Tuesday, August 14, 2007

sarcastic pregnancy book

Today I bought a book (for only $4!) from Chapter's called "Milk It - How to get more than a baby out of the next nine months".
I couldn't resist. The title alone almost had me laughing out loud.
Here's a page I randomly opened to and almost peed my pants. Okay, that's a lie. But I definitely chuckled.

"Dealing with the weight-gain comments"

Them: "Wow! You're huge!"
You: "Oh, gosh, I love it. It's just so liberating not having to conform to society's idea of the perfect woman, for once."
Rationale: A mere suggestion of militant feminism can deter even the most resolute busybody.

Them: "Wow! You're huge!"
You: "Do you think so? Really? Maybe I should stop eating so much."
Rationale: Ostensibly meek, this one will leave your tormentors back peddling furiously, afraid that they have nudged you toward anorexia. If you're never allowed yourself the undeniable satisfaction of being passive-aggressive, this is a great way to start.

Them: "Wow! You're huge!"
You: "Well, there's a baby in there. What did you expect?"
Rationale: You can laugh as you say this and it won't sound too harsh. But nobody will doubt what you mean. And how seriously you mean it.

Them: "Wow! You're huge!"
You: "And you, too! What is it? Ten, twenty pounds?"
Rationale: Of course, this one works only if you know the person, but in the right circumstances it can be very powerful.

Them: "Wow! You're huge!"
You: "Well, my hemorrhoids weigh a couple of pounds each."
Rationale: Any mention of an indelicate condition and vengeance is yours.

So hilariously sarcastic. I can't wait to read the rest of this great book by Kate Hodson. I enjoy people who are blunt and don't beat around the bush. AND are unapologetic about it, too!

Now don't worry if you are one of those people who have told me I am huge or are getting huge or have commented in any way on my general size since getting pregnant. I know you don't mean it in a negative way and usually remind myself of that if I do find myself getting defensive - which...I haven't really. Except when my brother said "Whoa-ho Ginormo". And even then I did giggle because it rhymed.
However, in the future, a pregnant woman ALWAYS loves to hear that she looks amazing. (Even if you ARE lying a little bit.)


  1. aww..but vaness. you are by far THE hottest prego I've ever seen thus far.

  2. I agree with Shelly! And you're a STYLISH pregnant woman as well...

  3. Well thank you ladies. Although my intent in this entry was not to fish for compliments, I thank you for yours (and the SO MANY OTHERS at Staff Conference and in my life who have showered me with compliments).

  4. those are great responses. can you please use some and report about how they went!?

  5. These are hilarious responses...I wish you actually used one sometime, that would be an entertaining story (and hopefully wouldn't wreck any friendships or anything!) I am sure Tom's constant "Prego" this summer was along these lines, so I am glad you put the disclaimer at the bottom!

  6. That's amazing...!

    And I concur with the previous comments -- I do hope you have the opportunity to try them out and let us know how it goes!


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