4 months

Dear Blaise,

You are 4 months old! One third of a year old. How did that even happen?
As I type this, I have briefly rocked you but then put you down in your crib still awake, but sleepy. You are falling asleep on your own. Sometimes. Oh sleep. The theme of this month. The theme of every month.

We started {again} doing some sleep training trying to help you fall asleep on your own at night. You are doing pretty well but I am a far cry from the Mama of your older brother - strict and by the book. I go in to help you multiple times - usually just to pop the soother back in and shush you for a bit until you quiet down. Slowly-by-slowly you will get there. I know one day I will wake up and have slept more than 3.5 consecutive hours. Or maybe that's just a dream. Lately I've just given up and have nursed you whenever you've woken up which usually ends up being every 3ish hours. Whatevs.

Your hair is getting taller {longer?} and it stills garners the most comments from strangers when we do happen to go out and about.
You weigh 16lbs5oz and handled your immunizations yesterday like a champ. You are wearing 3-6 & 6 month onesies but 9 month sleepers! I think it's because you're so long. You're somehow a combination of your brothers - bulkier {husky as Old Navy calls it I think} like Noah was as a baby, but also still really long like Jude was.

You can roll both ways! You are always twisting around and rolling around in your crib - preferring to sleep on your left side {as we are now officially swaddle-free!}. I was reading a breastfeeding book and the fact that you prefer this and it brings you the most comfort, makes me wonder if you have a slight case of reflux. You are definitely a spitter. This morning was no exception {this picture was taken first thing and already, less than 2 hours later, you are wearing a different outfit. Much thanks goes out to my dear friend Jen Hill for the adorable bow tie.} but I make it a rule to always have a receiving blanket with me when I pick you up. But back to the rolling. You will be sitting up and then crawling and then walking before I know it. You are a mover, that much is clear. You LOVE being on your tummy and think it's play time when you're on your tummy despite me hoping that sleeping on your belly might help you sleep better. Oh well.

You are now reaching out for things and grabbing toys, bringing them to your mouth and gnawing away on them. You often will clasp your hands together and often do this when trying to soothe yourself to sleep. Sucking on your soother, hands clasped together in front of you. It's cute.

You are a soother baby. I think the soother is sticking around. It helps you fall asleep and while you like sticking your hands in your mouth, I think it's less soothing and more exploratory for you. I can't wait until you can reach around in your crib yourself and find it and stick it back in your mouth when it falls out.

You are already watching us as we put things in our mouths. Seriously. Already!?! You will be ready for solids in a couple months. I'll hold off until at least 6 months, but it might be tough with the way you watch us and mimic the way we move our mouths when we chew.

Your face lights up into a huge smile when you first glimpse your brothers. You love your brothers and are always trying to be in the best position to watch their crazy antics.

We are going to Spain in 1 week and I am so excited! I think you are going to LOVE it and love being pushed around in a stroller. I'm hoping for a smooth transition with the time difference {only an hour I think} not that you are sleeping through the night or giving me anything more than 3.5 hours at a time {really? Are you trying to kill me or something?}. It's a good thing you're so stinkin' cute.

You are babbling. I adore your babbles. And you love talking away to me on your change table while grabbing your toes. I love it when babies find their toes/feet and you are no exception. You will grab on and just chatter away. Adorbs.

You've recently gone {still going through?} through a growth spurt, wanting to nurse every 2-2.5 hours at points during the day. You, my little Blazer, are my most difficult baby but we are surviving. Your Daddy and I are becoming a stronger team as we have moved from man-to-man to zone defense. You and your brothers are giving us a run for our money, but we love you so so so much and can't imagine you  not in our family.

I love you.
Mama

watch Blaise grow!

let's talk...

with valentine's day being just 2 days away and being in uganda, i am mourning the lack of conversation hearts to be found here.
back in the day of my blogging life, i used to post "the treat of the month" and no doubt at some point, these were one of the treats i blogged about.
i love candy.

photo credit: flickr

while we were in spain, one of the main session speakers spoke on john 21, but mainly verses 15-23. she talked about how john {the author of john} never refers to himself by name, but by "the disciple Jesus loved". she thought it was probably because he was so consumed by the fact that

Jesus.

loved.

him.

his entire identity was wrapped up in the fact that he was loved by Jesus. amazing.

next we came to the familiar passage where Jesus asks simon peter if he loves him. he asks him this three times.  one commentator reflected that Jesus asked simon three times to get the point across to simon. but john records it three times because there's a point that we need to get.

first Jesus asks simon if he loves him more than these. regardless of what "these" is referring to, the question that jumped out was do I love him MORE? more than candy or comforts or sidewalks or donuts or friends or family or life itself; do i love him more?

it was a fantastic session and i was blown away by the fact that Jesus doesn't call us to love His sheep. he calls us to love Him. when we respond yes, he tells us to feed and take care of his sheep.

Jesus, may i be fully consumed by the fact that YOU love me. may my love for you be all-encompassing, the first love in my life. may i love you more than anything else in this world because all that YOU are, is so much more than enough for me.

hidden

a taste of life in kampala:



and before this ride, at the market:



day to day life is fairly non-eventful at home with the boys. we play together {cars, pretend cooking and real cooking, read books, do crafts, kick the soccer ball around outside and watch some tv - the boys' current faves are Handy Manny, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and Jungle Junction} but to be honest we rarely leave the house on our own. it's quite a lot for me to to take both the boys out by myself especially at the age jude is where he just likes to take off and explore on his own. not really a safe thing to do with boda bodas whizzing right beside you.
but we get by.
i continue to work through why God has specifically brought me here to do what i could easily do at home in canada, but i trust Him and already sense that He is using this time to refine me, shape me and make me into someone i wouldn't be if i had stayed back in canada.
as a wise woman said to me, it is a time of "hiddenness". hidden away from distractions. hidden away from comforts. hidden away in the home with often no one by my children to see what He is doing in me.
for such a time as this...

linking up with Miss Elaine-ous Mondays

children's love languages

How my kids give and receive love has come up over the last little while and it's something I've thought about now for a couple years.
It's pretty clear to me at the moment that Noah is my kid who loves to be physically loved. The cuddles, the hugs, the kisses, sitting on my lap and just being physically near to me or Jamie has been his choice of receiving love since he was born.
Lately he's been asking for more cuddle time and the last couple nights after I put him to bed I'll lay down with him and we'll chat. I'll ask him if there's anything he wants to talk about or tell me and of course there is! Tonight there were tons of "why" questions;
Why are there leaves on the curtains?
Why are there pieces of paper hanging down on the shelves?
Why are there pictures in the office?
Why is there a picture of you and Daddy kissing?
Why did you sell the computer desk at the garage sale?
Why is there a printer in the office?
And it's never just the "why" question, but:
Um, Mom? Why....
And he always waits for me to say "yes?" or "yes, Noah?"
If I don't, he'll repeat "Mom?" again until I say "yes", even if I'm looking at him and giving him 100% of my attention.
Which leads me to think that words of affirmation are huge for him as well. He loves to be acknowledged (well, who doesn't?), encouraged, and cheered on. Not too much attention and not overboard, but the right amount of sincerity and encouragement works for him.
I've been loving this "pillow talk" time with Noah and just the chance to have time spent exclusively with him.
He says the most amazing and hilarious things and I am loving who he is more and more every day.
It's interesting because I've started becoming more specific and bigger in my prayers for and with him at night. Praying for who he is and who he'll become and I wasn't sure if he was listening or noticing but lately he's been asking that I pray "just for" him. Partly this is understandable as kids' worlds revolve around themselves, but I wonder how it must make him feel to hear his Mom pray for him to grow into a man who would love Jesus and others deeply and change the world.

On another note, Noah got upset today about moving to Africa to tell people about Jesus. He said he doesn't want to go anywhere and that Jesus is dead. I think this must be shocking to those who have never had a three year old - much less a three year old boy (or at least been around 3 year old boys on a regular basis) but I wasn't offended or angry with him. I knew that this was coming from a place of confusion over how to feel about everything changing (especially for a kid who doesn't particularly like big changes). So we talked. I told him about how Jesus already did die for us but that He's alive and He's never going to have to die again. Anyway, it was an interesting conversation and the first one I've had with him where he's voiced a negative response to moving.
So we'll continue to work through this.

But back to love languages - I'm looking forward to continuing to figure out with the boys how they best receive and give love and to communicate love to them in a way that really speaks to them individually.
In the meantime, I'm going to keep giving and receiving lots of cuddles.

three.

Life with a three year old is essentially a pendulum swing. There doesn't seem to be a neutral middle place to hang out in. It's either rude, cranky, tantrum-throwing defiance or happy, hilarious, intelligent adorableness.

Often heard in our house by Noah:

"I'm the one with the poop."

"Uhhhhh NO!"

"NO SPITTING, JUDE!"

"NO HITTING, JUDE!"

"Mom? I asked you a question!"

"Can you turn on the Christmas lights, Mom?"

"Can I watch something?" {I hate this one. Granted, it's usually asked when I'm unable to engage with him directly at the time and he's just bored.}

"I want a snack!" {This one could be said moments after any meal or instead of a meal.}

The entire alphabet sung either in French or English. Or Frenglish.

Noah is really into drawing {and he draws people now and I LOVE it. The head with the arms and legs coming out of it just kill me.} and doing crafts that involve gluing, colouring or cutting. Today I let him colour our sample Christmas photo card and when I looked at it afterward I laughed when I saw that he had coloured red over top of his and Jude's faces looking very much like street graffiti.
He wants to help me wash the dishes and do the laundry. He'll often help me with Jude and the tenderness he shows toward his brother melts my heart completely.
But he's also throwing tantrums on a whim and pushing his brother's buttons {and vice versa. I know. Already.} and I can see his internal struggle to work out the emotions he's feeling - whether they be frustration or anger or guilt or disappointment. I know it's hard for him and I'm trying to help him work through it and put names to emotions and let him know it's okay to feel those emotions, but it's not okay to, say, throw a chair or kick his brother or outright defy me.

How do you teach a child to obey even when he doesn't want to? {For now that's a rhetorical question. I'm pretty sure I know what we need to do at this point it's just getting around to doing it and focusing on training him to obey the first time, every time.} I know this leads into a fantastic spiritual analogy for my own life and I'm working that one out as well.

Three years old is way harder than two ever was. But as I watch and listen to him make up hilarious stories or imagine an empty box is a fantastic pirate ship or make me a birthday cake out of Play-Doh and then sing "Happy Birthday to You", I know that whatever we are working through and will work through is worth it to see him grow and develop into the person that God wants him to be.

The war against pasta

When Noah was little and I was introducing solids and textures, I was cautious. I wasn't adventurous. I didn't give him lots of variety. Mostly because I didn't really know what to do. And I felt the need to not overwhelm Noah. And I'm totally reaping the consequences of that now. Noah tends to be quite picky and textures {like pasta} that are wobbly or wiggly he gags at or just plain out refuses to try it.

I've definitely learned my lesson. I've introduced and re-introduced foods to Jude until he tries it and eats it. Namely, pasta. Noah will NOT eat pasta. Not even alphaghetti. Or kraft dinner. {I'm so serious.} Pasta has got to be the easiest meal to make for kids so I was determined to have at least one child who will eat pasta.
And we're finally there.
{And he's using a spoon!}

Check it:

He's messy, but um...he's eating PASTA! I am happy. 

He did it his way

This morning after breakfast I was playing with Jude in the kitchen and I got him to let go of the table while he was standing. He was free standing! Then he sat down and stood up by himself without holding onto anyone or anything! I clapped and cheered like only a mother can over such a small accomplishment.
He smiled so proudly and continued to do it over and over again.
Jamie eventually came downstairs to find out what the commotion was all about.
Jude had another cheerleader and was as proud as a peacock!
Later that morning we went to the Y and I dropped the boys off in the playcare center. After my workout I went to pick them up and I walked in to see Jude standing, bopping up and down and clapping along with the song the staff were singing. I just about died. It was seriously the cutest thing ever.
Of course he refused to do it for either of our friends when I tried to get him to do it later today. So classic.
Oh Jude. You make me smile.
He wants to do things his way and in his own time. He won't walk, but I'm convinced he totally could right now if he wanted to. So maybe he'll walk next week, maybe next month. When he wants to, it'll happen.

{In the meantime, I need to get his standing skills on video!}

the joy of learning

I think one of the best things about being a parent is watching your child learn. Whether it's learning to roll over or crawl or walk or eat with utensils or cut with scissors or create art or read, it really doesn't matter; it's just a lot of fun to watch your kid learn.

Lately Noah has been drawing people. Requirements for a drawn person by Noah:

1. a large, somewhat round head.

2. eyes - often more than 2

3. legs {i was surprised that legs came before arms for him - no reason, really. it's just interesting to see the progression}

4. hair {sometimes - but i love his drawn hair - lots of vertical lines. love.}

Today Noah made a person out of Play-Doh. It had eyes and a mouth {!} and two toothpicks sticking out of the head {i'm not sure if they were arms or legs}.

"Cheese". Noah & Play-Doh Guy.

Hannah & Noah - BFFs.

I'm sure it seems uninteresting to you because he is not your child, but I am amazed and joyfully anticipate his drawings now that they are actually taking some sort of decipherable shapes/objects.

my thoughts

Light shining through the cup. Focus in the midst of mess & chaos. I want my life to be like that. Focused in the midst of the inevitable mess & chaos.

There is so much swirling around in my mind these days; bullying, yoga, Uganda, breastfeeding/bottle feeding, winter & fall, Christmas, birthdays, personal revival, loving and dreaming big things for Jamie, Children's church, working out and losing weight. So much. Too much. At least for a blog entry. Or even two.

But I did make an awesome pasta salad for lunch today! {Check out the Strickly Food tab for the latest and greatest.}

My house needs cleaning and tidying {when is that ever not the case?}, I need a shower {post-gym}, I need to open my Seeking Him study book and spend time with Jesus, I need/want to bake, cook, give, serve, love, grow.

When I'm old and grey I want to be sweet and kind and gentle; not bitter, judgmental and harsh. To get there when I'm old and grey I need to become sweet and kind and gentle today and not hope it happens when I turn 73.

*an extremely disjointed post, but I needed to write before too much time passed and I got stuck with not knowing where to start.

toofers

Jude has 6 teeth. 4 on the top and 2 on the bottom.

By this point {15 months}, Noah had his ENTIRE SET OF TEETH. {No wonder months 6-14 were filled with much night crying and whiny-ness.}

I've been wondering when his next teeth will come and it seems they already have been - except he's skipped his "eye" teeth and is getting in the next ones on either side.

I love their differences. I love how it keeps me on my feet and keeps things real and fresh.

he grows

Have I blogged this already? I don't remember.

Lately {as in the past month or so} I've done a double take at Noah and his growth. Not necessarily physically, but emotionally. Specifically how he relates to people, including people he doesn't know or doesn't know very well.

Previously if addressed by say, the cashier at the grocery store, Noah would hide his face or at worst, blow a raspberry at them {embarrassing, but we were working on it - sometimes we still are}. I would remind him that we aren't rude and that when Mommy & Daddy are with him, he can say hello and talk to people he doesn't know.

Well, lately he's been responding and interacting with people - both strangers and people he is less familiar with. It's amazing. And it just started happening right before my eyes. Talking to the cashier. Telling a student at Summit about Lightening McQueen. Answering the doctor's questions {today - don't ask. Both boys have a mouth virus. Extremely contagious. You have been warned.} and telling her that he likes Tigger the best because he bounces on his tail. High five-ing the fantastic and amazing greeter at our church {Mr. Bob}. He is still sometimes shy or hesitant, but when people aren't in his face and show a bit of patience, he does really well.

I'm so proud of him and I tell him so.

He is growing up. He is maturing. He is learning.

It is honestly one of the most amazing things I've ever been a part of.

Noah's sleep update

Just an update on Noah's sleep issues:

Ever since we put in place Noah's sleep rules and his sleep chart, he has been doing amazing!

Every single night he's gone to bed with no fuss and quietly slept until the morning. The stickers and the "treats" are a huge incentive and although he still gets confused about when he gets his treat, I think it's really working.

He's got two more rows of stickers to fill up and then I think we'll use the chart for something else.

Also, every nap and bedtime I ask him what his sleep rules and he says:

Stay in my bed.

Close my eyes.

Be quiet. Sh Sh Sh.

It's really sweet and cute the way he says it. Maybe some day I'll catch it on video.

I'm really proud of him and so happy for how this has really worked for all of us!

Responsibility of a 3 year old

Maybe I should call this the Noah brag blog...but he's changing so much and doing so much these days that I just want to remember it all (so I won't be offended if you don't really read these entries - they're more for me anyway - well, future me. Because present me cannot remember if I changed my undies this morning let alone a cute thing my son did yesterday).

Today before nap I told him to come upstairs with me and we'd read some stories after I put Jude down for his nap and then it would be his (Noah's) nap time.

He was laying down playing with his cars when he sat up and said,

"I just have to clean up my cars, Mommy."

!!!

I love this kid. Often he fights clean up...but today...all the work and effort we put into teaching him responsibility for his own things, and after learning the consequences of NOT cleaning up, he surprises me with owning the responsibility of cleaning up his own toys.

I'll say it again; I love this kid.

My kid.

Think Time...reviewed

Remember this?

Well, I've been moving forward on the creative front.

I've cooked with bulgar wheat, quinoa (the organic kind and the red kind - who knew?), and zucchini (I know. But I never really cooked with zucchini before.). And I absolutely LOVE quinoa. Too bad Noah and Jude don't. But hey...more for me, right?

I've also picked up my camera a lot more lately - and not just to take pictures of my boys (although the majority of my pictures are of my boys). And I'm going to try out this whole You Capture thing (click on the button on the side bar for more info). I think it'll give me some motivation and inspiration to work at being a better photographer.

I've also been running! I'm now on week 4 of a 10 week training program to run 10k. Some days I complete my goals, other days, not so much. But it's a WHOLE lot more than I was doing 2 months ago!

I'd still like to start sewing and become more confident in that aspect, but there's plenty of time for that.

It's good to get that think time, but it's even better to see what comes out of it.

motivation proclamation

This was my first week of training for a 10km race.

Remember this post? And remember how I linked to a 10km race at the Toronto Zoo?

Well, I'm doing it! I'm registered and I'm training (even though it's months away) and I'm SO excited!

So this week was the first of a 10 week training to run a 10km race. It's 5 days on, 2 days off (Friday and Sunday). So I ran 30 minutes on Monday and Wednesday and then did strength training and walking/elliptical on Tuesday and Thurdsay. Saturdays are the longer run and today was supposed to be a 40 minutes run.

So I mapped out my run for roughly 5km including a cool down since I don't have a sports watch. I figured it would take me about 40 minutes to do that.

But I got lost. I realized I had pretty much double backed which frustrated me because I actually wanted to try and do the 40 minute run and not do any less.

So I started running on every crescent I passed in order to cover more ground before getting back home.

As I turned onto my street I slowed to a walk and then did a bit of stretching on my drive way.

I got in and saw that I had ran for about 40-45 minutes.

Then I sat down and mapped out how far I actually ran.

I ran 5.5km!!!! And I could have kept going but I didn't want to get too far away and then have to walk all the way back. I am on such a high! It felt SO good as I was running and I feel so good right now!
It was really the first 3km that killed me but then after that my body got into a rhythm and I just ran.

I feel really encouraged and motivated and proud of myself.

It's been awhile since I could say I felt really proud of something that I accomplished.

*jumps for joy*

Elbow pop

Today Noah's elbow popped out for the third time in his short 2.5 years.

I knew right away that's what had happened because he was holding his arm and refusing to move it and any time it shifted in the slightest he winced and whimpered. I gave him some Tylenol and since it happened (I don't even know how it happened this time as I was upstairs, Jamie was downstairs with him and had just turned around to get something when it happened - we still don't know!) right before nap time I just sat and talked with him quietly and then eventually he had a nap. He woke up crying and wouldn't move it again so I texted Jamie to tell him one of us needed to take Noah to emerg. I even called our doctor's office to see if we could go there since I hate going to emerg, but they didn't have any appointment available for today. I couldn't wait until tomorrow - especially with Noah in the condition he was so off I went to the hospital with Noah.
And what does he do the second we pull INTO the hospital parking lot (that you have to pay $6 to get out of!)? He lifts his hurt arm to point at the hospital.

Sigh.

Oh well. So we go in and he starts using his arm to reach for something or to put a snack in his mouth.

Anyway, it was only 1.5 hrs from start to finish so I can't complain, really. By the time we saw the doctor Noah was using his arm again so I'm guessing at some point along the way it popped back in on its own or at least did partially as the doctor said he felt a small pop.

And I did make sure to get the doctor to show me how to pop it back in on my own so we could avoid coming in next time.

Anyway, so all is back to normal and unfortunately according to this doctor there aren't any strengthening exercises we can do. It's just something he's supposed to grow out of. I certainly hope so!

What's in a name? from Vanessa Strickland on Vimeo.

We're in big trouble

I just have this feeling that we are in for it (whatever "it" is - probably trouble, mischief, having our hands full...all of the above I think...) as Jude continues to become mobile and learn to walk and climb and run.

Tonight as I was changing Jude's diaper as soon as I took his diaper off he whipped over onto his belly and he was OFF. Laughing and giggling and crawling away from me! I was so shocked and of course played right into it saying "Hey! Get back here, you!" and laughing and "chasing" him.

He LOVED it.

I loved it.

And of course he continued to crawl away from me after I had finished changing and dressing him.

I guess it's time to get the gate up!

Reminiscent

Lately I've been somewhat reminiscent of the past 8 months (and further?) with my boys. Looking at old pictures and videos of Jude & Noah make me gasp with how much they've grown.

Watching a video of Noah holding Jude in the first few days and lovingly patting him and then saying, "baby" melts my heart into a huge puddle on the floor. It just astounds me at how much Noah has grown and developed.

I mean, he's speaking in SENTENCES. He's asking me questions. He's observing, thinking and then commenting on his experiences. It's incredible! I love it. And honestly, it's hard for me to remember when he wasn't speaking like this.

I'm so thankful for pictures and videos that help me remember each stage and recognize the vast growth that has taken place in all our lives.

On another note...perhaps the intense language development in Noah is the reason for sleep disturbances in the past 6 months! (This is what you call an "Aha!" moment.)

Noah at 8 months

Jude at 8 months