Monday, June 27, 2011

right here. right now.

a week and a half ago i was running when i tripped and fell.
big time.
it was more incredible than embarrassing if you can believe it.
i was shocked at how far i flew and the velocity with which i flew.
i could not have stopped myself if i tried.
because of this major wipeout (Major Wipeout! - HIMYM fans?) i've had these ridiculous scabs on my knees and my left elbow/arm. i forgot how bad a "picker" i am. it's probably borderline obsessive. is it easy for anyone not to pick a crusty scab?

just me?

okay. moving along.

today i took the boys for a bike ride in their new bike trailer that my parents bought for their collective birthdays to enjoy for this summer while we're here. it was a pretty long bike ride for someone who hasn't really done a long bike ride in quite some time. just over 10.5km. (my butt really hurts.)

i'm glad exercise is part of my life.
i want and need to exercise.
not just because i feel like i'll get fat but because i actually enjoy working my body and i feel better physically and emotionally after i exercise.

i like the length of my hair right now. sometimes when i let it air dry it looks awesome. sometimes it doesn't. (right now it looks awesome.)

on the craft docket for this week with the boys is this and this. i'm excited for both.

sometimes i feel like cramming my social calendar chock full.
sometimes i feel like hibernating.
right now? i feel like i might actually be somewhere in the middle. which is a good thing.

when the seasons change is when i find it hardest to fight materialism in my heart.

i think i'm falling deeper in love with Jesus. for me and Jesus it's always been gradual. no shocking testimony here. (aside from the fact that He chose me.)

i'm also falling deeper in love with jamie (we celebrated 7 years of marriage on saturday) and i'm so thankful to have married a man who loves Jesus more than he loves me. i'm also really thankful for God's grace and mercy to me and jamie.
we were so young and immature and selfish (okay, so i'm pretty much speaking mainly for me) and yet He has used us and changed us and held us together so that i can honestly say that i do love jamie more today than i did 7 years ago.

i am continuing to surrender my hopes and desires for what my family is "supposed" to look like and am holding my plans loosely in my upward-facing palms. i have lots of hopes and dreams and desires, but i'm learning to want what Jesus wants most of all. it's usually in this state that my dreams and hopes end up aligning with God's plans and desires for me. so good!

this is the part of the blog post where most people go back and edit and delete.
but i have many people in my life that i love dearly and haven't been able to share with as much lately and so here i am. unfiltered. unedited. this is me and my heart and my life as of recent.


  1. i was just thinking today about getting my babes back into the trailer. congrats on your anniversary:)

    (and i love HIMYM. major fan. Major Fan!)

  2. ACK Congrats! How did I miss that? :( Thanks for this V, it's good to see and know all of how you are doing. I like your heart, it's good to hear from it :)

  3. woot!
    i loved this post. it read the same way i think i speak. (:
    i love you vanessa. i relate to quite a bit of what you're my own mini-non-comparable-transition i feel/experience a lot of what you're talking about.

    i "think" about running a lot. then my knee voluntarily as if sooting a warning to my body starts to ache.
    i need to suck it up butter cup, put on my knee brace and get out there.

    also, your hair is nice.

    & i miss you.

  4. I'm one of those people! And I'm so.....blessed by your openness. Thank you Baness. And OH.MY.WORD. about the wipeout. On one hand I feel REALLY bad for you, on another hand (another hand? do i have more than 2? lol..i meant...the OTHER) I know that if we'd seen someone else wipeout, we probably would've laughed really hard and then checked to make sure they were alright. So...I hope no one saw. :)

    And I'm not surprised your butt hurts! Your boys are cute, but dragging them behind you on a bike?!? Yeesh. I might get me one of those. You'll end up being one of those "can't pinch an inch" mamas. And good for you. And i'm SO on the same excercise wavelength. Its as valuable to me as sleep. I'm just not...balanced without it.

    I cant believe you have been married for so long. SO long. 7 years?? Its like...I dont know. its just an uber long time. But i'm really encouraged and while Jamie's "ducks" dont really do it for me, he's so good to you and for you and he's clearly a super good dad. And i'm so so pleased for you. And I love you so I love that you're loved and that you're happy and that you're loving God and learning about living and loving and God and its are the most gentle transitioner I know.

  5. I thought you guys were 6! Wow! 7 congrats!

    I really appreciated this post. I feel more connected now on your here and now :) It made me feel as if you were just shooting the guff (I don't even know what that means) with me although you've had the priv with this to do it with many peeps

  6. Not sure how many of you actually will get this (if you've subscribed to comments or whatnot), but here goes:
    Aban - I love you too. And I'm amazed that you love my hair. Because your hair? It's pretty much the most amazing hair I know. Because I know your hair.
    Tam - yeah. Jamie was holding back a laugh when I fell but he was mostly concerned. So...I probably would have laughed had I seen me too.
    And I miss you. And love you. Dang it! Why do we have to be on different continents!??!
    Suz - shoot the guff?!? How did this make me laugh out loud? It did. For reals. Whatever it means, it's a funny expression.

    Thanks all for loving me for me. You guys rock.


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