Tuesday night I told myself I would get to bed right after I fed Jude at 10:30pm. (That's early for me.)
At 10:20 I hear Noah start to cry softly. It gets louder so I go in to see what's up with the wee fellow.
He's calling "Daddy, Daddy" and then "Mama! Mama!" and when I go in he doesn't stop crying (unusual for him) and he still doesn't stop crying when I pick him up (even more unusual). He continues to cry and is getting quite worked up even as I hold him and rock him and sit with him in the rocking chair and pat his back. When I start singing his favourite songs he gets more worked up and continues to call for Mama.
I tell him that Mama is here and it's okay but this does nothing to console him. I'm starting to get a bit upset myself.
After about 10 minutes of this I'm realizing that he doesn't know who I am. He doesn't know that I am his Mama. By this time I'm in tears as I tell him it's okay, Mama's here. But telling him "Mama is here" and yet in his little mind, Mama is not holding him, only serves to agitate him further.
I take him into our bedroom (Jamie is out at this point in the evening) and he's looking around for "Mama". I look with him into the full length mirror we have on the wall and for a second I think he realizes, but then he looks around the room and starts saying, "Where Mama go? Where Mama go?" and is getting really upset.
It's so hard for me to see him like this!
Finally I get a brainwave and say, "What's my name?" (when he is calm but still looking for "Mama") and he says, "Emmy".
That is Emily. The girl who lives downstairs who he likes very much and she has watched him from time to time.
I can only guess that he was dreaming that Emily was watching him and when I came in to him, he may have been in some sort of lucid dream state (as he could actually SEE and identify things in his environment - for instance, a Buzz Lightyear toy he looked at and said, "oh! buzz!") and was convinced that I was Emily.
So I decide to tell him that "Mama is coming" and that calms him right down.
It was still really bizarre as he kept saying, "Mama! Open door! I hear Mama!"
Then I knew I needed to feed Jude and so I asked Noah if he wanted to lie in my bed or in his crib and of course he picked my bed. So I put him there and said that Mama needed to feed Jude and I would be right back.
Totally freaked out that he would fall down the stairs or do something "weird".
Well as soon as I had finished feeding Jude and walked out the door Noah was coming out of my bedroom with a ball in his hand. I think at this point he had "woken up" and we lay in bed and I prayed for him. Then I said, "Where's Mama?" and he looked up at me. And then I asked, "Where's Emily?" and he said, "Jude's room."
So weird. So Emily went INTO Jude's room and Mama came OUT. (in his mind maybe?)
It was pretty traumatic in general for me as I couldn't help him see that it was ME! That I was there, holding him, and trying to comfort him.
I wonder how often we ask God in the hard times, "God? Where are you? I need you NOW! You said you would always be there for me. Comforting me and supporting me. But where are you?" When all along He embraces us, lifts us up from out of the mire we're in and places our feet on solid ground.
And blindly we stumble until we "wake up" and realize God is the one holding us and comforting us and He's been there all along.
Anyway, so he calmed down and eventually fell asleep. It hasn't happened again for the past two nights and I pray it never does. That was rough.