Thursday, April 29, 2010

So, are you done having kids?

I remember sometime after Noah was born and after I got through those hazy, sleep-deprived, anxious, PPD first few months waking up and thinking

I want another one.

Immediately followed by

Am I crazy?

I think it's partly a natural instinct to want to continue to expand your family - on multiple levels - but it's quite possibly that I was crazy due to sleep deprivation. Either way, sometime just before Noah's first birthday Jude was on the way.

Surprisingly it hit me again after Jude was born. This time I know exactly what was driving it - hurry up and get out of this newborn stage as fast as I can. Let's just pop out one (two? three?) more and get it over with.
Then I came to my senses. For now.
I'd LOVE more kids, but I also want to take time to just enjoy being a family of 4. I'm still pretty young and there's plenty of time to have more kids - whether biological or adopted or both. I also want to take some time to let my body adjust and become its new "normal".
I read somewhere that it takes TWO YEARS for your body to fully regulate and transition from being pregnant to not. No wonder it's taking my body so much longer to "bounce back" after having a 2nd child in 2 years.
Anyway, having a child right away to get a certain stage "over with" is not a good reason either. So for now, we are a really happy family of 4. Plus, if we had another kid we'd have to get a bigger vehicle. And I'm not ready to be a minivan-Mom. *shudder* (No offense to those of you who are minivan-Moms. I know you love your vans. I'm just not there yet. But I will be. I know I will. Just

Now a lot of my friends who have one child are thinking of having another, trying to have another or are already pregnant with their second (or they're just going ahead and getting pregnant with twins! :D). It's easy to see now that though I did "miss" a lot with Noah being so young when I got pregnant again (and after Jude was born a lot is quite blurry in the memory department - thank God for pictures and videos!), both his life and Jude's life are so much richer because of each other.
I also have to remember what that felt like - to want another child to be close in age to my first born. And how at the time, I thought "Yeah, it'll be hard. But so what? We'll get through it." And I'm betting every other Mom contemplating having a second feels exactly the same way. And no amount of me telling them every horror story or complaining about the lack of sleep is going to change their minds. Maybe. So for now, I refrain. And to be honest, it's always the first 4ish months that kill me. We're in a good stage now. But then Jude will learn to crawl and then walk. And we'll be in another stage with its own set of challenges. And we'll conquer them as we get there. And I know I certainly don't want other Mom's giving me doomsday warnings at every.single.stage I get to. Real life advice and stories? Yes. But don't rain on my parade! (This I say to remind myself not to rain on others' parades either.)

At this point in my life, I don't think I have a set number in my head of how many kids I want. I want the family that God wants for me. Whether that's 2 kids (but I'd be kinda sad to be honest) or 6, I'm fine with it.

On a rant-y note...when we start trying again, I will NOT be trying for a girl. I will be trying to get pregnant. I think at this point I'd actually like a girl (as opposed to where I was a year or so ago where I only wanted boys. No girls. At all.) but I can see how fun (and um, car-AY-zee!) it would be to have 3 boys! I hate the idea of people thinking my family would be less than "perfect" if I didn't have one of each gender. No one's family is perfect. My family will be complete whenever we stop having kids. And then one day our kids grow up and get married. And our family will expand again! And it will be glorious! But I'm getting carried away with myself here...All that to say...I welcome another child - boy OR girl into my family when that time comes. (But it's not right now. At least that I know of. *wink*)


  1. ah haha haha!! Excellent blog hon!

  2. I think it's awesome to keep it open-ended like that.

    For myself, I know our family is now complete. And that feels really good too!

    Best wishes as you expand your family, in whichever way it happens! :)

  3. Elaine - yeah, when you know, you just know. I'm thinking that when our family is complete I'll know too! :)

  4. loved this blog post!

    and what does it mean that it takes 2 years for your pregnant body to transition?

  5. YAY more adorable nephews/nieces to play with!!! :) You make cute kids regardless!

  6. Karen - I think it means just everything from hormones to things like your organs shifting back into place again. And of course there's all the post-partum weird stuff like hair falling out and whatnot.

  7. We've reached the point where we feel "done" at two, but it's so hard to make such a final and absolute statement. While I would adore any more kids we have, I don't that I could handle any more of the day to day right now. But what about later...?

    I wish you the best whatever (and whenever) you decide :-)

  8. Grace, I know what you mean. Often the day to day seems kinda crazy. But while it doesn't get LESS busy, it just becomes a different kind of busy. And they get older. It's not like you add another baby to a preschooler and a baby. The preschooler becomes a full-day schooler and the baby becomes a preschooler. So...when I think of how crazy I must be to ponder more...I remind myself of that. :)
    (Your two are ADORABLE, by the way. :D)


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