). I got ready for bed and heard him making noises as I got into bed at around 11:30. He cried. He stopped. He laughed (?). He cried. He stopped. Long pause. He cried again. Working himself up.

So I go in. He's on his belly. I pick him up, and rock him. He resists at first and tries to suck on my arm.
Haha...this is funny to me.

I do some soft "shushing" noises and keep rocking him slowly. He relaxes but stares up at me. The kid just doesn't fall asleep in my arms. Meh.

So he's calm but awake.
I put him down and give him his "bunny". He whimpers for a second and then the fingers go in the mouth and - dang. He's crying again. He would.

ANYWAY

He WAS quiet and calm. But no longer.

So we'll see how tonight goes.

I think I'm going to need a large cup of coffee tomorrow morning.

Good thing I bought French Vanilla flavour.
Mmm...

Biting

Oi. Just when I said to someone that Jude wasn't biting while nursing, he chomps down on me the next day. Twice.

OW!

It really hurts. Usually I pull off and say "NO!" firmly to Jude and he'll just smile up at me because he's done drinking anyway (punk).

But yesterday he REALLY chomped down and it hurt like the dickens. So much so that I roared and said, "NO!!!!" and he started wailing away. It was kinda funny actually, but at the same time I hoped it would make him NOT do it anymore. Well, the side he bit me on still hurts today and he's nipped a few more times, but nothing like yesterday.

So we're still figuring out how to nurse with teeth, but I think he's getting it.

He better get it. Or he's not getting the boob for much longer.
Come to think of it, I am starting to re-remember going through this with Noah! Wow. It's amazing how much we forget...

food and fun

My brain is feeling rather mushy right now but I'm going to attempt to blog.

Today was Jen's baby shower. I personally think EVERY baby should be showered before (or after, whichever your preference) their entrance into the world.

*Happy Birth Day Birthday!*

This will be her third child. A girl. She'll be arriving on Super Bowl Sunday (1 week!). I can't wait! I'm so excited for Jen, her husband and their kids. What will baby Naomi be like? What will she look like? Will she look more like Elijah or Hannah? I pray she has a sweet spirit and is a great eater and sleeper for her Mommy. :)

So we threw Jen a shower. It was wonderful. Good food, good times with women I love and getting to meet some women that I often hear about from Jen. That was really cool.

The hard thing about where I'm at is that still exclusively breastfeeding Jude, I brought him with me. But trying to host, attend to a baby and enjoy people and food are all very had to do at the same time. Plus the fact that Jude completely REFUSED to nap for the ENTIRE DAY. But he was surprisingly well behaved. He definitely had a few meltdowns, but ... I'm actually quite impressed that he made it from 8:30am - 7pm with no nap.

But it made me a bit sad not to be able to stay later, talk longer and hang out with more people. I know that it's the stage I'm in, but part of me feels like life is whizzing past me and I am just reaching out trying to grasp what I can, but I know that so much is flying by and I'm just either not a part of it or not aware of it. And I want to be both!

I know I just need to remind myself that this stage of breastfeeding is quite short and there will be more showers and weddings and parties to attend to that I won't have to bring my babies to. And one day I'll be there. But for now I know that it's my job to treasure, hug and love on my babies. Because I have babies who are alive and healthy and so gosh-darn-cute!

This was a tad rambly...but I believe I did say that my brain was a bit mushy. So you were warned.

Some of the food we enjoyed at the shower today:

Shrimp Salad wraps I successfully made - they were delish!

Ridiculously adorable RED VELVET CUPCAKES made by our amazing downstairs neighbour, Emily!

Operation Breast Pump

Tonight was the first time I pumped breast milk since Jude has been born.

I attempted the whole pumping thing with Noah when he was only a couple months old. I used this lame, hand held pump that took F O R E V E R to get a piddly amount of milk. Not to mention the hand cramping! So I gave up on that and I think only pumped one other time when Noah was about 4 months old.

But there are so many things coming up for which I need to pump - namely my sister's wedding. I am the maid of honour and while I do hope to get in at least 2 morning feedings and hopefully one other one, I know that my main duty is to my sister that day and that we'll be taking pictures and bridesmaid dresses are not typically known for being breastfeeding friendly. And that's okay. But I do need to pump so that I don't inconvenience others and so Jude can be fed by someone else.

SO.

Operation Breast Pump.

So I borrowed a friend's electric breast pump (Thanks, Katt!) and it was okay. I didn't take long for me to figure it out and while it did take longer to get the milk out, there is no breast pump that is going to be as efficient as a baby.

But the thing is I have no idea how much milk Jude takes in each feeding. He only feeds from one side per feed and he's not a long feeder. Like, usually 5 minutes is the average time. Sometimes a little less, sometimes a bit more.

So I got about 4 oz and pumped for 20 minutes. We'll see. I think the whole pumping thing is a bit annoying because it's totally going to mess with my supply, but we'll see how it all goes and it'll be interesting to see Jude with a bottle since he's never had one at all! I don't imagine he'll have a hard time with it.

So my plan is to pump once a day and try out a bottle by the end of the week with Jude. Then if he takes it okay, I'll keep pumping and start storing up milk.

Now to research how much a 6-7 month old baby takes per feeding!